Really thought I was prepared for this

:cry::cry:

You know when you really convince yourself that you are fine with something all reasonable and balanced glass half full Blah blah

Like you are quite confident that you have failed an exam and say this to everyone and are really accepting about it. Then when you get the results and its like a slap in the face

We have known for a long time that we might not be able to conceive. Please believe me that these are SO much less than other peoples problems but its just right at the moment this is on top of me. Generally I am really balanced and just thankful I have my wonderful husband, family etc

Spent so much time saying how we would travel to Russia and Cambodia if we couldn't have kids and just try to be positive. I darn nearly convicned myself!!!!!

I have PCOS and several ops for tumour on ovary - back again but it is benign - see am lucky in some ways
Had a op in May then got infection followed by massive hemorrhage. Lost so much blood am severly anaemic and we cant TTC this has taken months off our campaign. Past surgery has left me with some potential tube damage. Have to have the tube dye procedure to check lump size and whether my tubes are blocked. But argh can't have those until I have healed up a bit. Feel like its one step forward five back

Anyway my point is - sorry took a while

Got hubbies tests and they are no good low count abnormal morphology and its not boderline............. feeling so sad. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of his expression if we are playing with godchildren etc. I see him smiling and its like a flash or a shadow of the father we both so desperately want him to be

That means IVF for us I am 39 this year. We SOOOOOO don't have any money, I can't even borrow it.

AND REALLY BIG RANT puffs out chest and goes slightly red our healthcare trust only accept you if you are between 35 and 36 - such a big window of opportunity. We are the right age etc etc and fit all criteria believe me I have checked and have no children.

How then to two drug addicts in scotland had THREE cycles of Ivf and got pregnant on the last giving birth to a baby addicted to heroin - weaned on to morphine. Post code lottery. :x

PMA is pants today

Thanks so much for reading this moaning ramble about the length of war and peace
JJ

Posts

  • Bloody computers!! Just left you a long reply and it died on me!!

    Anyway, the crutch of my message was that it seems bloody ridiculous about your healthcare trust. I would fight, fight, fight.

    Also, don't worry about money. There are ways of finding it. Borrowing it, friends and family, selling stuff on car boots, savings even the smallest of pennies, all of that will be owrthwhile in the end.

    I could hear the anguish in your post and I really feel for you. I am giving you lots of cuddles and giving you some of my PMA.

    Don't give up, JJ. It's crap but you will get there in the end. Whichever way that might be.

    xxxxxxxx
  • hi sorry i dont know what to say but didnt want to read and run. i have a bit of PMA to share if you would like abit to feel a bit better in your self? i cant offer any advice so i do hope someone else will be along soon to give you some words of wisdom.
    hugs for you and your husband xx
  • oh honey i'm sorry i have NO words of wisdom there just aren't any..

    But just wanted to let u know that we are all here for u so rant away ur such a good person always offering GREAT advice and by all account with everything u've been through u deserve that special little bean.

    Love & massive fruggly hugs.
    jen
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • lovely ladies
    SB, Lilac/Jen, I want another and Mrs Hopeful

    I am full of tears a fresh - flaps hankie like edwardian heroine. This time for the right reasons. You are just so thoughtful wise and kind. This wipes away all the murderous news articles. Most people are good through and through and most certainly the people who inhabit this little cyber world

    You have really picked me up - she grins.

    Also you are right the pen is mightier than the sword I will write just felt so grey about it all but I do a good letter if I say so myself. Methinks my MP will be getting a more balanced summary of above

    plan B buy a lottery ticket....he he

    You are all THE best
    JJ
  • Im so sorry your going through this, its good that your getting how you feel off your chest, much better than keeping it bottled up. The IVF policy is so unfair, I really hope things start looking up for you x x
  • Hi JJ, didn't want to r&r.

    How it is all worked out is so unfair. I agree with the others, fight it. There is no reason why a 39 year old who is capable of carrying a baby, shouldn't have the opportunity to do so. It's not like you are post menopause, and asking for something that is not possible.

    Please keep us updated, and I'm sending a (((big hug))). I hope something positive happens for you. xx
  • Mithical - Jem thank you. I will keep you updated, think it could be a long road. At least I know I will have tried.
  • JJ - didn't want to read and run.

    So sorry to hear that but like the others here say, don't give up. x
  • I'm soooo sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. I've been wondering where you'd got to as i'd noticed you hadn't been around for ages. We missed you!! You sound like you've really been though it. Once you get your strength up fight, fight, fight like the others say. There must be something you can do. It's often a matter of continuously pestering the right people. Good luck.
    dg
    xxx
  • Again my online pals - advice and soothing words are solid gold
    Mrs Amanda I have got the Times article on line so will be arming my guns. I should say congratulations to you and your hubbie
    Deputy G - your avatar even cheers me up. yes I wasn't really up to sitting at the computer for a while - DVD fest for me.
    Have checked my MP and she used to be a nurse hoorah
    Thanks flush I will go and have a nice cuppa in your honour
    JJ
  • PS have restored my avatar. Pippi longstocking seemed to have mysteriously run off she will be my fighting mascot too

    [Modified by: J-Jenko on June 26, 2008 04:50 PM]
  • If, and I do hope it doesnt come to this, your tubes are cleared but you dont get the IVF is it worth you considering the diy donor artificial insemination route that I'm taking? It may be worth it as a last resort. The website doesnt cost much to join and you dont have to be a member for long to find a donor and you only pay travelling expences to the donor which wouldn't be too much if you get someone in your area.There are couples on there where the man is infertile and thats why they are looking for a donor.
    I know its a bit drastic but may be worth considering as a last resort. Of course I do so hope that it doesn't come to this and wish you the very best of luck with fighting for the IVF.xx
  • JJ so so sorry to hear yr post, its so unfair that so many of these lovely ladies on here have such problems ttc, and so many people who just should not have children get pg at the drop of a hat, it really does break my heart, please dont give up honey, massive hugs xxxxxxxxxxx
  • Oh JJ, i've started crying reading this, (soppy cow i hear you say!!). So sorry to hear about all what you have been going through. Life really is a bitch at times. I really hope you get through this with a BFP one day and hope you conceive naturally and don't need to rely on IVF. Good luck hun and big cyber hugs for you.
  • Wow

    I just got home and treated myself to a large glass of cold wine and there is more loveliness here just had another happy aren't people lovely cry.
    No way in the world slow I would think you are soppy.. am captain emotion
    Hjanea - thats something we hadn't considered yet but is another angle...thank you for such a lovely email I am smiling away here
    Mrs Rich so sorry that you had the MMC's I didn't know - BAH to PCOS. Thank you so much for the prayers that has touched me more than I can say
    Twizzle - have rationlised everything now it was just a bleak moment with all sincerity I have the most lovely husband and so much to be thankful for
    Will be detailing any progress I make on Baby expert

    Off to finish wine and the dinner

    XXXXXXXX
  • JJ, you really are a super person. You were always giving lots of good advice and helping out those in need of reassurance and soothing words, and all the while you were going through all this terrible anguish and pain. Bless you hunny, your post made me so sad for you, and also so bloody mad for you too!!!

    Why should you be denied help? Even if you were only offered one cycle on the NHS, at least it would be something positive. Its not bloody much to ask is it! The unfairness of a system which dictates what level of help and care you will get depending on where you happen to live is absolutely vile, and beyond belief. We all live in the UK and so should all get the same level of care, accross the country!

    Fight it hun! Dont give up, be a huge and irritating thorn in their side!

    Im wishing you all the very very best of luck in the world. You soooo deserve this! xxxxx

    http://tt.lilypie.com/pg3Dp1/.png

  • baby bump thank you so much for your lovely words. One cycle is all we are after. I shall be a very polite but consistent presence and write reams of letters. Feel less helpless with a mission .... I will have made a point even if it gets me no where
    XX
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