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to all stay at home mums...

hi i have given up work a few months ago after getting married. i have one child age 3 from a previous relationship and am 3 months preg with second. my husband works fulltime, sometimes doesnt come home til after 8pm.and has 2 days off perr week.. i would like to ask what happens in other people houses, when they are a stay at home mum and their partner works most of the your partners help with children/housework inthe evenings?are you expected to so everything? this is all very new to me as i am used to being at work parttime and 3wanted to give up work to be with my daughtrer (now that i have a husband to earn etc i have been ablet o do this and feel very fortunate for the opportunity) but at times it gets me down. i feel it is very much like he works and i do everything else, to me he has it the easiest but what do you all think?what are your situations?is it reasonable to expect my husband to do things around the house when he's off or am i just pushing it? i just feel i dont get days off or evenings off whereas he does.


  • I am at home full time with my little girl who is 14 months and I am 7 weeks pregnant with my second. I do most of the cleaning, shopping etc but my husband is really good about doing his fair share when he is at home. He works full time but most weeks he does three early shifts (8am till 6pm) and two late shifts (1pm till 10pm), he works in retail so he has different days off each week. When it is his day off or he is on a late shift he nearly always gives my lo her breakfast so I can have a lie in or a long shower in peace and when he is home in the evening he either cooks dinner while I do bath and story time or he does the bath while I cook.
    I think if at the end of the day when your lo is in bed you are still running about while he is sat with his feet up then he definately should be helping out. I bet that when he is at work he gets a break for lunch and coffe beaks, I can't remember the last time I got to drink a full cup of tea unless someone else was there as well!
  • I work full time but am on mat leave & at the moment do all the cleaning & laundry & cooking for lo but my husband, who works 8-5 in a manual job, is expected to wash bottles & dishes, empty bins & most of the feeding/changing of lo at the weekends. He also cooks his own food as he eats only his own ethnic food. And as far as I am concerned, you do a full time job & so does your oh so he should be picking up some of the slack when at home & weekends.

    When I go back to work full time me & oh will sit down & discuss the housework, laundry etc as I certainly wont be doing it all & having a full time job.

    If your oh seems to think you have to do it all then start billing him for every hour you "work" & see how he likes paying your salary 24hrs a day. image
  • im a stay at home mum my oh works 6.30 am till 7/8 pm depending on how busy they are so during the week i always do cooking and cleaning but he does put the kids to bed so he gets to spend some time with the and he has the baby whilst i have a bath and do my hair but at the weekends he does the cleaning and gets up with the kids so i can have a lie in and some me time
  • hi my partner works away monday to friday & although he's a good dad i have to prompt him to help me with the children or housework & if im honest im starting to resent him, we have been bickering alot lately he says he finds it hard & i make him feel he has an easy life. but in some respects he has, he only has to worry about himself monday to friday & at weekends i have to ask for help when i wish he'd just get off his bum & do stuff automatically (like i have to) i feel like my working week never ends!!!!
  • I've been a stay at home mum since we had our daughter 2 years ago & am currently 37 weeks pregnant with our 2nd baby. My husband leaves the house at 6.30am& returns at 6pm Monday to Friday. Although I do the majority of the shopping & housework he will help out without having to be asked when he comes home. He'll also help with the dinner & our daughter too in the evenings which is great.

    I think he realises just how intense it can be at times when you are at home & its not always possible with a 2 yr old to get ALL the housework done. We also go to alot of activities through the week such as mother & toddler group & jo jingles as well as various trips to places like the park or the farm so we are not alays in the house either.

    Hilary x
  • Im a stay at home mum, my oh works full time with weekends off but is on call 24 7. Our daughter is 21months. I do EVERYTHING around the house but I dont mind as oh brings in the money. I used to moan all the time about him not helping but it never got me anywhere and we ended up arguing all the time. I am a much happier person now for keeping my mouth shut and getting on with it. I mean i have all day to do it and if i dont do it oh doesnt care. I like to keep our home clean & tidy, it makes me feel better, not only that but it passes the time, it can sometimes be a very long week.
  • hi,
    i am on mat leave at min (had lo 4 months ago) and have 3 children from 4 months to almost 5 years. My oh works full time and before mat leave i used to work at weekends.
    we do the shopping together although i do most of cleaning oh will help if asked with out much complaint. when he comes home from work we have dinner (that i make) then he gets the kids some milk, gets them changed for bed and puts them to bed and reads a story. i usually do washing up and hoovering whilst he is doing this but if i am rushed he will also do hoovering.
    when i worked weekends he also used to do housework whilst i was at work and make the dinner whilst i was at work.
  • Hi, Im a full time mum to a 3 yr old and a 1yr old. My oh leaves eveything to me. I dont mind during the week because he does work long hours, but he has never even got up once with the kids at the weekend so I can have a lie in! He goes out with his mates every Friday and most Saturdays and doesn't get home till the early hours, the last time I went out with my mates was before my 3yr old was born. I've lost touch with most of them now.

    He spends very little time with the kids to the extent that our daughter wont stay with him at all and cries for me. I even have to take her up to the bathroom with me when I have a shower!

    He is very critical too and moans if there are toys on the floor or something, and asks what do I do all day! He has not once fed our daughter or changed her nappy or bathed her. He changed our son a handfull of times when he was still in nappies and gave him a bottle once. Its very sad and he cant see what he is missing out on.

    I've had enough.
  • hi . i am a stay at home mum to 5. 2 at school. one at nursery and 2 at home. my hubby works all day but when he comes home he does his fair share with the kids and the house hold things. i do the cooking and cleaning but he is really good at helping. am very lucky really. xxx
  • Hiya... Babybump3 - I hope everything is ok with you, you sound as though you have alot on your plate but your little girl must be really adore you. It's a hard one as your hubby does earn the cash but at least when he gets home he can relax wheras a mum is on call 24/7. My OH's dad did nothing for him & his 2 brothers & finds it strange that Danny will happily change nappies & sing silly songs to baby. I am on MAT leave at the mo & (although this may sound really sad & old fashioned) I like to keep the house clean & tidy for LO & OH & I also love being at home when OH gets in from work & being able to cook him dinner every night. Before baby, I worked 55 hours a week & cant even think about going back to that now ( even though I need to get a job for the money). I think working Dad's should help a little with the children & around the home, but I wouldn't expect Dan to cook & clean for me as well as earn the money right now & when I have to go back to work I know that I'll need some extra help with the chores.
  • I do 90% of all the housewrk,cooking,childcare etc. But I would sometimes like it if he took the initative to do the dishes once in a while. Ive tried leaving them for a day or 2 to see if he notices,as he always says not to moan and he will do it in his own time.......................................Yeah sure 3 days later and there still there! I think thats d one single thing that we argue about the most. I dont ask him to do much around d home,but it does bug me that when he fin wrk,then he,s done. I wish i could have a cut off time too !
  • hi, im a s.a.h.m i havent worked since i went on maternity leave in june 05 to have my daughter.
    i was going back to work this summer, after my girl turned 2 and was all set to go back in september, but then in june i discovered im pregnant (by then i was quite far gone) and due in jan so there was no point in going back for a few months.
    the only problem is that my fiance had given up work to go back to uni so we're a bit up the creek financially but we get by!
    i look after our daughter when he's at uni and he looks after her and does some of the house work when he's home! its great! but im the one who runs the house, i have to be!
    it does get me down being at home alone alot, but as we're a few years older im lucky that he doesnt want the student life style of going out partying all the time and he'd prefer to be athome with us.
    im very lucky he's so domesticated as ive had pnd and he's had to pull his weight....
    we all get by, if i didnt have my friends and my mum id go spare!
  • I'm on MAT leave with my 5 month old (first bb). This is a hot topic with my friends at the moment as I feel like it never stops and I rarely get any me time. Before bb arrived we shared most of the chores the one thing I dominated was the laundry and still do after my OH put my 'hand wash' beaded jeans in the washing machine - I went ballistic!
    Now, the first two weeks with bb and OH on Paternity Leave was great - he was very helpful. When he went back to work everything seemed to change and he stopped being so helpful with the bb. Unfortunately for my OH I know his work load as he is covering my ML! (we met at work). So after a couple of weeks of me arguing with myself in my head about him...I threw a couple of hissy fits over him not making any scrifices in his life over various things happening in our life...and now he is doing a bit more but unfortunately I still have to ask him to do anything, if I don't either I end up doing it or it doesn't get done. The only thing he always does is the cooking. I have played on the fact that when he wakes in the morning he has to get up and can't fall asleep again (I don't know why as I don't find it a problem falling to sleep again!) so when our bb wakes I let him make noise long enough for my OH to wake up and take bb downstairs so I get to stay in bed!
    My friend's husband is incharge of cleaning the bathroom & en suite every Saturday morning - she never does it. I think I will have to talk to my OH and let him decide what he will do and set it to a day like that.
    I hate the fact that I always have to ask him to do anything (even if he is happy to do it) as it makes me feel like a nagging wife.
    Be patient if you ask OH to do something and they don't do it OH cocks up the simplest of things but looks very crestfallen when I tell him he must practise more then - he was hoping to get out of doing some things! He wouldn't change nappies at one point as I was using pins with washable terry squares - my sister quashed that excuse when she bought me some Nappi Nippas!
    If my OH was bringing in mega bucks then maybe I would be more forgiving of his lack of enthusiasim with the chores (I'd have a cleaner!)...a couple of designer handbags & luxury holidays would be very appeasing but alass he doesn't so he should be helping! lol! :lol:
  • My oh started his own business when our son was only 5 months old, so is on call 24/7 and is out alot of the time. Our son is now 14 months old and i am pregnant with our second and although he will be absolutely shattered when he gets in form work, he will spend every minute of it playing, bathing, reading and generally running round after Logan and me. I do alot of the house work because of his long hours but he will help out when hes home. Im very lucky hes a very hands on dad. I also work part time 3 nights a week, which not only brings money in, but is more of a social life for me because i have great friends there and he always makes sure that he is at home to look after our son.
    I cant understand dads that don't want to get involved in there kids lifes, i think if they stayed home for a couple of days and let there other halfs go to work they would quickly realise who has the harder job. x
  • Glad to hear other people are fed up of having to ask hubby's to do things that any one can see need doing!!
    I have gone back to work part-time (my son is 15 mths now) but he used to do so much more when i was full time before our baby.
    He doesn't moan if i ask him to do something but i do get fed up of asking and when he looks after our son when i work on a saturday and he doesn't do any housework during that time but expects me to do it with my son at home.
    Anyway rant over I should stop moaning really and think of the men who dont do anything!!
  • Glad to hear other people are fed up of having to ask hubby's to do things that any one can see need doing!!
    I have gone back to work part-time (my son is 15 mths now) but he used to do so much more when i was full time before our baby.
    He doesn't moan if i ask him to do something but i do get fed up of asking and when he looks after our son when i work on a saturday and he doesn't do any housework during that time but expects me to do it with my son at home.
    Anyway rant over I should stop moaning really and think of the men who dont do anything!!
  • I am a stay at home mum with a 31/2 year old and an 18 month old. It is hard work. I do find that I do almost all of the cooking for me and children and housework etc. My husband will take care of the children when he is home and has been known to do the washing up. He does put them to bed most nights and I have a lie in one day at the weekend. Part of my problem is that my youngest is going through the clingy stage and wants me all the time. I have also started working part time and I am finding this harder.
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