help please

hedgie · Mar 27, 2008 9:41AM

Help anyone please, my daughter is doing my head in. She is 3.5 years old and is still screaming. This started at about 18 months and I thought that especially if it was ignored it would disappear, but it hasn't. The screaming seems to be whenever she wants something. I feel like a right unfit mother. She won't just say I'd like a drink, she throws herself on the floor and begins screaming. She'll scream for the better part of an hour just over wanting a drink! I would happily get her a drink, but to avoid encouraging the behaviour I just say calmly "You must calm down and use words. I will happily get you a drink once you stop yelling at me." I've tried time outs and I've tried reward charts. In the last three months or so her temper seems to have escalated and she throws things. I have just picked her up when she hurls something at me and put her in her room. I tell her when she is calm I'd love to talk to her about what she would like or needs but she must calm down first. I have bought books about being mad and read them to her but she still just ends up in a melt down over nearly everything. This week she has spent (I'm ashamed to admit) nearly 16 hours in her room screaming. She distroys her room when she is in there. I have taken anything she can hurt herself with but she even takes the matress off the bed. She beats the door, and today as she was opening and slamming the door she slammed her hand in. She has two younger sisters and it's starting to take it's toll. I spend so much time just trying to set every situation up so she will cope with it and avoid things which make her fall to pieces. But with three children under for it's exhausting. Oh, just thought I'd note, my mil think's maybe more one on one time would help, but we already go out once a week just the two of us, and both her sisters nap in the afternoon, so she has two hours a day just one on one time. I don't have heaps more alone time to give her. I'm starting to feel like a candidate for nanny 911, any help would be welcomed. What am I doing wrong? I thought she'd grow out of this with encouragement and guidance.

$:\$ ?

[Modified by: abeasley on 27 March 2008 04:47:58 ]

nezy · Mar 27, 2008 3:33AM

there i couldnt read n run!!
Sorry to hear of the trouble you are having my youngest daughter is the same she will scream n throw herself on the floor and she is nearly 2 n half her older sister is 5 and at full time school i feel awful because at the mo she is very clingy she wont even go to her dad and if her sister comes to give me a hug then all hell breaks loose i have tried to spend a little time away from her by leaving her with her dad so i can go to shop with my eldest but by the time i get bk (half hr) she is in a right state sobbing and making her self sick i just dont no what to do, i am just hoping that she grows out of it by september as i am expecting again and i am dreading the thought of having to go into hospital and leave her!
So in away i can simpathise (sp) with you.
I feel like a terrible mother as i carnt give my eldest daughter as much attention as i would like as it ends up like world 3 as hit,
Sorry i carnt give u any advice there but i no what u r going through and if anybody out there as sum info to help us then pls it would be very much appreciated!
Sorry i have ranted on for ages must b hormones lol
Take care
Adele xxxxx

EnglebertW_nkface · Mar 27, 2008 9:26AM

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice but I didn't want to read n run. It sounds like you are doing all the things that people normally sugest for tantrums so I don't know what to suggest. My lo is only 19 months and only really chucks a wobbler out of frustration so it is relatively easy to head them off. The only thing I did wonder if you'd tried is sitting her on your knee facing away from you with her arms pinned in and not letting go untill she stops screaming. That sometimes works for me if lo is in a real rage but as I say she is a lot smaller. Hope you find a solution soon, it must be making life hell for you.
Kerry xx

mumto225 · Mar 27, 2008 9:41AM

it sounds like you've tried *everything* hun, i was just wondering when you put her in her room does she have to stay there until she stops screaming or do you go in after say 3mins and ask her if she'd like to calm down and come back down stairs? also would a time out spot be better than her room as she wouldn't be able to destroy the place?

does she go to nursery yet? maybe when she does she'll realise that everyone else isn't shouting and screaming iykwim?

hang in there, it sounds like your doing the right thing xx.

help please

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