Manners (also in BID 08)
Abby is now 16 months old and is starting to say a few words (mainly animals ). For the last couple of months I've been saying "Say Ta" when giving her something she likes but have not been pushing the point. Over the last week or so she will occasionally say "ta" in return and I was really pleased. However when I picked her up from nursery this evening I was challenged and told that her manners weren't good, she never said "Ta" or "thank you" and was very stubborn over it. I was then asked if I ever asked her to say "ta".
Now I was just starting to be pleased that she was saying "Ta" every now and again. Is she slow in starting to do this? Is my daughter the rudest child around? Am I negletting her future manners?
I feel really chastened over this, especially as she has only just got over hitting the other children. Obviously I want her to be polite but I feel that she is still quite young and I can't really tell whether she is being stubborn when not saying "ta" or is actually struggling with the word. Is 16 months too young to expect her to do this?
Thanks for your help,
H xx
Now I was just starting to be pleased that she was saying "Ta" every now and again. Is she slow in starting to do this? Is my daughter the rudest child around? Am I negletting her future manners?
I feel really chastened over this, especially as she has only just got over hitting the other children. Obviously I want her to be polite but I feel that she is still quite young and I can't really tell whether she is being stubborn when not saying "ta" or is actually struggling with the word. Is 16 months too young to expect her to do this?
Thanks for your help,
H xx
0
Replies
I don't think your daughter is rude (unless she's snatching, for example), or that you are neglecting her manners - do keep asking her to say Ta, and saying it when she gives you something, it'll come in its own time. I really don't see that she can be the only 16 month old in the nursery who doesn't really say Ta yet.
Oh, and possibly sometimes she might be being stubborn - but she's a toddler!
That sounds a bit harsh I know and I wasn't that harsh with him - I just used to say 'juice please' to him or whatever when he asked for something - not that he had very many words at that time - but by the time he was 18 months old and he'd got the hang of please he had to say it before he got something.
He got the hang of thankyou (which turned into thanks really) by about 20 months and now at...umm... 28 months he says please & thankyou very well and he even mostly says pardon me when he farts or burps, and says move please when you are in his way (we had confusion with excuse me so I've left that one)
I'd have been furious with nursery if they'd said that to me - at that age you can only try and get them to say words and they don't always understand - whether its manners or other things and tbh imo if you've got your lo off hitting other kids tehn thats way more important than manners at her age.
You really have nothing to worry about i dont think its possible for a 16month old to be rude,
I would not be happy with them if i were you
x x x
I think sometimes staff at nurseries and preschools can forget how different they are at different ages, and how language can advance so suddenly and quickly around 18mths and 2yrs.
When my ds was 2.5 and started a couple of sessions of pre-school, they told me they took special care of their '2yr olds' and they had a list on the wall "Our 2yr olds are: blah blah blah" with a list of all their names.
But then they kept mentioning things to me that they didn't think he was understanding enough - and that lots of the other children were far more confident than him - well of course they were - loads of them were 4 yrs old!!!!!!
Try not to let it upset you - I ended up delaying ds preschool until 3 in the end - and he settled in much better (although obviously this may not be a choice for you).
xx
Archie now 18 months and we are getting a new word every day. But at that age he only said ta or peas (please) on occassion. And even now he doesn't always say it.
I think your nursery are being a bit ridiculous to be honest. I'm just reading through Toddler Taming just now and one of the things he mentions is that toddlers have no sense of adult values. I would include manners as one of those things.
At this age it's not manners she is learning, she has no real concept of what it means. She just knows that she is expected to say it and that will only happen with repitition. So keep doing what you are doing and eventually she will say it more often. S x