Bro and sil havivg trouble concieving

Hi,

As some of you here may know I have just fallen pregnant again and am absolutely delighted, my family are even pleased for me this time (I am 25 and have 3 children already and my relatives were less than pleased when I started at 18 and continued to have more kids-thats another story), anyway my brother and sil are currently on the waiting list for IVF and we don't usually see each other.

I met my brother last night and he gave me a real ear bashing about 'all the mistakes I have made' and how he won't visit my house coz he doesn't think my kids are happy. This is total nonsense- I am a good mum, I'm not perfect by any means but my kids are very well cared for, well mannered and well dressed, they want for nothing.

I spoke to my other bro about this today and he said it was because of the fertility problems he and his wife are having but I just feel it is a bit unfair- its not my fault I can have children and they can't- I don't mean that to sound harsh, I am sure it is difficult for them to handle but surely I didn't deserve that- he had me in tears in public.

I just wondered if any of you had any advice on how to handle this if it comes up again- I don't want to hurt my brothers feelings but I also don't think that he has any right to hurt mine.

Posts

  • Oh hun - that is awful - no one is perfect. So long as your kids are well cared for and safe - that is all that matters. You may not be bringing them up the same as he would - but that doesn't make it wrong. I am actually impressed you are so young and on the way to your 4th!! Very brave!!

    TBH - if i was feeling what your bro said - I would be round your house to check on the kids - not stay away. I think your other bro is right - he is just upset because of their probs - it doesn't make it right tho.

    Is he likely to have a sensible conversation with you? Maybe you can really find out what is going on in his mind? You could tell him you don't need the stress at the moment? I don't know tho as it is a hard one xx

    Kee your chin up hun - and I hope this is a great PG!!
  • Thanks immense- I don't know what is going on in his head at the min. He has depression and has had for a few years but doesn't take his meds properly- he will take three at a time and then none for ages, then one here and there which doesn't help but he won't talk about it.

    If anyone could help with that I could- I have suffered bad pnd in the past and know exactly what its like but he won't listen to anyone.

    He also won't talk to anyone about the fertility thing I think its to do with male pride (even tho its his wife) and also coz my other bro had to have ivf and my mum is a village gossip and told absolutely everyone. So he wants to talk about it but feels he can't coz it would spread around and its all bottling up inside.

    I feel for both of them- his wife is a lovely girl and hes going a bit mad out drinking alot and stuff and its not fair. It just sucks coz they would make lovely parents and there are ppl out there who have kids and don't care less about them.
  • hi.i have 5 children and expecting in november and like you i get nasty comments even though my kids are similar to yours in that they are well cared for etc. it really annoys me to be judged and even more so by my family. my sister had 2 kids, her and her husband both work and my parents who live next door to her cannot do enough. i have 5 and my partner being a police officer is never at home thaanks to shifts but i have a nicer home than her and with no help. my youngest is also special needs and so im a carer too. and i wouldnt have it any other way. my parents would never dream to visit or invite us to tea but families are selfish. dont let peolple put you down even family and you can have 10 kids and be great but others have 1 and just cannot cope. perhaps you could talk to your bro again or even your mum and suggest yes it is difficult but you would like to celebrate your children too without the guilt and that your bro and his wife share some goodtimes and enjoy your children. my children have no family and im sure your kids would love to spend time with uncle and auntie. if they cant accept that just live your own life and hold your head high.
  • That is hard - I can sympathise to a certain extent as my mum suffers from Schizophrenia - so I know what it is like being around someone on a bad day. Maybe he wasn't meaning what he said if he isn't taking meds properly. It's a shame he can't talk to you tho as you wouldn't have to tell your mum so it would be safe. I hope it sorts itself out soon xx The saying 'you can choose your friends but not your relatives' is sooo true! It does bug me when people are popping kids out and don't care, and there are so many people desperate for them who would be wonderful xx
  • Thanks again for your replies. He probably was just having a down day. Brevi I know what you mean one of my brothers has 4 kids and they were all celebrated but when I get pregnant its shock horror.

    I rarely ask them to do anything for me with regard to the kids. I work and oh is a house husband so were not scroungers.

    It awful that two married adults have to feel nervous and slightly wary of telling ppl they are pregnant for fear of how they will react.
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