Forum home Toddlers & older children Toddler

Not sure what to do?

It's Mandy,

Just feeling a little bit low! Still trying to get my baby daughter (now 17 months) to go through the night. I am still breastfeeding her and I have had along conversation with the Health Visitor, who was really good, to try and put her down during the day without milk and then when she is happy with that, tackle the night time!

I guess it just feels like it was a million years ago I slept through the night! I know I keep using this as an excuse, but she was a miracle baby and I have given her and given into so much, we are very attached.

It worries me as I would really like to have another one, but I worried it might take along time and with so many people getting pregnant around me, it is a harsh reminder of what it used to be like failing every month, getting excited and then being let down again, when other people seem to just think about getting pregnant and they do!

I guess that is why I hold on so tight and love her so much!

Also, I am wandering has anyone after having a baby suffer from lack of interest in sex and there partner/husband (we do have sex, but things have changed a bit between us, I am wandering if it is the hormones, but our relationship has changed, is that really normal, especially over a long period of time, without suffering postnatal depression?

My husband and I get on, it's just sometimes, maybe it's just me I am a worrier and over analytical at times!

It would be nice to know that someone out there is going through or has been through the same thing as me and that they have come through the otherside!

Mandy XXXX


  • Hi hun your not alone on the sex side of things.I was told my labido would return at some point but i have no intrest at all since riley was born.We to do still have sex but i feel like hubby is constantly asking for it all the time and all i want to do is sleep.
    I to say its a hormone thing,but like you say your still BF,that maybe something to do with it.
    I take the pill and thyroixin tablets as i have an underactive thyroid and this can also lead to loss of labido,i have been taking these since riley was 3mths hense one of the reasons i stoped BF him.

    Im sure that in time it will all come back but not sure when,we are all different so who no's.

    But i no how you feel on this but im not helpful with the BF and night feeds at this age.

    I did take my niece on at 6wks and managed constant waking with her and riley as his still a funny sleeper,but we learn to cope and adjust.

    Hope one of the other girls can help with the BF.
    Good luck.
  • Hi, can't reall advise on the bf and nights but i def know what you mean bout sex. I really can't be bothered and its a combination of tiredness and feeling fat and frumpy. I too over analize EVERYTHING where my oh is concerned, if he doesn't come on to me i think he doesn't fancy me but if he does i say no as too tired, then i won't come on to him as i'm worried he'll push me away and so its goes around like that!! Hope you get some helpful advice and can get things on the right track for you x
  • Sorry but I am no help at all on this topic!!

    Firstly my fiance works away with the Navy, he had 4 weeks off after Bronwyn was born and then was away for 10 weeks so we "had" to get our sex life back before he went away. We didn't want to leave it until he was next home.

    I couldn't breastfeed and so have little experience of this either!!!

    And I appear to be one of those people that think about getting pregnant and it happens. This is after 2 years of trying with a previous partner and nothing happening and being told that it was very likely that I would need fertility treatment to concieve. I have spent 7 years worrying about not being able to have a baby and its happened twice in 2 years! ( i count my blessings every day!!)

    I hope you manage to get things sorted soon, and hopefully baby number 2 will follow!!!
    Sending baby dust your way!!!
  • Me and my partner are very open about sex... firstly Men are always 'up for it', dont worry about them turning you down, its more of a function that can be turned on like a switch. women need coaxing into the idea, but mainly you have to feel that your valued, respected, beautiful and when ttc its hard to feel like that when sex is a means to an end iykwim. My lebido went down, but is slightly coming back, try to remember what your love life was like before children/ttc. I know it helped me through the baby blues after milly was born, just a shame i fell pregnant through it all (not that I dont love by babies, just wish they could have waited to come along).

    Milly is a similar age, Mandy. I didnt BF after 12 weeks, but she was still up everynight two or three times till about 12 months. But then the twins are still getting up at least once a night each, but at different times they are 8mnts. If you focus on missing sleep, you'll miss it more.

    I cant pass any advice on attachment issues as Milly has always had to share me with either a pregnant belly or babies, and will never know any different.

    I wish you well on the baby making front though...
  • Thank you all so much, it is really hard time. When you are at home looking after the children and doing the housework (which never gets done!) you do feel a little resentful and you think about what your life was before kids! When your other half is going out to work and escaping everyday!

    I guess you just have to work alittle harder at your relationship when you have kids, so they don't get forgotten, even if you feel you have been!

    I'm sure she will stop feeding when she is ready, I hope is soon as I would like my body back for a bit, before the next one comes ( should lightning strike twice!)

    Mandy XXXXX
  • If you are considering another and I really hope that it does happen for you remember this.....

    my mom told me to always remember that Jake was first and should always be attended to first where possible. The new baby, in my case Joel, was never first and would never know the difference if he had to wait just a little longer. This is not a horrible way to treat your children, just a way of being able to deal with the demands of two children. You can't be everywhere all the time.

    Be kind to your self, you sex life is something that in all honesty could wait. Your oh is probably tired too and may feel a little overwhelmed by having a child and sex might be the only way he can express himself.

    Take care of your little family and it will all come together I promise

    Hannah -x-
  • Thank you Hannah, I am worried how my daughter would cope with a younger sibling, she will always be my miracle baby, so would the next, but she would never be left out.

    I am a little concerned about my marriage, my husband comes in from working long hours and I have been looking after kids (I have eight year old adopted twins)and seems like we have nothing in common, he's tired talking about work (he's new business) and moaning about the house, because I've been cleaning all day!

    Maybe you have to be 'Super Mum' to have more kids, I just feel you have to be calmer and more organised than me, I feel like a failure alot of the time. My daughter won't sleep through the night and twins are at each others throats most of the time! I can't keep up the housework and kids are so messy, I think I might go mad!!!

    Sorry for going on!

    Any help would be great!

    Mandy XXXX
  • Hi Mandy!! As a mum of three too I don't think you have to be supermum, its probably harder if you are! Its more about letting things go if you can. I make alot of work for myself as like the house to be tidy as poss (but only put the toys away at the end of the day, I am forever washing and ironing, walking to school, nurseries, kids classes etc. It is a tiring and lonely job at times. But of course I love it and would still love another baby but we don't have the room/finances or energy! I am very lucky in that my partner is very involved and very patient! He is extremely supportive and we have a great relationship. But everything revolves around the kids, we rarely go out or have any quality time. Our youngest still sleeps in our room as he won't sleep through and I worry he will wake our two year old if we put them in together so this of course impacts on our time alone together which is pretty much zero! We are trying to get our social life back on track at the minute. We are very fortunate though as we do just enjoy being at home with the kids and are happy like that.
  • Don't I envy you, you seem to have what I would like!

    Don't get me wrong we do have some fun times as a family, but is does get stressful sometimes and I was having a bad day yesterday as me and my baby daughter are unwell! I've got a chesty cough, I have had for around a month (despite to rounds of antibiotics) and my daughter also has a nasty cough and runny nose!

    My fertility will be gone for good, as my stress and worry levels are quite high, not mention all medication I am on! I do worry when I shouldn't!

    My husband and I had a long talk about everything today, he has tried to re-assure me that he loves all of us and that, things are hard, but will get better when the new business is more established!

    He does want more children and that I need to relax more not worry and analyze everthing!

    I am thinking of having some accupunture, allergy test and toxin test to see if that will help to get pregnant and my overall well being, which I would like to sort out first.

    I guess I need to realise that there are no perfect families and that you have to be happy with what you have and make the best of the situation you are in at the time.

    If anyone has any advice on allergy and toxin tests and any good accupunturists?

    Mandy XXXX
  • whereabouts are you Mandy? there should be an association of accupuncturists so that you can find a good registered one near to you. My friend goes to one as she has had several ivf attempts and is trying lots of alternatives. I know you might not want to hear this but before you think about another baby you need to be in a place where you are happy and relaxed with what you have otherwise the stress of a pregnancy with a toddler will make things even harder. I know as I found it very hard being pregnant when Tate was not even one and not walking and wanting to be carried was not fun! When Luka was newborn there was a lot of stress and tears as I found it very hard to cope at first with a newborn and an 18month old. You have to have a very strong relationship and lots of patience with each other. Luckily Terry is like that and got me through some dark days at the time.
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions