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controlled crying

hi im having trouble with my sons sleeping. he has recently started waking up in the night again.

H/V advised controlled crying but he cries until he is sick so I dont think I can continue.

he wakes up out of habit as its only a bottle or cuddle that will get him bk to sleep.

Its really hard to do but i would continue if i thought it was gona benifit him but all it seems to be doing is upsetting him and me more.

Also Iv got another baby due in june so would like to get him through the night b4 he arrives.

Should i continue or has any1 got any other ideas?


  • How old is he? I used pickup put down with Millie but she was only 7 months at the time and I am not sure it would work with an older child. You could maybe try gradual withdrawal, sitting next to his cot/bed to start with and then each night moving a little bit further away untill you don't need to be in the room. Hope you find something that works, having two children to get up to in the night doens't sound much fun!
  • hi

    he is 15 months.

    iv tried gradual withdrawal but he screams until he is sick!

    what is pick up put down?

  • hi ya i have similar problem with my lo is is 11 months old he wakes 1/2 times a nite only breast feeding him will settle him if my oh tries to settle him with cuddle he just cries untill i take HIM and feed him its getting me down as im so tired now after 11 months of disturbed nites ive tried the leaving him to cry during the day but he will scream untill he chokes and is sick ive stayed with him but he just stands in his cot screaming for me to pick him up so i to could do with advise please sorry i cant help you good luck
  • in answer to your ? about pick up put down its when you put your lol to bed and leave the room and if he cries leave him for a say 5 mins then if still crying go in and give him a cuddle to calm him down then put him back and leave the room repeat this untill he goes to sleep ive watched this on baby wisperer on sky its a good idea if it works it might take a few hours buit they get the idea that they r staying in bed every time you leave the room stay increase the time before going back so if you leave it 5 mins first then do 10 mins then 15 and so on also if they go quiet and then start again leave it a bit as this can b a sign of them giving in to sleep
  • I did pick up put down a bit differently, I left Millie for a few minutes to see if she would settle and then went in and picked her up. I laid her against my shoulder and patted her back while making shush noises untill she stopped crying. As soon as she went quiet she went back in the cot, if she started crying again I got her straight back out. The theory was that when you put them down you carry on patting/shushing untill they fall asleep and then you creep out!
    I used a website called for support when I was sleep training Millie so that might be worth a look. The main reason the pupd is not great for older babies is that they are soooo heavy!
  • i tried p. u. p .d last night and almost 2 hours later!! - he was still crying and being 30 weeks pg i was absolutley shattered!! i done him a milk and after about 5 sucks on the bottle he rolled over and went to sleep!!

    im either gonna have to try again after the baby is born or try again just leaving him to cry!

  • hi with my daughter i used to put on a story/ lullaby cd and strock her head. and slowly i would lessen the time i smoothed her head. she now goes to sleep with a story cd on her own. i hope this helps as i know how sick you can feel when you leave them to cry x.
  • does he have a dummy to suck or a favorite teddy to cuddle? i'd just leave him for 5 mins lie him back down say night night and leave him for another 5 mins. i think after 2 hours i'd have given up too though!! can hubby do it instead?
  • isaac woke up twice last night but this morning i found a back tooth! hopefully this is what its been about! he dosnt have a dummy. he has a teddy that he loves but it gets thrown to the middle of the room when he cries.
  • aww bless i hope that was it then, mine is getting his 2 back teeth too, obviously getting his teeth in no order whatsoever!
    good luck hun xx.
  • iaac woke up last night id given him a top up of calpol before he went to sleep so knew he wouldnt be in too much discomfort, so i left him to cry for about 10 mins and he went bk to sleep by himself. Im really hoping teething is the problem but at the same time i feel guilty for all those nights of leaving him to cry when he might of been in pain.

    thanku for ur help and support ladies, im sooo grateful. i'll be sure to keep ur tips fresh in my mind for any future problems. Elaine xx

  • Can I recommend the Baby Sleep Book by Sears (can't remember his1st name.) It's very child-focused and talks of your child having to learn to sleep independently like they have to learn everything else. Warning though, they are very anti 'crying it out' method!!
  • I have 5 children, only one of which slept as a baby, and am currently trying to get my 17mth old who wakes up to 6 times a night regularly to sleep thru. I have found 2 things that seem to work, one is putting him down awake, cuddling, stroking and soothing him till he falls asleep then doing the same when he wakes in the night, and getting his dad to go in so he knows milk definately isnt on the menu! I found he is much more secure knowing someone will go in when he cries but at the same time he realises hes not going to get anything worth waking up for. The annoying thing is, whenever it looks like we've finally got it sorted, we go away/he gets ill/cuts a tooth etc. Hope this long waffle helps. x ps this is charliemummy's mummy!

    [Modified by: charliemummy on April 10, 2008 10:08 PM]
  • I was having similar problems and I spoke to a child psychologist. She suggested the following and it worked!!!!!! my son was 18 months when we did this.

    ****Do not take him out of the cot. Sit next to the cot and no matter how much he screams, sit there with your arm/hand through the bar and stroke his arm/leg/whatever you can reach. Don't speak at all unless it is a 'shhhh' or something similar. If he is sick, clean him up (in the cot if possible) then continue. Sit there for as long as it takes.***

    It's kind of like controlled crying except you don't leave the room.

    Here is what happened for us:

    1. The first night he stood up and screamed for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes he sat down and fell asleep sitting up. I gently lay him down and crept (so slowly!!!) out of his room with tear stained eyes. :cry:

    2. the second night he screamed for 2 minutes and then lay down and went to sleep. image

    3.the third night I settled him down, left the room to fetch something but realised he wasn't screaming, so I sat outside his door for 15 minutes then crept in and he was fast asleep. Probably had been for 15 minutes!:lol:

    I could not believe how well it worked. My son always refused to go in his cot and would fall asleep with much persuasion on the settee. he hated his cot. He would also have his daytime nap on the settee. After a week, he was also having his lunchtime nap in his cot and I didn't need to use the pyschologists method as he was quite happy to go. he now loves his cot.

    The thing that helped me was that while he was screaming, I didn't blame myself, I just sat there thinking how stupid the pschologist was and that it would never work. Hey presto - it did work!!!!! And I love the fact that you don't leave them on their own while they are distressed. I can't believe how quickly it worked, I was prepared for months of torture sitting next to his cot.

    Not to say that this will work for you, but anything is worth a try. It certainly changed our lives for the better.

    Good luck!

    [Modified by: caseymay on April 11, 2008 12:08 PM]
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