Sudden Downer :cry:

I don't know what is up but all of a sudden i just feel really down. It is not so much TTC that is getting to me as i am trying to cut down on the TTC obsession but sometimes things just get too much.

I am so so so happy for people who get their BFP but then in the back of my mind something is saying "well why can't that be me", i have always felt that i will NEVER see that BFP because why should someone like me deserve that kind of happiness (i havent done anything wrong to think this) and it just gets to me.

Also i had that AWFUL abdom pain on Saturday night and since then it is like i can feel everything happening in that area, something absolutely STUPID in the back of my head said it could be my bean settling in :roll: ....as if it would be that after those pains that i had!!!! It just feels so raw and it is sore today too and i have had weird pains so this evening i did a cheapie HPT and of course it was negative, i knew it would be but i just had this thought that maybe, just maybe i would be one of those ladies that tests just for the fun of it and actually gets that BFP!!! YEAH RIGHT!!!!

I do want to go to the docs and tell them but i don't want to think that at 22 i have difficulty getting pregnant and have to be told to lose weight and be healthy and there is nothing wrong with me because i am so young - like that makes a difference, just like the weight thing!!!

I dont want to make those trips to hospital anymore alone because OH has to work and i havent told anyone else about us TTC cause i dont want the pitying looks or the "arent you pregnant yet" conversations!!! It was so lonely at that point and i dont want to sit and have a scan alone again while wondering what is happening to me.

:cry:

I am sorry for the rant ladies but i just want it to be my turn, i know i need to lose weight and get healthy but it isnt something that just happens overnight and i am so angry at myself for letting it get to this and at my body for failing me all the time.

Its not just me i am letting down neither, i see the way my OH looks at little babies and all our friends are getting pregnant "by accident" and popping kids out like there is no tomorrow so he just assumes it is that easy and then the poor fella gets stranded with someone like me who cant give him what he wants. I sometimes think he would be better with someone who didnt have all these problems but then i also know that he loves me and i love him.

I will end this now because i could go on all day. You dont have to reply to this, i just needed a rant because, like i said, i havent got anyone else and i dont want to put all this on my OH!!!

tink xx

Posts

  • Didn't want to read and run but one word
    HORMONES
    Gotta love 'em!
  • firstly ((((hugs)))) secondly I wish i could say something that would make you feel better. There is no rhyme or reason as to why certain people get pg before others, we can all give reasons why we aren't getting ours. We have to hold onto the fact that we are with our oh's because we love them and them us and hopefully it will lead to what we all want- a bfp. Please remember that this forum is here for you to rant, to de-stress etc most of us are ttc without our usual support structure of friends and family because in the backs of our minds we don't want everyone to know if it takes a while or if we struggle to conceive. Us girls here aren't here to judge, we are here to support and at the end of the day you have provided us not just with help and advice but some hysterical posts that cheer us all up- so if you need to rant, rant away and we will listen xxx
  • Thanks for that Kaiti, i was having a bit of a sad hour last night but feeling a bit better today. I suppose most of it is pent up because i have no one around me to speak to but i would actually prefer to talk to you ladies than a friend. My (what i thought was) best friend saw a HPT in my bathroom once and said you arent having a horrible brat are you??? And she was the one i was going to confide in.

    Thanks to every one for been here for me you are all lovely xxx
  • glad you're feeling better hun xxx
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