Looking for someone to talk to...

I am sorry for my first post being so depressive, but in all honestly the reason i joined up to this site is because i have no one to talk to and no where to turn to and i am feeling the lowest i have ever felt.

Me and my partner have been trying for a baby for just over 2 years. At the time i came off the pill i didn't really get regular periods anyways, but i have had 1 period since stopping the pill. I have had numerous scans etc and everything has come back clear so far. I have been in and spoken to my doctor, and she advised me to make an appointment in 3 months for me and my partner to talk over things and see what they can do for us, but i am not holding out much hope.

I was pushed to the edge this week when it was announced that a girl i work with is pregnant. It was unplanned and it's now all she talks about. I feel so selfish because when she told me, i went to the toilet and cried my eyes out (i didn't let her see how much pain i felt, i put on a happy face and congratulated her and listened to her go on about everything i so desperately want to be going through). Later that night i was also so upset and cried my eyes out. I feel terrible, as i am genuinely happy for her, but can't see past my own jealousy! I'll never let anyone know how much i am desperate for a baby as me and my partner get married late next year and we really thought we would have a baby by now.

When i manage to forget about the baby stuff, now in work it's all i hear and it's all i am going to hear for the next 9 months, and i really don't know how i am going to cope!!!!

It was bad enough when people i knew were telling me they were pregnant, but this girl has really made me feel so upset as i have to face her every day.

I feel so alone. I have spoken to my partner, but he doesn't fully understand how i feel, and keeps saying "It will happen one day for us" but it's really not what i want to hear! He just goes with the flow and is so laid back, but me i am so up tight constantly and so obsessed with the idea of having my own family. I am so ready for this and wish it would happen for us.

I am so sorry for my first post being so depressive, but i honestly have no one to talk to! When we started trying, we agreed we wouldn't tell anyone as we wanted it to be a surprise, especially for the granparents who always ask when we plan on having babies.... it just hasn't worked out that way, and i really thought i would fall straight away!

Thanks for listening, and i hope someone will have the time to write back to me.

Cat x






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Posts

  • Oh honey I am so sorry you feel this way and that it has not happened for you yet. A girl i knew tried for 4 years and then feel preg so it will happen. It does not help but i wanted you to know that.

    You can always come on here and talk to us about it, it must be and will be so hard with having that at work but you are a dtrong person and yu can get through this and on the days like today that you feel like you can't you come and moan to us ok image

    K xxxxx
  • Thanks so much K-Lou, you have no idea how much that means to me.

    I love it when i hear people say they know women who fell pregnant after 2 / 3 / 4 years.

    One good thing i think of is, i have waited 2 years now, another 1 or 2 and i will have a baby who will be so loved by us it's unbelievable.

    Thanks for replying, means so much to me x x x x
  • (hugs)

    After 2 years I'm not surprised you feel so down image It must be horrid to have someone you have to see every day talking about things you want to experience. A friend of my husband is pregnant - it was unplanned too - and she has acted a bit like she is the first person to ever get pregnant. I have been trying to avoid her, but will have to see her over the next couple of months image

    Like k-lou says, feel free to come back and chat on here image
  • Awww hun im so sorry to hear how your feeling! Youve certainly come to the right place, the ladies here are fab and theres allways somebody going through the same thing. Dont beat yourself up about feeling this way about the lady at work i think we can all admit to feeling this way if we are honest. Even when somebody posts on here that they have their bfp we are all really happy for them but deep down just wishing it was us. Its perfectly normal to feel this way, just try not to let her see how unhappy you are. Why has it taken so long for your doc to sort something out for you? I really hope you and your oh can get the help you need and get your well deserved bfp. Keep your chin up hun we are all hear if you need to talk. xxx
  • Your welcome, if you really think about it we think oh god it;s been a whole year but we actually don;t get that many tried within the year or not as many as we would think! as some cyc's are longer.

    YOu just have to put your head up and really believe that your time will come. I know a few people who have falling preg after 2 ot 3 years. My best friend has been trying for two and a half years it's heart breaking to see her trying she is going to give it another 6 months then try IVF.

    For now though she is taking ytwo months off from TTC just to get her life back as it;s been all about making a baby it's all she thinks about She is going to drink what she wants eat what she wants and let her hair down for two monthsimage

    xxx
  • (hugs)

    After 2 years I'm not surprised you feel so down image It must be horrid to have someone you have to see every day talking about things you want to experience. A friend of my husband is pregnant - it was unplanned too - and she has acted a bit like she is the first person to ever get pregnant. I have been trying to avoid her, but will have to see her over the next couple of months image

    Like k-lou says, feel free to come back and chat on here image

    Hi Gypsy

    I used to feel exactly like you, and avoided people i knew who were expecting. When i did see them i always put on my happy face but inside i was being ripped apart!

    I just can't believe im now in this situation! I tell you someone up above is definately testing me :lol:

    Got to stay positive though and just focus on the hope that my time will come.

    I just can't believe it's taken so long, and when i think, oh my god, it's been 2 years since we started trying, i just can't believe i have coped this long!!!!

    Thanks for replying to me, i am starting to feel positive already!!!!

    You are all so lovely x x x
  • Awww hun im so sorry to hear how your feeling! Youve certainly come to the right place, the ladies here are fab and theres allways somebody going through the same thing. Dont beat yourself up about feeling this way about the lady at work i think we can all admit to feeling this way if we are honest. Even when somebody posts on here that they have their bfp we are all really happy for them but deep down just wishing it was us. Its perfectly normal to feel this way, just try not to let her see how unhappy you are. Why has it taken so long for your doc to sort something out for you? I really hope you and your oh can get the help you need and get your well deserved bfp. Keep your chin up hun we are all hear if you need to talk. xxx

    Hi Debbiemc

    Thanks to you also for replying to me (i honestly didn't think anyone would)

    I have been to the doc loads of times about this, but all i got was "wait another few months, maybe you are too stressed etc" i just feel i get no where with them. I stopped going for about 6/7 months and when i went back i got a new doc who was so understanding, and she has said she will help us... so fingers crossed.

    Thanks so much for your reply! x x x
  • Your welcome, if you really think about it we think oh god it;s been a whole year but we actually don;t get that many tried within the year or not as many as we would think! as some cyc's are longer.

    YOu just have to put your head up and really believe that your time will come. I know a few people who have falling preg after 2 ot 3 years. My best friend has been trying for two and a half years it's heart breaking to see her trying she is going to give it another 6 months then try IVF.

    For now though she is taking ytwo months off from TTC just to get her life back as it;s been all about making a baby it's all she thinks about She is going to drink what she wants eat what she wants and let her hair down for two monthsimage

    xxx

    I know how your best friend must be feeling, i kind of feel like a failure at times and think i am the problem. It certainly has taken up all my thoughts and feelings for the past 2 years. I have never even thought or considered IVF, i am only 26 so i think there is plenty time yet for me. Well, the way the years are flying by - i hope there is plenty time for me, hahaha

    x x x
  • Your OH is probably right though hun, my partner is sooooo laid back it drives me crazy! Keep your head up and keep happy, get those happy hormones flowing through your body. I know its difficult seeing someone at work preggers, im in the same boat as a girl at my work is 5 months preg and shes always talking about it (cant say i blame her!) i just join in and keep happy for her, although im jealous it makes me happy to know i'll be feeling the same at some point i hope.
    Stay positive hun, if you've waited 2 years already you should congratulate yourself on that. It takes way longer than people think. We're all here to support one another xx

    hugs to you

    xx
  • Hi Tiny.T, there's not much more I can say that the other girls haven't said already...... your time will come whether that takes another two months or two years. I have been trying for a year now and I do understand to an extent how you are feeling (it obviously hasn't been as long for me).

    You're getting married next year!! That is wonderful news!! If I was you, I would concentrate on having the most wonderful wedding day ever and you never know, by doing that you might just fall pregnant when you are least expecting it.

    Babydust

    xxxx
  • Thats very true I am 26 as well and there is loads of time. She is 30 and i think she just want to feel like she is doing something. Have you got your OV dates all ok? Do you know when you are OV?

    xx
  • Your OH is probably right though hun, my partner is sooooo laid back it drives me crazy! Keep your head up and keep happy, get those happy hormones flowing through your body. I know its difficult seeing someone at work preggers, im in the same boat as a girl at my work is 5 months preg and shes always talking about it (cant say i blame her!) i just join in and keep happy for her, although im jealous it makes me happy to know i'll be feeling the same at some point i hope.
    Stay positive hun, if you've waited 2 years already you should congratulate yourself on that. It takes way longer than people think. We're all here to support one another xx

    hugs to you

    xx

    Hi Kimdx

    My OH drives me mad also with his laid back attitude to everything, but he keeps me going, and i wouldn't be without him. He's so patient with me.

    I would never make her or anyone else feel uncomfortable about talking about their pregnancy as one day i know when i am pregnant i will be shouting it from the roof tops :lol: i am not that kind of person anyway to show people how i am really feeling (when it's something like this) not even my closest friends know we have been trying for so long.

    Thanks to you too for replying to me x x x
  • Try to take comfort from the fact that all your tests have shown nothing to be wrong. It sounds like just a case of bad luck so far. I would suggest you try taking agnus castus to get your cycles more regular and maybe discuss the idea of taking clomid with your doctor. Some people take a while to get their cycles back to normal after the pill, and it sounds like you might just need a helping hand.
    Good luck, I'm sure you'll get what you want in the end.
  • Hi Tiny.T, there's not much more I can say that the other girls haven't said already...... your time will come whether that takes another two months or two years. I have been trying for a year now and I do understand to an extent how you are feeling (it obviously hasn't been as long for me).

    You're getting married next year!! That is wonderful news!! If I was you, I would concentrate on having the most wonderful wedding day ever and you never know, by doing that you might just fall pregnant when you are least expecting it.

    Babydust

    xxxx

    Hi Mrs Hopefull, yes i am getting married next year - i am so excited, and have spent all my positive thoughts & energies on the planning. I am kind of obsessed because it took the pressure away from ttc, but now with the girl in my work announcing she is pregnant it was kind of like a kick in the stomach for me as it brought me back down to reality with a BIG bang and i was like "Oh my god, i have been trying for over 2 years to have a baby, and i am still not even there yet"

    There is this fear now that because i bought my wedding dress - what if i fall pregnant... but you know what, i would be soooo happy! It would just be my luck!!! (I have none, hahaha)

    I have the most amazing husband to be, and i am genuinely happy with my life, but there is just one little thing missing...... One day though.

    Thanks soooo much for your reply.

    Also, thanks so much to all that has replied to me, you have no idea how much i appreciate this. x x x
  • Hi,
    Im so sorry you feel so down hun. There is not much more that can be said that the others havent said. Keep your chin up girl and when you feel down, come on here and have a chat.
    If it helps, it took my mum 5 yrs to conceive my brother and 1 year to conceive me.
    Not all women get pregnant straight away. Try and relax about having a baby. The doctor told my mum and dad that they were trying to hard. As soon as they relaxed about it and said what ever happens, happens, my mum got pregnant more or less straight away.
    Dont beat yourself up hun, it will happen for you.
    xxx
  • Thats very true I am 26 as well and there is loads of time. She is 30 and i think she just want to feel like she is doing something. Have you got your OV dates all ok? Do you know when you are OV?

    xx

    I did try the OV sticks, but they were not working for me. I don't have a clue when i am OV because i have no periods.... My doc told me not to get into these kinds of things as it will make me so much more obsessed. So i just try and keep the positive approach and think what will be will be.... I was okay up until this week.

    I will definately call my doctor for a joint app for me and htb.

    x x x x x
  • Try to take comfort from the fact that all your tests have shown nothing to be wrong. It sounds like just a case of bad luck so far. I would suggest you try taking agnus castus to get your cycles more regular and maybe discuss the idea of taking clomid with your doctor. Some people take a while to get their cycles back to normal after the pill, and it sounds like you might just need a helping hand.
    Good luck, I'm sure you'll get what you want in the end.
    x

    Hi there, i have heard of Agnus Castus, but not Clomid.... what is this? I will google it and have a read up on it also.

    Thanks so much x x x
  • hi, i am so sorry you are feeling like this but i really can relate to you. it took me 3 years after pill before i had my lo and i honestly thought it was never going to happen. i also had irreg periods and went for tests to check fertility where i was told there was nothing wrong. it is heartbreaking when you hear of other people being pregnant, i used to get so upset just seeing someone with a bump or watching tv in fiction land when babies came in, i always had to hold back the tears when having to buy baby clothes for other peoples children. And someone at my work actually got pregnant too, it was horrible but at the same time you get used to it. it took me 8 weeks before i knew i was pregnant as i thought it was impossible and hadn't wanted to get the nasty answer for a p. kit.lol! my answer when people used to say 'oh it'll be you next, or when are you having children' was oh well we're waiting until we've saved a bit of money to provide for them, a bit lame but people tend not to ask you twice when you give an answer. oh like yours never got quite how upsetting it was, i think it's a man thing because even if you were pregnant i don't thik he'd feel the same excitement until he'd actually got to know lo, it's completely different for them which is v. frustrating, i think they just didn't play with dolls enough as youngsters pretending they were their own!
    My lo was totally unexpected as we had actually given up and decided we were just going to live the life of a couple(i was all for adopting but oh not keen) with no commitments and luxury holidays, we then bought a house and nesting instinct must have kicked in. Also, and i don't want to get hopes up with all the info people give about what to do and what not,, but i used to drink a lot of coffee and i'd switched to decaff for my own health, anyway i read sometime later that 1 cup of coffee can reduce fertility by stupid % (can't remember figure but know i was shocked, sorry!)
    Well i've rambled long enough, but i just wanted to let you know we're hear for you and understand, really good luck and i hope your wish comes true soon. like the others say i really think if you just realx and get on with life you may just find that you'll have you're own little surprise too. congratulations on wedding, enjoy it and take care x
  • Is there any particular Agnus Castus i should be taking? Definately going to try this....
  • Hey, there is always someone here to talk to - it's a wonderfully supportive board image

    Keep your chin up, focus on your wedding - it will be fabulous! - and see what the doc has to say.

    As for Agnus Castus, I think the drops taste horrid (from what I've read) and the capsules are often on offer at Holland and Barret, so that's a good place to start you can check online too.
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