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I have a boy 4 in Feb and i am desperate for another one ever since he turned 2. I fell pregnant earlier this year and mis carried at 11 weeks. When i was near the end of my first pregnancy i came down with pre eclampsia and had a rough time and the little one had a lot of probs needless to say he is a very bright healthy boy. With all this that happened my husband came down with depression and has just nicely in Jan this year come out of it. When i fell pregnant he was worried and had just come to terms with it when i lost the baby. I would like to have another one but he says he cant go through all this again and therefore doesnt want anymore children. This has started to come between us and i dont know what to do. I feel that life goes on and lots of people go through the same and go on to have healthy pregnancys and children but he seems determined. Am i been selfish, what would you do please help cos its driving me insane.

Replies

  • I didn't want to r&r because you sound like you're in a real dillema. Honestly I have no experience in any of this but one question did come to mind. Did your husband see a psyciatrist / councellor during his illness? If so is there any way you could both go back and talk this through to help to find a happy solution to this? I really hope you can work through this.
  • He did not get any help in talking he just had anti depressents. I have sujested that we go to a counseller but he says he wont ,after talking he said part of him wants another and part of him doesnt but is he just saying that to cool off the atmosphere i am really confused as to what he wants and where it could be leading. I have thought about getting a counseller to come to the house and help but im not sure its the right thing to do.
  • How about making an appointment for you both with your GP and ask them to lay out the facts of pregnancy after miscarriage. (You may need to pre warn them so they can have the facts ready). At least this would give your husband the facts on which to think and decide how he feels. The 'cooling off period' sounds good but maybe giving him the facts and then the room to really sort out how he feels would help. The one thing I think is very important is to keep the lines of comunication open.
  • What a nightmare for you.
    I'm sure that with a mc behind you and your husband's depression, you would be very closely monitored if you were pregnant again and would get early scans. Do you think that would help you oh? It might give him a bit of reassurance.
    I like the idea of writing down your feelings in a letter to him, it might help clarify things in your own mind as well.
  • thanks girls for all your help we went out on thursday night for a meal away from home and talked he has said he wants cool off time but also wants to go see a counseller to talk about what has happened since the first l.o and to see if it will help him get over the depression and everything else so things are moving on and since the chat the atmosphere has been better and we are back on talking terms cheers once again
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