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how long did it take lo to settle in nursery?

Hi ladies,

My lo is 11 months and had his second settling in session today. It was only an hour and when i went to collect him he was hysterical, bright red, really very upset. They said he'd started 10 mintues before i arrived and were about to take his temperature as he was so hot. He's not ill, he'd just worked himself up so much he'd over-heated.

Im now really worried about my return to work in 2 weeks. How's he going to manage 4 hours there if he's in such a state after an hour?! Im going to take him twice next week but i think it'll be a long time before he's happy there.

I feel awful as he's not used to being left with anyone, we've not had anyone to leave him with.

Is this normal? Do you think he'll be ok, im so worried about him :cry:


  • its hard for me to say as my lo started at his nursery when he was 6 months and didn't ahve any settling in sessions but just went straight into a full day.
    I've never had any problems with Shea at nursery as he's always loved it and I struggle to get him to leave sometimes.

    but I have witnessed some other children who have started at an older age: -

    I've seen one little girl who started at one year and she screams blue murder when her mum leaves, but literally 2 minutes after she's all smiles and giggles and as right at rain!!

    I've also seen others who get quite upset and tetchy just before their parents arrive, its like they know the time is coming and get fed up and want their parents.

    I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure he'll be fine and he will pick up on your anxieties too so try and be positive. As long as you are happy and comfortable with the nursery he will be ok. You can always phone them as much as you like too. Do they keep a diary so you can also see what he's been up to? Shea's nursery has so many activities for them I don't think he has time to miss me!!!!

    Going back at first is very hard and you'll probably be hard on yourself at first but it does get better and lo will settle xx
  • Thanks for the reply. It's a wonderful nursery, the best in the area-it's onsite where i work so im only a 2 minute walk away (not really sure if this is a good thing or not!). He'll have a daily dairy of his activities and i have to fill in forms about his development etc.

    It was just awful seeing him so upset. Ive got visions of them phoning me at work to collect him. I will try to stay really calm and happy around him though, i don't want him to pick up on my anxiety.

    Im just struggling with the whole back-to-work thing in general xx
  • The whole back to work thing is very hard I know, I went back 4 days when he was 6months and he's now 29months and i'm currently working 5 days and I still struggle with my guilt sometimes!!

    but it does get better, honest!! Just remember that when you aren't working your time with lo has to be the best quality fun ever!!!

    I also think that me working and Shea going to nursery has done him the world of good. He is very foward for his age and interacts so well with other children and adults, and I believe this is all to do with the activities and help he gets at nursery.

    It also the best feeling in the world to collect him and as soon as he sees me he runs up and give me the biggest hug and kiss, and now he's talking telling me he loves me (makes me cry everytime!!) but even tho he's glad to see me I know he hasn't missed me that much!!!

    I don't think nursery would call you if he didn't stop crying, after all you are paying for their service and they need to do all they can to make him happy. If you are so close why don't you ask if you could pop in at lunchtimes and have an hour with him at nursery then??

    Good luck honey I'm sure everything will work out fine xx
  • OK well I have a totally different flip of the coin here and I am NOT trying to worry you but just be realistic. I returned to work 2 days a week when Max was 9 months and it was HIDEOUS - he screamed and cried and arched his back etc etc everytime I left him at nursery, he was a VERY clingy baby and like you we have no one close by to leave him with so he was used to being with me. BUT the nursery never once rang me at work because he was upset - as claire a belle says they are paid to look after them. Max's nursery is FANTASTIC and his key worker is amazing and often had to carry him around ALL day and even have him with her during her lunch break and even then he spent the first few months crying basically all day, then he would not let anyone else near him but her and then eventually he would calm through the day. When he was 15 months he went to nursery full time and I have to say within a week of this he was a far more settled boy and quickly loved the place.

    Now at 26 months he still loves nursery runs off happily in the morning always smiling and full of kisses and he loves all the other kids and staff. Nursery has been the making of him.

    It is soooooooo hard but it will come good and your lo will settle I promise but some take longer than others! image
  • Thankyou, you've made me feel better. It's so hard itsn't it, i just want to stay at home with him, i just hope he eventually enjoys it. I could pop in and see him during my break, im not sure if it would make him worse but it's definatley something to consider. Thanks again xx
  • Lily used to wimper when we left her but that was when she got to about 11 / 12 months (she went from 6 months only two days a week and didn't cry at first. ) Now she rarely cries and happily goes off in. She's 20 months. x
  • Pbob if you are worried, ask the nursery if you can spend more time there with him (so he gets used to being with the people when you are around). You could try just sitting in the corner, so he has a chance to build relationships with the other adults but in a way which doesn't involve you not being there. If the nursery aren't very sure about the idea, try insisting that you do it for one session, and perhaps half of a second one. That will also help make you feel more comfortable - you can see that Max is okay, and he can explore knowing that you are around. I know it isn't the standard way of doing things, but you need to be happy as well as Max. It is so very hard, but it will get easier. Hugs, ally x
  • Thanks again for the replies, it's so good to hear peoples experiences especially as they have happy endings!

    I'm going to speak to the nursery tomorrow and get him booked in for 2 sessions next week, I'm going to ask if I can stay with him for one of them-see if that helps. We've also worked out that hubbie has enough annual leave left to take to cover the first 2 weeks when I go back. We're going to see if they'll let us leave lo for just 2 hours instead of the full 4 or 4 so it could be another month until he's going for a longer period. Hopefully that'll ease his anxieties slightly.

    Thanks again girls xx
  • hey my little lad is 2 on friday, he started nursery 6 months ago, he hated it at first, kicked and screamed the place down. took him about 5 months to really settle in,now he walks in,puts his coat on his peg and says bye to me without any bother image
  • Hi

    Jack started nurrsery at 9 months hes now 26 months and just moved up another room to Tigers. He was always fine when he was younger but just recently he screams blue murder when i leave him. I worry all morning at work then when i call at lunch hes been fine and playing all morning. Its hard to leave them but id try not to worry too much xx
  • Hi

    Jack started nurrsery at 9 months hes now 26 months and just moved up another room to Tigers. He was always fine when he was younger but just recently he screams blue murder when i leave him. I worry all morning at work then when i call at lunch hes been fine and playing all morning. Its hard to leave them but id try not to worry too much xx
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