:cry: :cry:

Girls, I'm absolutely gutted. My OH just came home and told me he is applying for another university course that will mean he will have to move about 40 mile away, he will only be with me at weekends. This obviously means a baby is out of the question now for at least 3 years, I'm sobbing my heart out, I told him if it's what he wants to do then it's ok but I'm really devastated :cry: :cry: :cry:

I know if I tell him how I feel he'll change his mind about applying and I don't want to feel that guilt but I'm so angry at him as well, when we decided to start trying this was discussed and he was sure he didn't want to continue the course after this year.

I just wanted to tell someone how awful I feel :cry:

Posts

  • Oh hun I really dont know what to say, but honesty really is the best policy in this situation, you need to tell him how you feel chick xx ((((((((hugs))))))))
  • Thanks hun, hug gratefully recieved, I just feel like I'm acting like a spoilt kid if I tell him, like I'm throwing a tantrum because I'm not getting my way. He does want a baby as well but obviously not as much as I thought x
  • I think you need to be honest with him hun. If you dont it could cause problems down the line. If you are both honest with each other and know the facts of what you both want you can work from that. x
  • Hi Huni,

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I have to say that I agree with wifey2479, I think you need to talk to your OH. It isn't a case of you being a spoilt kid, but you had both talked about it and decided to start trying as he didn't want to carry on studying. For him to just come home and say that he is carrying on and is moving 40 miles away is quite a big turnaround!! It isn't about you whinging or getting your own way, but I think you need a chat to tell him how you feel and also find out what's going on his mind, after all this decision is having a huge affect on your life - not just his.

    Good luck chick, sending you a big hug.x.
  • Hi huni, I have to agree with trixie, it sounds like he has just come home and decided this by himself, now I feel this is quite a major decision which should have been discussed with you, please correct me if I am wrong here. Sorry you are upset hun, hope you can talk things through honestly xx
  • Thanks for all the support girls, he's at work at the minute so at least I have time to gather myself before I do anything. Just in shock that he could change his mind so quick and without a thought about the effect it has, we also have a wedding in 2012 which I will now have to save and pay for myself as he won't be working full time. Think I need to have a good cry under my blankets and then talk to him xx
  • hey Huni- can he not commute? xxx
  • Hi michhopefulmummy2b (what a mouthful!) he could but it would cost alot more money, he could get student accomodation for ??80 a week but to travel would cost at least twice that x
  • Oh no! Def need to talk though cos you made the decision to ttc together so no, you're not throwing a tantrum about not getting your own way - you've just had a massive set of goal posts moved after you'd set your sights on them.
    Hope you can find a compromise xxx
  • thanks MrsRobson, and thank you everyone for all your really lovely support and help, don't know what I would do without this place to offload on!
  • Awww Huni, I am so sorry to hear this, sending you great big HUGS!!!! The ladies on this site are so lovely and I agree you are not throwing a tantrum- this is a big change and you need to tell him how you feel. I really hope you work it out and have a nice chat with your OH. Keep your chin up xXx
  • really sorry to hear that Huni as know how excited you were. it does seem a bit strange that the two of you sat down and talked this all through, including him starting another course, and he assured you it wasn't what he wanted - and then he does a full 180?? do you think he - as men do - got a little freaked out?? really think you should explain to him how you're feeling, a relationship is a partnership after all and this is a major decision that shouldn't be made by one person. Hope you're ok, chin up xx
  • He rang on his break so got talking a little, he knows I'm upset now but couldn't talk to long. His explanation so far is that he got worried about how things will be for us financially in the future so in his head it makes better sense to gain more qualifiations, I understand where he's coming from but that still doesn't guarantee a great job, am I wrong? Another point is that he didn't mention these worries before which is concerning to me as well, the ttc was his idea to start with, I was the one listing out the potential problems until he talked me round, now I'm an emotional mess because it's all changed!
    We are going to have a proper chat tomorrow (everything looks better in the morning right?)

    Thanks again for listening to me rambling girls, it has really helped xx
  • Am glad you have spoken to him huni, even if briefly and yes you are right things always look better in the morning.
    You have an awful lot to look forward to in your future hun, please try to remember that xxxx
  • Hi Huni
    Sorry to hear that. Studying and TTC is hard mainly if there might be a change of university, am currently doing MSc and applying for PhD but if I fall pg that is more important.
    It is strange that your OH changed his mind(at least indirectly), being a student gives the impression to be young and fairly carefree so perhaps he doesn't feel entirely ready to have a baby. But you have to tell him what you feel, you seem very upset and it might damage your relationship
    Could you not move somewhere in the between you current location and his uni? Or is that too expensive?
    Also for the wedding, my hubby and me were both students and had the most amazing day for just under ??3000 so you can safe that up.
    xx
  • Oh Huni - was reading your post on YAYW, but found this one instead !!!

    Hope you have managed to talk to him this morning about this as this is a massive life changing decision that needs to be resolved. You were sooo excited about becoming a mummy, so I hope it turns out the way you want it.

    If he had worries, he should have discussed them with you instead of making some random decision...at the end of the day just because he has a degree doesn't mean he will get work - there are so many people out there who are overqualified for the jobs available and so don't get taken on.

    I hope it all goes well - you know where I am if you need me xxx
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