think in going to stop ttc

im sat here bawling by bloody eyes out here but i think its gonna be for the best right now!!!!

my hubby just cant keep control of his finances and as much as i can monitor it with out taking complete control i cant be on him 24/7

i found out today that he hadn't paid something which i asked him if he had got credit to pay for it i asked him when i found some paper work and he lied and said it was paid,it was my engagement ring as the stone fell out so he gave it to me on our 1st anniversary,now it was a beautiful thing to do but because it was 100 quid to fix and we don't have credit cards etc i said we just don't have the money to splash out right away so we will save up,not just that but other months him getting over his overdraft and then the next month we suffer yet again a total vicious circle month after month

I've always been of the fact if we cant afford something we don't get it,i have a little woods account that i use about 3 times a year but have always paid that within a few months,i got it mainly as it helps with your credit score etc and that's it i don't even have an overdraft

this is really breaking my heart to say that,really cant stop crying but i don't want my son to miss out on anything because we selfishly want another child and i would rather give my all the best of thngs if i can

so i think this will be a goodbye for now until we get it all sorted really really wish you all the best of luck ladies I've had a great time in ttc everyone has been lovely and ive got a good few ladies who i talk to

IL still be on FB and will no doubt drop in to see everyone xx
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Posts

  • Hi grudie,

    We haven't ever actually spoken but I've seen your posts in the time since I joined. I'm really sorry that things just aren't working out for you right now, but I can understand why you have made the decision you have...especially for you little boy. You've made a really brave decision and a very selfless one as it's obviously incredibly hard to decide to stop when you want another baby. I wish you all the luck in sorting things out, and hopefully you will be back on here again in the future.x.
  • Oh honey ((((((hugs))))))

    OH and i had to slop ttc for a while (money probs) We sorted stuff out and here we are ttc again. I know what you mean about your son and wanting to give him everything you can.

    I am sure you will get things sorted out (((((((hugs)))))))) gems xx
  • I'm so sorry to read your post Grudie, you have been a wonderful support to so many people. I look out for you everytime I come on ttc, hoping I'll see a BFP announcement!

    You have to do what's right for you and if you are sure this is it, then a wee break won't do any harm. Personally I'd suggest speaking with your DH, let him know how his lack of finance control makes you feel and the effects it has on your life. If he really can't help it, why not get rid of his overdraft, etc. and take control of all the money matters yourself. I'd hate to think you miss out on having another LO for money, which if managed better, mightn't be an issue.

    Here's hoping you are quickly back on this site as you will be sorely missed, take care of yourself xx
  • Sorry to hear that your are having money problems. I think that you are making a really sensible decision and a really selfless one at that!

    I hope that things work out for you soon and that your back in TTC soon.

    Best of luck for you hun xxx
  • to the most suportive person on be i hope that we can offer help back in some way.

    I agree that you have made an incredibly brave decision - but it is just for now - i can hear from your posts how much you love your husband and therefore this is just a blip and hopefully not an end of ttc.

    My very best friend is in a similar position - they have a little boy and here oh who is the loveliest person in the world is simply atrocious with money. All his wages go into her account and he gets pocket money.

    He is totally happy with this as he is aware how crap he is with money. Think back a few years ago and my nan and grandfather were exactly the same.

    if this is truly the decision remeber that it is not forever.

    Hugs to you and i hpe the other ladies can offer more support x x
  • thanks ladies xx

    lawso not long now chick eh image

    i have spoken to him about it before and weve just about managed the overdraft,3 months without going over now i have told DH how hes really disappointed me this tie around that that we will now have to stop ttc nor another since he cant seem to control himself,il see him when i get in from work tonight and have a talk,hes loads better than he was befor its just when he was in the army they dont teach you about looking after your money and since your digs and food are paid for your pay is your own,his mum and dad have never taught him the value of money either

    i just cant see us all having a comfortable life if there was 4 of us if he cant look after money whilst there are 3 of us

    my son is spoilt,not terribly but gets stuff most months i buy him 30 quid trainers as its somthing i wont scrimp on etc and as i said i dont want him having to miss out and we ust manage nice as it is now
  • From day one of me being on BE you've offered me support all the way. I'm so so sorry to read what i just have but feel your being incredibly brave making this decision, as it's a very hard one to make. Who know's what the future brings and hoepfully he'll get better with money and you'll both feel ready to try again.

    I wish you both and your ds all the best image x
  • Ohh huni, im so sorry to hear that you have had to make this decission. ((((HUGS))))
    Try not to look at it as giving up but just putting it on hold.
    I think it shows what a wonderful caring, mother and partner you are to be able to do this, your oh is a very lucky man!!
    I really hope your back here where you belong very, very soon, you will certainly be missed!
    Good luck huni, lov Debs xxxxx
  • its not money worries as such we can pay it off between this month and next but its the whole lieing about it and not helping do anything about it and until he realises that his actions have consiquences on all of us i cant bring another child up,im not saying we wouldnt cope just probably not how i would like to

    i have money aside i just dont use because i like to know i have it there if i need it,its just me but it makes me feel better
  • Oh Hun so sorry. Maybe the break will also do you some good!!! Prehaps dont use any protection tho!!!
    I was also crap with money but had to get better as Daf was constantly on my back about it and eventually it sunk in.
    Keep your chin up Hunni!!!
    xxx
  • thanks ladies for all your kind words i really appreciate it xxxxxxxx

    may you all get fat and very very pregnant xxxxx
  • I hope you don't mind me commenting, haven't been on here for a while, but your post just jumped out on me.

    When I had my DD, me and my now hubby were in our final year of University, living away from home with our Student Loans. I was very lucky to have very supportive parents and in laws. I had the whole dilemma of will we be able to cope, haven't even got our own home etc, and my Dad turned round and said ??????? if everyone in the world waited until they had enough money / no debt to have children - the population would be practically non existent??????? and I feel he was right.

    I know that you will want the best for your son and for your next baby, but I suppose what I am trying to say is, you don't necessarily need to rule TTC out. Often in life things are sent to test us.

    You say ???????i just can't see us all having a comfortable life if there was 4 of us if he can't look after money whilst there are 3 of us???????. What was it like when you had your first son, I'm sure many of these things ran through your head, like will you have enough to allow your son to have a comfortable life and all the things he desires? I know I went through that and now 5 years on I am proud to say we both have good jobs, own our own home, car and have just paid for our wedding independently. It took us five years but we are there and trying for No 2. Of course money is a worry as we have just got use to not paying Nursery fees and the idea of having to do that again fills me with dread, but I know that somehow we will just manage.

    I really hope you don't mind me saying these things, I just wanted to add a different dimension to things. At the end of the day only you know. I hope that you reach a decision that you and your OH are happy with and I'm sure all the ladies on here will be here to support you whatever you decide. Sending you lots of best wishes xxx
  • i completely agree with what you have said hun and i have said it in the past about not worrying about money and having children lifes too short but for me right now i see that fact i already have a son,we have our own home,we both work,i only work part time to look after lennon and we paid for own wedding and if were having problems not controlling it now with 3 of us how would i stress if there was another mouth to feed

    i no kids are as expensive as you make them and my son isnt dripping in gold but does have nice clothes toys etc being my choice to give them to him because i no i can spare the money for it and still live comfortably

    im not stopping ttc for good just until i see things improve i just dont see why any of us should have to suffer,not that we would but how i would see it if we didnt have the money,i want my kids to have the things i didnt many a year my mum worried about food and had little to spend on my sister and i,i just cant do it it made me who i am today yes but would i like to give that option to my child no way not unless i had to,if i got preg thats a different situation we would have to get and sort everything out but i cant willingly ttc knowing how i feel right about the money

    i hope thats made some sense there sorry if it hasnt x
  • It makes total sense. It is also very admirable of you to make that conscious decision for your family. It is quite clear you are putting your needs of your family first - this just shows what a kind and caring person you are. I hope that things will get sorted, and you will be joining us back on here very soon. Take care xxx
  • thank you very much

    il be back i just need to feel settles in us first before,i no money isnt everthing and im not looking to be super rich just comfy,maybe if i worked full time it would be a totally different situation but im not after less time with Lennon either

    thank you for your word tho i do no what your saying,and good luck ttc no2 xxx
  • Hi Grudie, time is certainly flying by now!

    The army is fantastic at teaching so many disciplines, it's a shame money isn't one of them. I do hope you can work something out together, as it's obvious you have a wonderful relationship.

    As for your LO, I'm not saying you need to deprive him of anything but think about it, he might actually prefer to have a sibling rather than be spoilt quite so much. Just a thought.

    I know you'll be back, bigger and stronger too. I'd suggest the same as Rach1983, have a break from ttc, just don't use any protection image BE will not be the same without you, take care xx
  • Aw no, who am i gonna compare ttc notes with now??

    Sorry to hear your news, hope ur ok...definitely need to keep in touch ma wee jock friend image

    Take care xx
  • Sorry to hear you're going to be leaving us for a while. I always remember your posts from when I was I was a BE browser, especially Fridays Dirty Topic :lol: and as everyone else has said you have always been so supportive.

    I admire you for saying that you want to be able to give you LO the best that you can, you seem like a wonderful wife and mummy. I'm sure that you will be back with us (or maybe even in pregnancy) in the future but in the meantime do pop in to let us know how you are. I suspect there are going to be many ladies on here who will miss you very much x
  • Hi honey, I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said but wanted to send you a big hug. It won't be the same here without you.
    H.xxx
  • just want to thank you all for your words,il still be on BE just not on ttc/ltttc

    cant believe 18 months and now i have to stop gutted

    anyway take care everyone xxxx
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