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Struggling - advice pls

Ok, I don't know where to start really. I'm feeling quite down. Since my little girl started pre-school a few months ago I've been so worried. They're quite concerned about her anxiety levels - which we are fully aware of. She's nervous of mixing with the children and is happy ish with one or two but mainly looks for adult support as clings to one or two of the ladies. Nervous of loud noises or anything which makes her jump, strange things like people blowing their noses and zips!! Think she also has a touch of selective mutism. At home she is a happy (sometimes fiery and strong willed!) little girl, who talks lots and has great vocab. 

she occasionally decides not to talk when left with grandparents bit is talkative at other times, particularly when I am there. 

anyway, they are offering SEN support and suggested chat with gp who has referred her to someone - not heard who yet. The SEN lady has observed her once and will again early next year. She is making progress and has gone from hating pre-school to really wanting to go and not crying when I leave. Also overcome public toilet fear and goes there now. 

obv worried, particularly as she starts school next sept. 

i I find it hard to make mummy friends and feel quite tired and shy at mo. Feel like they don't want to chat with me apart from one mum. I unfortunately have reliable info on her and need to avoid her if poss. I know that sounds so awful but I dont want to get involved with her for a good reason and she won't leave me alone! Wants my daughter and hers to buddy up and mentioned poss play date! I don't know how to handle situation. I am not a rude person as like to get along with people - but I have kind of been a little cool with her and she won't get the hint! I can't avoid her as always bump into her. What on earth do u do? 

At groups in the past, i've always felt as though I stand out a mile as I have the v V clingy one who is hard work! i feel no one really wants to know me. I'm so worn out and down at the mo :-( 

fed up 


  • First of all have a big internet weirdy hug. I think we all find it hard if our child has issues. At least you are aware of the issues they are concerned about. Many children have anxiety issues to one degree or other and many children find being in bigger groups difficult and find adults easier. The fact they are offering SEN support is good.

    When my son was at school nursery they picked up there was a issue and suggested we got refered to a paedotrician by GP. Our son has different issues to your daughter, he was diagnosed with dyspraxia. He has had ongoing support from the school. He is now in year seven. One of the issues he struggled with was groups and he was put in a small nuture group in reception. She sounds like she is making amazing progress, try and focus on the positives. Having a good relationship with the school helps, and I am certain they have experience of dealing with selective mutism.

    I know how hard it is to make friends but try not to worry. See who your daughter makes friends with and then you may find you make friends with their parents.

  • Thank you so much, I really appreciate your reply. I know my post was LONG! :-)

    It's been so hard, I just wish things could ease up a little and go more smoothly. I'm exhausted and worried most of the time. It feels like things have been gradually getting harde for past two years. I obv just want her to feel happy and less anxious. Also to not let it al hold her back educationally and socially.

    A long way to go but She has made amazing progress. I just feel as though mums give is a wide berth. It has knocked my confidence so I find it hard to talk to other mums and feel self conscious. My daughter has made a little friend but her mum doesn't seem to want to chat to me :-(

    There is another lady as mentioned previously and I'm struggling with how to handle that situation. I do have v good reasons to avoid, I'm not a horrible person, honestly!!

  • Hey Blossom. Big hugs. These sort of issues are more common than they sound and it is lucky that support is being put in place whilst she is young. The SEN Support is a great step forward. It might be useful for your daughter to see you out and about with others and to see you calm and relax, so she sees social situations as fun and safe. Could you not go to a play group with the aim of simply playing with your daughter there and not worrying about the other parents, unless one seems particularly friendly. Your daughter may seem clingy, but the other parents aren't going to notice as much as you and most will have had a child that is clingy in certain situations. Besides clinginess is not an overly negative characteristic that anyone is going to judge a littlee or her mum for. Are there any children at nursery she gets on well with? Is there anyway you would feel able to mention a play date for an hour or so with their parent to help foster that friendship and make her feel more comfortable at nursery?

  • Also have you thought of asking for support yourself for anxiety and the way you mention you feel at the moment? Have you mentioned it to your partner or family at all so they could support you?

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