[color=red]I feel so lost and upset - update from docs :cry:

Hi ladies

Sorry I havent been posting much lately ttc has just became too much for me all of a sudden I just feel so lost, angry and upset because each month same thing happens and I never even thought trying to conceive would bring me so much heartbreak and emotional turmoil.

I have just been catching up on Corrie and its the storyline where Becky cant conceive because she has a hostile womb or something, I couldnt watch it just turned it off and am sat here in a daydream.

Before all this happened and I was convinced I had a BFP, I bought hubby a babygro with 'I love my daddy' on do you think I have now jinxed getting pregnant by buying that and looking at stuff.

Why is it always what the heart wants the heart never gets, I know there has been so many mc on here lately and chem pregnancies and I am very sorry for your loss and I really hope that you manage to get a BFP soon.


[Modified by: Sparkling Diamond on 08 April 2010 15:17:35 ]

[Modified by: Sparkling Diamond on 08 April 2010 15:24:18 ]


  • awww hun sorry ur feeling down! not much i can really say! just hope ur feeling yourself again soon, and get a speedy BFP! (((cuddles))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • aww sorry to hear you feeling that way hon. Hope you feel better soon and get your BFP soon. Have you been to docs or anything?

    You haven't jinxed anything petal, you will get your BFP.

    Sending you lots and lots and lots of baby dust.

    V xxx
  • Awww sweetheart, I am sorry to hear you are feeling blue image

    The journey to baby is not always easy (or quick!) but it will be worth it in the end, I regularly tell myself that. And we WILL all get what our hearts desire the most.

    Don't worry about the babygrow and jinxing yourself, that is nonsense, When I got my BFP at xmas I bought some bibs and a teddy that we had fallen in love with (wrapped them up and gave them to hubs with the pos test). Sadly it wasn't meant to be as I mc'd but I never thought I had jinxed myself it was one of those sad things that happen all too often.

    Remember we are all here for you and in the same big, old boat image

    Lots of love and hugs, MrsH xxxx
  • hi stranger how long have you been ttc? and what contraception was you on before that? if you dont mind me asking. i know its frustrating when you want something soooooooo bad but dont give up trying. x
  • Hi everyone thanks

    Vicsy - I havent been back to the doctors since my last cycle as they done urine and bloods but exactly same thing happened again in March so I dont know what to do - docs are pretty useless these days and i dont think they will take it any further thats why am going to wait until my next af is due and if same I can then go back and say to them I have been off the pill since last June, trying since Nov and Dec, Jan, Feb and Mar cycles were all the same faint lines and then AF. I suppose i just really panic I wont be able to have a baby ;-(

    Kimlou - been off the pill since Jun, I was on it since i was 17 and am now 30 so 13 years and it was Marvelon pill. We started trying mid Nov but really only had 3-4 proper cycles of trying not sure as have very long cycles shortest being 35 days, longest 45 days.

    I will try to keep up the pma, am looking forward to our hol in 7 weeks xx
  • Hi SD

    Its awful when you feel low isn't it?

    I think you have a very good reason to ask for a referral to a consultant.

    Sending you lots and lots of PMA and hope you get your BFP soon.

    V xx
  • Probably not what you want to hear, but you need to remember that you haven't actually be trying for very long, although I understand that it feels like forever.
    We took 8 months to get our second bfp - and it felt like much longer because I had been broody for months before we started ttc, so by the time I got my bfp it was over a year since we had decided to try for baby no.2. It was hard, but I just had to keep hoping and assuming that it would happen eventually, as it eventually did. And as it will for you.
  • Thanks MrsC06 yes I totally understand but I havent had a very good clear start to TTC lol its been very confusing and upsetting. If it had of been ok I would be enjoying it and not thinking what if all the time or what could have been.

    It is hard and altho have only been off the pill 10 months, weve been trying for 4 months and have wanted a baby and been broody for about 3 years but because we got married it eased the broodiness but now am just mega broody all the time.

    Doesnt help that all the soaps have baby/pregnancy story lines at the moment and its just a case of wishful thinking.

    I only hope that one day I can say I am pregnant and that will be the 2nd happiest day of my life. I know we are all in the same boat too and of course thats why I can talk on here openly about it.

    I feel different from day to day but generally it is hard and i do blame myself for being such a lil stress head, hubby is kinda blaming himself for not allowing us to try straight after coming off the pill.

    But really no-one is to blame, we just have to wait it out and we are enjoying each other again and thats most important that we enjoy being married and happy and then when we go get pregnant there will be no unforeseen problems between us.

  • It's a strange old thing ttc, isn't it? I never thought in my wildest dreams it would be like this. I've never been on such an emotional rollercoaster of hope, despair, wondering if it'll ever happen, stress, will the doctor help me?, trying some pma, will my body ever work?, chilling with yoga, trying not to get depressed, wishing for a cycle of some descrption so I can even have a chance, tearful..... etc etc etc....... Absolute madness!
    Over 8 months now and only 1 AF. And it's wierd cos whatever stage we're at and whatever we've experinced whether it be 3 months or three years, it's horrible not knowing when or if it'll happen.
    Well, here we are and what can we do but wait?! At least we're not alone in feeling like this.
    And hope for enough baby dust for us all xxx
  • Hiya SD

    UR one of the longer TTCers like me! I know you have been on such a rollercoaster hun and we all get the 'it will never happen' feelings! Thats why I was away for a while, TTC was just doing my head in and I wanted to escape the BFP's that were popping up everywhere at the time! (You know I am really happy for you all really but the green eyed monster was about! image )

    It will happen and you have to keep up the PMA as hard as it is some days. If you are struggling, go to the drs with as much evidence as poss of previous cycles and what has been happening so that they have to listen and take you seriously, if not, ask to see another one.

    Good luck honey! Keep strong!

    H x
  • Hello
    TTC is so hard! We are about to go into month 5 and I can't really believe it. The ups and downs of TTC are crazy and I had no idea that I would feel the way I do from month to month and even day to day!

    I think someone else put it really well, we are all in the big old same boat and we can all relate to feeling down about TTC. We have to have faith that we will all get our BFP when the time is right image

    Mrs Robinson I totally get what you mean about the green eyed monster! you are not alone in that one!!!!

    Try and stay positive and good things are coming to all of us

  • it is amazing how it affects some people- i personally thought i would be quite chilled and give it a year before maybe thinking that something wasnt happening! What is frustating is that i was off the pill a whole year before trying and now we are onto month 8/9 already, how time flies. It does seem to have taken over my life though.....!

    Sparkling- i know you hear this all the time but your time will come you want this so much and derserve that sticky bean. Really hope you get your BFP really soon hunni...
  • image image

    Just wanted to say we are all here with you.

    Every cycle gets harder for me and I become more obssessed with it. I feel a knot in my stomach just thinking about it.

    Baby dust to us all and I hope we all get our BFP and a sticky bean with it. image
  • Come on Blanche lets have a group hug (()) xx (for those of you that havent got a clue what im talking about SD is one of the golden girls from our cycle buddies posts).
    OK i saw a post on here that says amber is supposed to be quite good for fertility. Have you got any amber jewelery?
    It is hard hun and i know exactly where you are coming from as we have been trying for the last 9/10 months xx IT WILL HAPPEN - just remember that! xx
  • Thanks girls

    Managed to get an appt with docs following a telephone conversation to my local surgery. Its not until the 22nd of April tho but at least its a start!!!

    Last night I had pains in my right hand side of my stomach and when I touched my belly it hurt and when I went to toilet my cm is a different colour like an orangey yellow when I wipe and looks like it could have bit of blood in but am not sure.

    I poas this morning and still getting v.v.v. faint lines the lines arent getting any darker, docs said if am pregnant and am having a mc at some point I will have a bleed.

    I have been on the phone in tears to my doc she said best to have a face to face chat and to not let it get to me.............well am sorry but if what I am experiencing is a chem preg/mc then of course am going to be upset.

    She said no point sending me for a scan as too early, i asked about the tests and she said that sometimes the hcg can take a while to show up in your urine.

    So I have 3 options

    1) wait for my next af 8th May
    2) wait and see if i get a bleed and it will be a mc
    3) Go and see docs and they will see what they can do for me.

    I told her am getting back ache, belly ache and a dull/achy sensation in my leg which is killing me just like a dead leg!! She just said it could be a very early pregnancy thats not showing up or the pill but they want to investigate my periods etc.

    At least am going to get sorted out so have gone for option 3 and have an appt 22nd April to discuss where to go from here.

  • want to wish you all the best SD

    Keep my fingers crossed for your late BFP

  • Hi SD,

    How many DPO are you hun? When is the last time you could have concieved if that isn't too much of a personal question!! :lol:

  • I really hope it all gets sorted...(((hugs)))
  • Hi CC

    I got a pos opk 8th march, we last bd on wed 10th march up until the weekend so I know it cant be a fresh pregnancy if you know what I mean.

    I didnt wanna bd as have been stuck in limbo for yet again another cycle just incase so we just havent done the deed.

    Erm I had light pink bleeding mon 22-24 march no cramping or pain that comes with af and then thur 25 had a slightly heavier bleed but it was dark red and didnt look like fresh blood.

    I waited a few days until my cm went back to normal and then began testing last wed, thur with fr I was convinced there was v.v.v. faint lines but nothing definate, then I used CB non digi, predictor, sd tests. We did see a faint line on predictor last sat morning but the lines havent got any stronger. Now have done SD this morning and yesterday looks like there could be a v.v.v. faint line but again not a definitive BFP anyway last night I had pain in my right side of stomach, went toilet and when i wiped it looks like I have bit of blood in cm and also its a bright yellow colour now sometimes its like that and sometimes its clear??

    Hope you followed all that cos am very confused.

    Thanks for all the nice comments, i just really wanna know whats going on, its so horrible being stuck like this and am so down because of it all.

    I just cant stop crying (hugs) xx
  • Sorry to hear your going through it like this SD. I think you should go to the doctors appointment no matter how things work out in order to get some investigations carried out. It can be a long process getting the tests and referrals done but at least it would give you something to aim towards in the meantime. I hope this doesn't sound stupid but aside from you poas' is it possible you could have some kind of water infection to account for the pains/cm and blood? I once had a severe kidney infection and it made my cm and bleeding crazy, so much so they thought I was having an ectopic or mc but I was on the pill. Perhaps, your walk in centre or doctors can do a quick urine test without an appointment to check. Just try to remember that right now, even if it's faint it's still a faint bfp. I hope you get sorted and if you're still not happy in the morning ring the doctors again- you have a right to be seen. Sending you a hug xxx
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