OH isnt ready for a baby :-(

hi. i really want a baby but when i spoke to my fella about it he said that he isnt ready he said he is scared. i forgot to take my pill a few times this month but did a test this morning and got a BFG.i think my period has come now, as i forgot a couple of pills. iv also decided to stop takin the pill and iv told my OH, he is ok about it but is going to use condoms in future...not what i wanted him to say. any ideas how to convince him its a great thing to be a parent? xx
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  • Good idea to come off the pill if you are thinking of ttc sometime soon. I woulkd say give your oh time to get used to the idea for a while. My dh has taken a while to come round to the idea of kids and although he wants them he isn't as keen as me. If I didn't want them i'm not sure if he would be that bothered! Don't get me wrong he is 100% committed to havibg a family but would be just as happy not having them i think.
    dg
    xxx
  • yeah i mean i think my fella wants kids but he is scared he wont be a good dad and we wont have enough money etc-i know he would be a good dad, he is just not very good with change.i am just going to hope he forgets to use a condom! im sure if i fell preg he would support me, he is not good at making decisions (im the decision maker in our relationship lol) but if it happened i really think he would be happy. i just want this so bady, all iv ever wanted and just feel like somethin in my head has told me that now is the right time, do you know what i mean?xxx
  • Having a kid will be a huge life changing experience and we'll have to make lots of changes to the way we do and think about a lot of things and I guess some people just need a while to get their heads around that. There are sacrifices to be made (and obviously lots of rewards!!) and it took my dh a while to realise those sacrifices would be well worth making. Having close friends who have got a lo who is our god son has made my dh less scared of kids and he really enjoys it when they come round. If your oh is happy about you coming off the pill then perhaps he is already slowly coming round to the idea and just needs a bit longer to make sure. At least you'll have time to get your cycles sorted out while he sorts himself out!!
    Then you can enjoy the babymaking together.
    dg
    xxx
  • hey hun, i know this may sound silly but do you have any young babies in your family of friends with a young baby? if you do then try get him to spend a bit of time with them and he will soon be wanting one of his own then, he may even come round to the idea of ttc, babies are too irresistable to say no to! ;\) lol x image
    Caz x x
  • Hi ashy. I agree with dg to let your OH get used to the idea. As women, we know when and if we want to be pg and have a child. Men are a little more remote from it all.

    I knew it was the right time for us to start trying. I took it as a sign when I went to take my pill, and had not realised I had run out! Duh! lol I had never done that before!! xx
  • thanks ladies, my fella and i dont know anyone with children unfortunatly, although he told me a while ago that his bosses daughter had just had a baby and held the baby and stuff, surely that a good sign? about me coming off the pill to, i didnt ask him if it was ok, i TOLD him that i was coming off and that basically contreception is up to him, if he doesnt use a condom he knows that i wont be on the pill (so maybe if he doesnt use a condom its his way of saying he is ready?) xx
  • Then when he doesn't use one he'll probably say it was all his idea!! Just give him some time and don't push him too much - just subtly discuss it from time to time, perhaps accidently hire some baby related dvd's etc. drip feed him with baby ideas and you never know. He may end up wanting a huge brood!!
    dg
    xxx
  • i hope your right deputygibbon! when i have mentioned it recently, he just ignores me, until i force him to talk but he isnt keen as most of the time i get upset coz i want a baby, he hates it when i get upset so maybe that why he isnt keen to talk?xx
  • Hi i agree with everyone else.

    It must be hard for you but if you get pregnant when he has already said not yet then he will feel betrayed.

    Hope you don't mind me askijg but how old is your partner. My Husband is now 28 and we've been togther for yrs and and we both only just feel ready now...i'm 31.

    I read some where that having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a relationship image thought that was quite cool way of putting!! it so if he's not ready yet, its unlikely by coming pregnant that it will change his mind. I'd leave it for a while because it might push him further away.

    When the times right for both of you it will be perfect xx
  • My dh is soooo relaxed about the whole ttc thing. He always says "it will happen when it happens" etc and doesn't get impatient or fed up with waiting like me. (We are on month 6 trying) He is very understanding though when i have wobbly days and sympathetic with my aches and pains on the run up to af arriving!! I never used to have them before ttc and i think he probably thinks I'm slowly driving myself nuts with all the new symptoms i get each month!!!! Once women decide they want a baby we ant it there and then but my dh even said last month that he was quite glad i hadn't got pg as it had given him time to get used to the idea. We've only been talking about it for about 2 years!!!! (had to move across the country and get new jobs before stating ttc which took ages). Men!!!!
    dg
    xxx
  • yes i understand where your coming from, i just feel like my fella is "the one" sorry that sounds cheesy and iv always wanted to have children quite young. my oh and i are both 21. i am very impatient, my oh on the other hand is very laid back about everything, iv told him im coming off the pill and he knows that using contriception is up to him and accepts that. i just hope he comes round to the idea, i know he is scared, but whenever it happens he will be scared, i would be scared its natural to be. xx
  • My dh and i take ages to get round to most things (especially him!!) We've been together for 11 years this year and married for 3. I even had to ask him if he was ever going to get round to asking me to marry him! lol! He claims he thought i was happy as we were - coward!! i am 32 and do feel like i need to get on with things but it doesn't matter how old or young you are - if you feel ready then the time is right. You just have to both be ready at the same time - not always easy!!! You do have plenty of time to get him round to your way of thinking but i understand that you want it to be now!!!!
    dg
    xxx
  • hi, i know how u feel, my husband told me to come off the pill to try for number 2 and have been off it for 4 weeks now and then yesterday he told me he doesn't want another baby! The thing is i was like you ashyashy and thought that if i was to just fall pregnant he would be happy about it but today we had the biggest row we have ever had and i'm pretty sure that even if i was pregnant now he wouldn't want it. My advice it don't pressure him, i'm sure that eventually he will realise that he wants nothing more than to be a daddy especially as this would be number1. Hopefully it won't take too long for him to realise it though. I know its so hard when you want to have a baby so much. I hope he changes his mind xxx
  • im so sorry to hear about your husband vikkiandemma, did he say why he has changed his mind? yes im going to try not to keep going on about it (although its hard) but i dont want to loose him, and i dont want to scare him off, he knows what i want and i will just have to hope he comes round to the idea.i think its different for women, they get maternal feelings and i dont think its the same for men. xx
  • Yes he just said we can't afford another baby but i know we can, i just don't think he wants anymore and i'm only 22 and thats very hard to except, i really don't want Emma to be an only child but as i said i can't force him. I know how hard it is, you are right us women get very maternal-i'm broody all the time even when i was in labour i wasn't put off! lol. I remember how much i wanted Emma so i know how you are feeling, and even though i know i'm lucky to have my daughter i still feel exactly the same about it this time round.
    I'm sure he will come round to the idea, my husband was the same before we tried for Emma and it was his mum and dad who convinced him we would be able to afford it in the end. Men!!
  • sounds like most men are the same in that sense. how old is emma? maybe he thinks its too soon to have another baby? i can only imagine how much its costs to care for a child, i mean we couldnt afford to buy a house or anything but im sure we would manage...? i hope your husband changes his mind. maybe we both need to give are fellas more time. just wish he wanted this as much as i do image
  • Emma is 20 months now and she has always been very good, slept through from 7 weeks old so it wasn't even as though we had a difficult first baby. I think your right we just have to give them time. Its nice to know i'm not the only one in this situation and have people to talk to about it as it does help.
    We don't have a morgage either and have debt problems-we had these before Emma. Maybe your OH seems to think he needs to have a lot of money to have children but you don't. I do think men worry about money when it comes to having children because they will be the main earner in a lot of situations and i suppose that is a lot of pressure. Maybe he needs to realise that having children does cost money but if everyone waited until they had a morgage and no debt etc then no one would have kids as a lot of people find it hard financially these days. i know that doesn't help you much but just want you to know your not alone
    xxx
  • thanks, im glad im not alone, i may gently hint that we dont need loads of money to have a family. we are going on holiday in 2 weeks so hopefully he will forget the condoms! its almost worse for you as ur hubby asked you to come off the pill and then changed him mind, at least my oh has said no since i first brought up the subject. how was yor pregnancy with emma? is child birth as bad a people say? xx
  • I was an emotional wreck when pregnant to start with as i was scared of losing her because i had a missed miscarriage a couple of years before, which could be another reason why he doesn't want me to fall again! I was very sick for 5 months, then when i was 30 weeks i got very itchy hands and feet which turned out to be cholastasis which is a liver condition and so i was induced 3 weeks early. My contractions were 30 seconds apart as soon as she put the gel on to induce me for 6 hours as my uterus over-reacted to the gel and then they gave me pethedine to slow it up and i had her 12 hours after being induced. Gas and air was brilliant!! I did have some ups and downs with my pregnancy and labour but it never for a second put me off having more. Sorry if that was a bit to much info but i do love talking about when i was prganant as now she is nearlly 2 not many people ask about it.

    Right i must go to bed now, i hope he changes his mind very soon, thinking of you
    xxx
  • Hey ashashy, sorry to hear that your dh is not in the same place as you are baby-wise but you are lucky as you have time on your side. At 21, your clock isn't ticking (loudly like mine at 36!!) so I would say to give him a little bit of time to come around to it. He'll probably at some time soon be keen to have a baby and act like it was all his idea!! x
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