Feeling resentful of my toddler

MrsC06 · Sep 22, 2010 2:19PM

He has turned into a total monster over the past few months.
I can handle the temper tantrums (He's two and a half so I've been expecting that) but I can't handle the way he rejects me. He would rather spend time with anyone other than me and if asked if he loves mummy he says no, he just loves daddy. This morning he announced out of the blue that he doesn't like mummy, he just likes daddy. After a sleepless night up with his little brother this was too much for me and I just burst into tears and now I can barely look at him. I'm finding that I'm starting to reject him the way he is rejecting me, which is ridiculous - I'm the adult, I need to rise above it, but I'm finding it all so hard.
Anyone else been through this? Please tell me it's just a phase. I've devoted the last 3 years entirely to his welfare and I so want to have a good relationship with my kids as they grow up.

fiandrup · Sep 22, 2010 3:40AM

not got time for big reply but just thought you might need a
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).
love fiona

CupcakeLadyJ · Sep 22, 2010 3:47AM

Its not really the same... but I am finding that Toby rarely wants me at the moment too. At the weekend its Daddy Daddy Daddy - he doesn't want anything to do with me. As I think I see him more than my hubby anyway (as I do the nursery run etc. and he's home later) we just go with it, its very sweet and hubby feels dead proud.
But when it comes down to it - it does make me feel sad so you aren't alone. He hardly wants a hug anymore (although still puckers up for a kiss!), doesn't want to sit with me and read - only Daddy. Only wants Daddy in the mornings and cries whenever Daddy goes.
All I can say is I've been told its a phase and they do this sometimes. Next week it could be all about Mummy.
Toby is nearly 17 months.
So sorry you're feeling so sad - sending you a huge hug.
My only other suggestion - my hubby has learnt to read when I get upset about it, so he makes Toby spend time with me and goes away so T has no choice.
xxxxxx

grudie · Sep 22, 2010 5:09AM

we went through a stage where my Ds only wants daddy to do things for him but he was with me 95% of the day 5 days of the week then 100% at the weekends,where as my hubby would be away for work at 7 and most days isn't back until at least 6 so he has the opportunity to 'miss' daddy,it made me feel like utter crap and made me wonder if i was such a horrible mummy as i was the one doing all the discipline also where daddy got to do the fun stuff at night

They dont mean it tho hun,they just no the buttons to push when your feeling your worst,i used to reply to the i dont love you...with well mummy loves you very much........theres is light tho because i now have a mummy's boy even tho the time we spend together is only a little less then before and im still the 'meanie' in our house lol he tells me every day how much he loves me and walking back from nursery he holds my hand and gives it kisses and says 'mummy i missed you and i love you'

to come from where i was before with me feeling like he'd rather not have me as a mummy and wouldnt miss me it has changed full circle...hang in there hun next month it could be all about you xxxx

claire-abelle · Sep 22, 2010 5:44AM

oh honey, sorry you're feeling this way!!
I can't offer any advice, maybe my hubby can, as its him that suffers this with Shea not me.

I have to do everything for him when I'm there, dad can not do a thing, dress him, wipe his bum, put him to bed, get his tea etc!! but I couldn't imagine feeling like this

I am sure its just a stage tho and he certainly doesn't mean to be nasty. He'll grow out of it and i'm sure he loves his mummy dearly!!

big hugs
xx

alison_eardley · Sep 22, 2010 9:21AM

I don't have any direct experience of this because my dd is only 18 months, and DS is due in 2 months, but I'm already a bit anxious that it will happen. A friend of mine told me that her DD1 moved from being mummy mummy mummy to only wanting her daddy when DD2 was born. It is so hard to feel rejected, but he is probably really worried you are rejecting him because you now spend time looking after his little brother too. I'd guess it is one of those I'm going to push you away just to check that you don't actually go. He is feeling scared and acting defensively (I hasten to add not through any fault of yours, but just because having to share your Mummy is always going to be tough). So I'd say, basically ignore his rejection because what he wants more than anything is to know that you love him anyway, even if he is naughty and being 2. It is horribly hard, but you are still going to be the most important person in his world because you are his mummy and he loves you more than anything (even if he won't say so).

And, also it will be a phase. My friends DD1, whilst she is now closer to her Daddy than before DD2 came along, she is back to favouring Mummy at least as much as Daddy.

Sending you huge big hugs,

Ally

MrsC06 · Sep 22, 2010 12:08PM

Thanks for all the replies and virtual hugs.
I guess the arrival of ds2 was always going to cause a few problems. We've had a nice enough day though, read a story, done some puzzles, baked some scones, hopefully given time and as much attention as possible ds1 will come round.

mrs_davies · Sep 22, 2010 2:19PM

my son is 2 and half and he rejects me sometimes specially if daddys home or if hes been to someones house, on some occasions ive walked out of the room and gone upstairs and cried. my husband exactly knows why ive left the room and hes so lovely but doesnt really know what to do.

I do think its just a stage they r going through believe me, but its a case of holding in there till grows out of it.

Feeling resentful of my toddler

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