Working mum or stay at home mum??? People upsetting me !


Anyone put thought into if you are going back to work after we have babies?

I am hoping to stay at home until baby starts school. This would mean staying at home for 3 - 4 years to bring up baby (this could all change - depends on how I feel at the time and finances etc) - but ideally I would like to bring up my child myself.

I told someone this at work ( I work with a LOT of working mums) and they are horrified at the thought of me wanting to not return to work !

People are telling me I need a carreer, and should not be lazy and stay at home and people (including family) are making me feel like its Wrong to stay at home with a baby! I don't want to be viewed as a lazy stay at home mum : (



  • I want to stay at home too, i havent had any comments but i think my mum will be dissapointed but she was a major career mum and i do feel like i lost out, i was at childminders 8-6 five days a week from 4 months to aged 12! i just want to be with my children, i will prob work part-time, maybe like 10 hours a week in the job i do now, just to keep me sain, I dont think there is anything wrong with doing either and i certainly dont think it is lazy to be a stay at home mum! xx
  • Hay stace,
    I have done both and I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a stay at home mum :lol:

    When i got preg my OH asked me to give up work and i didnt want to (only shop work) but i loved it and didnt want to give it up.... Well i worked for a year and then my childcare went pair shaped lol and had no time to find childcare and and still work, I ended up leaving my job of 5 years to be a stay at home mummy.....
    Now i cant belive i ever thought i would hate it... dont get me wrong i am so so lucky to be have the choice and not everyone has the option.... I missed my son walking talking all sorts just because people said i would hate being at home all day.........
    and being at home all day can be boring but my house is always looking FAB :lol: and i get to play all day with my LO....

    As far as looking like a lazy [email protected] no such thing :lol:
    OMG washing, cooking, Washing up, ironing, hoovering, cleaning, shopping, (bottles, Feeding baby/child, changing bedding making beds) it goes on and you will have a baby to look after to trust me i find it hard somedays to get 5 mins ME time lol

    I still wouldnt change a thing. I would do anything to go bad ignore every one that said i would hate it and get back the first year and a half of my sons life image

    DO what you want to do....... OOPS look at me going on lol :roll:

    gems xxx
  • Just wanted to add, I looked after a friend LO from 7.30am till 5.30pm by he time she got home she had dinner bath bed for about 6 months she kept calling me mummy which i never told her mum coz if my son had called someone elce mummy i would of died :cry: I kept telling the LO that its her mummy she went home with each day and she said i see more of you though ( it broke my heart ) I realised i never wanted my LO to be like that x
  • I'm a [email protected] and love it!! I was there for everything with lo; first time he rolled over, sat up, crawled, walked, spoke!! The thought of possibly having missed his first smile or way!!

    We looked at it from a purely financial point of view as well, and I would have been out of pocket each month as would have had to buy a second car (we moved towns when I was pregnant as couldn't afford to rent a bigger place but moved 20 mins down road and could afford to buy a bigger place! Lol.) so going back to work wasn't an option.
    we also figured that we wanted another child, so I would only have worked until next child was due (and lost out on a huge amount of money trying to pay off a second car whilst on maternity wage!) and then leave anyway as could never afford 2x childcare.

    Besides which this is a 24/7 job!! Have never regretted staying at home; my job was not worth missing out on the most precious moments of my child's life - once gone you can never get that back.

    Sorry, I'm rambling now!! xx
  • For me it was my option to go back to work but part time mon-thurs 4-8 i miss feeding him and bath time but i have 3 other days for it

    i hope i dont sound a horrible mum here BUT i couldnt spend all day with him 7 days a week 24 hours a day,i really felt like i 'lost' who i was when on maternity leave and got very jealous of my husband going out and chatting to real people and getting that break so for me it was more of a personal choice BUT i love my son very very much and i feel i appreciate him more when apart for those few hours,plus he gets to play at the childminders for a few hours,get him used to it for nursary in sept
  • i lost my job in October and have been a stay at home mum since then to our 5 year old.
    I have been activiely looking for work but as i only want part time its proving hard!!
    When i had lo i only had 6 months mat leave and had to go back 2 days a week. i hated leaving him but at the same time it was good for social skills. my hubby had him 1 day and sil had him another day so it worked.
    Its easy for me now though as he is at school all day so get quite a lot done!!
    As we are trying for no 2 there seems no point in my finding work only to leave in 9 months time!! Although we lost my wage we actually seem better off without it and hubby's business is picking up!!
    I personally love being the one to take him to school every day and pick him up. be around when he's poorly and not have to find childcare for the holidays! so it works for us.
    You have to do whatever you feel is best for you and your family and ignore what everyone else says.
    having a new born is more than a full time job as some one else said!!

  • I really don't think it's for anyone to make you feel bad about whatever decision you make! I get annoyed at "working mum" title as suggests that mum's who don't work aren't working! At least "at work" you can go to th eloo by yourself and can have a lunch hour!

    But then full time mum irritates me as suggest that you're not a proper mum if you go out to work!

    When I have a lo I will go to work part time and get the best of both worlds I hope! I wouldn't want to miss out on my baby gowing up by working everyday and i'm in a position where my job pays well enough for me to do this.

    But I couldn't give up work totally as I've worked very hard to get where I am and my salary is needed to pay our mortgage. I would also like my children to know you can have a good job and a family.

    My mum worked and always encouraged us girls to be financially independent and I don't think I could give that up!

    But it's a very personal choice and i'd tell people to but out! x x
  • Hi

    I have a 14 year old I had no choice but to go back to work when she was 3 months old she went to a childminder til 2 then to a private nursery ... she is very sociable and quite happily went to anybody!

    When my lo was born I wanted to stay at home with her... I love it its great (she is 21 months) on the down side (for me) she is very much a mummys girl and even hates daddy doing things like feeding her and dressing her at times. Which is a pain as I would like some free time at night when he comes home from work... I also get the attitude that I am not doing anything all day from oh and his mum (don't get me started!) and have given up trying to change their minds.

    Am ttc another one and will continue to [email protected] as long as our finances are ok

    You should do whatever makes you happy as believe me going to work stressed because you would rather be at home with babe is pointless as you won't give it 100 percent and people will be able to tell you don't want to really be there!
  • I would love to be a stay at home mum but I think I will at least have to go back part time purely for financial reasons - I'm hoping it will prove to be the best of both worlds!
  • havent read all the replies but love, i am staying at home. No way am i paying over ??50 a day (my whole days work) for some crap childcare... er no chance.

    Being a stay at home mum is the most rewarding job in the world, you're children will be so precious and you only get their childhod once!!

    I dont regret my decision to give up my horrible career!
  • Do what feels right for you. Personally a valance between the two would be my ideal. Those of you who stay at home are very lucky. I have to work full time as am breadwinner and have done since little one was 6 months. We have a huge mortgage and bills that totalso much that we couldn't manage on hubby's eage or even mine if part time.
    I do get sad at missing out but we make up for it by having fun filled weekends and he spends time with his grandparents as well as going to nursery. I think nursery is fab as they learn to interact with other children making the transition to school easier.As women we never have it easy and we certainly can't have it all.
    For me I also needed adult interaction and like others on here I wolud find it hard to be a full time stay a t home mom. I love the company at work, the difference I make and earning my own money. But it's up to each individual x
  • I think people are very quick to tell others what they *should* do.

    I'm currently looking for a full time job, after being made redundant, again. However, we are fullly planning on my being a SAMH. Financially it will be a pain, but having spent most of the past 6 months out of work I've realised that realistically, we can survive on OHs wage, and still put a little away into savings. It's not loads, but really I'd rather be at home with the kid/kids when they arrive.

    However, I totally understand people who need to, or would rather, work outside the home.
  • Hi Everyone

    Thank you so much for your replies, they have really cheered me up and have made me really think harder about what I want to do.

    I dont earn that much, so if I put my LO into childcare, I would be working for about ??2 per hour ! lol! Its not really worth it !!

    I will make the desicion when LO comes ( I need to get a BFP first lol) and see how I feel at the time ! But at least I know now that I shouldn't feel wrong for wanting to stay at home with LO xxxx
  • image dont feel bad for staying at home, i think the stigma is that we dont do anything while at home. Hmmmmm! Screw em, let em think it.

    You do whats right for you hun xxx
  • Sorry people are making you feel bad about becoming a stay at home mum.....i too will be not going back to work till our baby (once we get pregnant!) goes to school iv always wanted to be a stay at home mum. Everyone i know knows that and respects it and most if they could when they had children would have too.
    Dont listen to anyone else you do whats best for your family hun
  • G/C just wanted to say that if anyone thinks your lazy for wanting to be a SAHM then they obviously don't have kids and know how hard it is to look after kids full time.
    Personally I work full time, my lo who is 1 is in full time childcare - not by choice but I needed to go back to work as my dp's wages wouldn't cover our mortgage and bills etc. I am 3 months pg with my 2nd and I have decided that I will be coming back to work 16 hours after maternity leave. I will get tax credits to make up for the wage I will be missing out on from work and I will get to spend 4 days out of 7 with my babies, I would love to be a SAHM and I don't think it's anyone's right to say your being lazy about wanting to do so!
  • G/C from Baby. My daughter is now 7 months old and I took 6 months off work but now I am back full time and I wish I didn't have to be!! Haiden goes to nursery for 3 days and to my sister for 2 days but if I had a choice I would be with her myself. I don't want to miss all of those little things

    Hopefully next year I will be back at uni to do a degree in Midwifery, and although the hours are weird I'm hoping it will let me spend so much more time with her x
  • bless u hun xx

    i wanted to go back to work after i had my lo but when it came to having her in my arms, i just couldnt leave her.
    i gave up my job of 14yrs as a retail manager, i did miss the 9-5 job and all it entailed but being a sahm is the best thing ever.
    i have watched every one of anabels 1st's, im not Lazy, im up at 6am and have things going on alday and usually in bed by midnight, 5 days a week and i now work saturday and sunday as a retail supervisor.
    i have to look after anabel, teach her new things, washing and clean the house, washing, cooking, food shopping and everything, u dont sit down but having a happy content little girl makes everything better,
    i have the best of both, my lo during the week and then i get to be a normal adult and talk adult at the weekends x
    do what u want to do and dont feel u have to do something else because of pressure xxx:\):\)
  • Hey,

    I haven't discussed it with anyone bcuz no one knows we r trying but I work with future MIL and she insists that by the time (i hatehow she says that - like it must be ages away!!!) anyway - by the time we have kids - she wants me to b able to b a stay at home mom!

    I have friends that have LO's and work and they couldn't stand the idea of being at home with them 24/7. Then - I have the extreme - a 'kinda' relative who has 2 children, doesn't work and still choses to send them to nursery????

    I personally think I want to stay at home for at least 2 years then see how i feel then on.

    Not sure that helps at all but they're my thoughts anyway!

  • I'm a mum to a 21 month old and I went back part time, to me it's the best of both worlds (Well, it was when I had a better job! I love working but hate my current job).

    I started working again when lo was 11 months and I think that was just right - any earlier would have felt too soon. I did 4.30-8.30 5 days a week (or as one of my customers put it "Oh, you mean a housewife's job" - Grrrr) and though I missed putting lo to bed on weekdays, I still saw a lot of him.

    My current job (was redundant from last one image ) is crap but I do 3 days about 8 hours per day on a rota pattern.

    I wish I could be a SAHM but if I'm honest with myself it's only because I haven't got a better job ... :lol: I cant wait to get pg again, maternity leave wayhey! image ;\)

    I definitely would not describe any SAHMs I know as 'lazy' I think that's really rude.

    I'm lucky that lo's nan looks after him when I'm working, because we definitely couldn't afford childcare, I'm 21 and so don't even earn the proper minimum wage yet.

    For us though, me working part time means that my oh respects me more. I don't think this is intentional on his part as he always says he'd rather I stayed home and I believe him *but* when I was a SAHM he was always going on about how HE worked a full week so I should do x,y,z but since I've been working he definitely does more housework and him & lo have more of a bond as he has to look after him in the afternoon (he works nights) when I'm at work & his mums left for work too.

    Also my lo is a real mummy's boy and he was even worse when I was a SAHM but I still wish I could be one just to escape work ha ha xx

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