how long is too long?

Hi everyone
I just want to rant!! This'll be a long one so apologies in advance. Some of you may know, I have just had a missed miscarriage. I went for 12 week scan on tues ( would have been 13 weeks) and it came as a huge shock that I had miscarried at 9 weeks and didn't know. So decided to go for medical management (was given tablets to start miscarriage properly) on Friday. It hasn't been nice but I have coped and physically I feel much better now even though I'm still bleeding and passing clots.

I went to the docs this morning and have been signed off. She asked me how long I wanted and I said just til 14 July as I am a teacher and want to go back in for the last week of term otherwise I'll have to wait til September before I see some people. Doc said fine and that if I needed more time, she'd sign me off for longer.

Anyway, my friend from school phoned me earlier to tell me that when my Head of Dept found out I was off for another 2 weeks, she was like "What? another 2 weeks. Oh my God!". She said this in the staff room in front of loads of other members of staff. Thing is, I have NEVER been off work before. I have been there over 5 years and am never off sick. Where the f*** does she get off???

This has been the biggest and most traumatic time of my life. Emotionally, I am all over the place and just need support. Am I unreasonable in having this time to rest and get better? Has anyone else had this? I am so angry right now.


  • And you have every right to be angry. I can't help wishing your friend has kept that outrageous statement from your boss to herself.

    Don't think about it. The head of dep was speaking out of turn and has no right in the world to say such a thing. You have suffered a serious loss and you need time to heal, both physically and emotionally. A time limit can't be put on things like that.

    Last week, my uncle died. I find that it keeps hitting me at odd times throughout the day. What you've suffered is not something that can just be 'got over'; loss is difficult to deal with. There's no way you should have to handle insensitivity on top of that.

    My thoughts are with you. x
  • That is really out of order and you have every right to be angry and pissed off. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you and to have insensitive witches like that around must make it a million times worse.

    P.S. Nice nameimage
  • Thanks flush30. I don't blame my friend at all for telling me. She has been so supportive and was so shocked at the insensitivity of this woman. This woman is in her 40s, no kids, no husband, no life basically and is obsessed with work. I just wish she could understand what I am going through and have a little compassion. I can't believe that she hasn't been in touch with me at all. Why are some people so horrid?!!!
    sorry to hear about your uncle. it's hard isn't it. we can't switch our emotions on and off.
  • you too lulabellarama! you gonna call your kid that? I am!!!! not if it's a boy, like!
  • No, my oh would never go for it!
  • mine either but who cares. i love lula-belle for a lil baby girl - so cute! it's that or a welsh name that he can't pronounce. i'll get my way!!
  • Lula-belle - great choice for a name. I bet you'll talk your OH round.

    My mum told me a hilarious story about one baby she delivered (she's a midwife). The mother was desperate to call the little girl Talulleh but whilst she was recovering from the birth, her husband went and registered it and called her MANCHESTER! He was a huge Man U fan.

    They compromised on her being referred to as Hester....
  • I can't believe that. Hester as a compromise??? oh dear God!
    thanks SB - i don't even think less than 3 weeks is unreasonable considering what's happened. i mean it's been a week since i found out but i'm still bleeding so physically i'm not ready. emotionally - you can imagine!!
  • I know. I'd rather people knew though as otherwise they would just ask why i was off. people are so nosy in school! i just want it out of the way, if you like. otherwise come september i won't want to go back!
  • Three weeks is nothing, Lula-belle. No-one who is either sane or remotely human would begrudge anyone that much.

  • So sorry to hear you're going through this. You should take as much time as you need off until you feel physically and emotionally ready for work and sod that stupid woman and anyone else who has a problem with it, they're just incensitive and ignorant. Good luck X x
  • MANCHESTER? I'd divorce him.

    So sorry to hear how insensitive your HoD is being. You must concentrate on grieving and moving on, and sod her. She's not important at a time like this - in fact her behaviour has shown she's quite the opposite of important.
  • thanks pink t'brush- any of you want to come to work with me when i go back??? think you lot could kick some a***!!
  • Yeah, we'll gang up on her and give her something to complain about....
  • Hi Lula-belle. I had 3 and a half weeks off with my mc. I'm sure some people at my work think this was too long but I don't care. I really needed that time so it's tough. No one knows how I am coping but me so they can't say what is too long/short. If you need the time then sod them.

    I went back to work yesterday. My gp would have signed me off again but I thought I couldn't put it off forever and going back was only going to get harder the longer I was away so I forced myself to do it. Wasn't as bad as I was expecting.

  • I am really sorry to hear that. I don't think you should worry about work at all, you are going through a really difficult time. That was really insensitive for her to say that. I think some people forget that you need to put things into perspective and other things are a lot more important than work.
    I did have an experience in a previous job where my neice was really really ill and we didn't know if she was going to make it, thankfully she did but my boss wouldn't give me the day off to visit her in hospital and I didn't even have any committments or deadlines that day!! What a c*w!!
    You take care x
  • i'm really sorry to hear this. you really need to concentrate on geting yourself physically better (i had bleeding/spotting for 2 weeks after my D&C) and emotionally strong enough to face the world again. it annoys me that someone could be so insensitive. how do they know what you are feeling?!
    besides, the doc says you can have that time off so it isn't as though you are pushing for too much time off without reason.

    ignore what has been said and you concentrate on yourself. we are all here for you hun, big hugs xxxxxxx
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