hit an all time low!!!

sazzy · Feb 11, 2007 1:50PM

Hi to all,

I just to get it all off my chest really - so here goes.

Have been trying ttc for about 3 months now after having m/c back in Aug.
Every month when my period arrives the tears become more & more each month and my yearning grows abit more too.
My hubby thinks I'm obsessed with becoming pregnant, don't get me wrong - I think he's right!! He has tried to help. We even tried the ov sticks last month but although they worked I still am not pregnant as period has arrived early (Yesterday). I am devastated!! The worst thing is, I think deep down I blame him. On the day the ov sticks were saying I was fetile, hubby and I had a bit of a fall out. We had gone to bed & I thought he was more interested in the TV rather than not missing our window of opportunity. He ended up storming off downstairs - I went to talk to him calmly & later he came to bed and we did ml, but it was after the 12 hour window of opp. (according to the leaflet 12-24 hrs),so I don't know if that is the problem this month.
On the other hand - I'm wondering if hubby being so stressed with his (partnership) business not doing so well is affecting him & his little soldiers???

At the mo, since yesterday hubby & I are not speaking. I can't even look at him. My period arrived & I've just clamed up. I hide & cry to myself. He has asked me yesterday what is wrong - & why can't I even look at him.
I don't know what to say? I'm scared if he looks into my eyes he'll see that I blame him. Hasn't he already got enough to deal with?? Shouldn't I just be a good wife & mother and just get on with it?
My head & heart hurts so much - He's my soul mate. I know I can talk to him, but I don't want to hurt him. What do I do???
Sazzy xx

CatyC · Feb 5, 2007 1:35PM

Hi,
I've not been on this before but just wanted to say that the same thing has happened to me (sort of) in that I had m/c in early Jan and just about getting over that. I am a bit fed up of people telling me I will get pregnant again soon but the best advice I can think of is to relax (easier said than done!!) and concentrate on your man and your child/children (sorry - you said Mother in your post so I assume you are a mum) and the rest will follow. We tried for months to have our first baby and thankfully she is happy, healthy and beautiful so although I am mourning the baby I lost, I have to think of the baby I have got and my husband. I would talk to your hubby about how you feel, but at least ml when you are not seeing the 'window of opportunity' then he knows you want him for him and not as a baby making machine (which is what mine feels like) Hope this helps and try not to think about it as it really will happen!!
Catros

sazzy · Feb 5, 2007 1:46PM

Thank-you so much for your kind words. we do ml alot, we always have.... - we've been together for 10 years & recently got married in Dec, so we're still sort of in the honeymoon period too.....
My other 3 children are just brill & I treasure each day with them....
I do need to talk to hubby about this though....

Critters-Mum-Claire21 · Feb 5, 2007 1:48PM

Hi Sazzy, hope this will help as you are definatley not on your own. we had been trying for two years and nothing. Before that I had had depo injections that stop you ovulating so doctors thought this was the reason, but wouldn't give me clomid cos I was too fat (bastards) There was no excitement as it was literally done on a rota - and the we would fall out around my best time - as there was so much pressure, I would want to go for him, I would be so annoyed - like he was to blame. Then when I mc I felt so alone. we are really close, but I just didn't handle things very well. I remember saying to him that Friday night was THE night, and not to get too hammered. HA! He couldn't even say perform nevermind do it, and I swear I was so pissed off with him. I'm not actually a bunny boiler I just sound it. But it really did help to actually talk to him like catros said. I felt stupid like all the things I wanted to say were real cliches but it did help. And by the way try and have lots of sex before you ovulate - Sperm lives longer than eggs, and look for the mucus plug. Sounds gross, doctors don't tell you that but a good friend on mine who had been trying forever said once you get that every month, that is your best time. Sorry if your eating your tea. Good luck Love Claire xxxxx

Team_Blue_aka_doublebubble · Feb 5, 2007 1:53PM

Hey sorry to hear how you feel, ttc is such an emotional rollercoaster its natural for you to want to blame someone, and everyone saying it will happen in due course just makes things harder. regards the ovulation window, i think that sometimes it is best not to tell hubby as it puts pressure on them and they cant always cope with that, plus dont like the feeling that thats the only reason you want them. I found that by buying some nice underwear and dressing up (sorry if tmi) that he wanted to ml and it just so happened to be in my ov window, (he knew we were trying for a babe but I never told him when ov window was and always added other times so he wldnt suss.) It was less stressful and thankfully worked for us. dont exclude him from how you feel tho as being shut out is really difficult, just be honest that you find it hard when af arrives. hope this might help xx

sazzy · Feb 5, 2007 1:56PM

Hi claire21.
Thanks...the only problem I have is I don't when I ov because my periods are so irregular!!!
I'm just starting to learn about this mucus plug, so any advice would be greatly received and don't worry about TMI - how else can you explain these things!!!
Sazzy xx

Critters-Mum-Claire21 · Feb 5, 2007 2:07PM

It just sounds so graphic, to people I don't even know it's a bit scary. Have you tried ov sticks. I tried all kinds and it worked for me. If I were you I would just go for it as soon as your period stops, for at least 10 days. The doctor said to me to do it every other day. Trouble with me is, I would think I wasn't going to tell him, so that it would look more natural but my mouth just ran away with its self. Or I'd be in a mood as we hadn't done it, and he say - why did't you bloody tell me then. Once the mucus plug has come away that is the best time to do it, as i think it means you are ovulating. Good luck xxx

tracey4 · Feb 5, 2007 2:11PM

Hi sazzy
So sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. I also became obsessed after my miscarriage in October and it does take all the fun out of baby making. Just wondering, have you tried the Boots digital thermometer and fertility diary. The thermometer is very very sensitve and picks up the changes in your body temp just before you ovulate. It worked for me. Just a thought. Good luck
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MummytoKKandNaiNai · Feb 5, 2007 2:14PM

i know this probably sounds a bit stupid but i have about 3 periods a year but how do you know the mucus plug is out. im pg already but im interested

Critters-Mum-Claire21 · Feb 5, 2007 2:25PM

Well it normally happens around ovulation, its sounds a bit gross but it's clear and like a thick discharge well mucus actually. It's just a glopey clear discharge. I was trying for nearly two years before I was told about that, then I found it, i was like bingo!

MummytoKKandNaiNai · Feb 5, 2007 2:31PM

ah ok thanks so much claire21, its like i didnt even know my own body***

GAYLE1979 · Feb 5, 2007 5:58PM

Hi ladies.claire21,you're absolutely right about the mucus plug.its like a wet slippery discharge,and this is when you ovulate.alot of women use this way of "reading" their body as a form of contraception.

MummytoKKandNaiNai · Feb 5, 2007 6:06PM

its mad the things you learn, especially when you're not looking for it***

Critters-Mum-Claire21 · Feb 6, 2007 9:08AM

Hi Sazzy, how are you feeling? Have you managed to speak to him yet? Hope your feeling a bit better, Love Claire xx

sazzy · Feb 6, 2007 5:15PM

Hi girls...soz for silence...been having a bit more time out with hubby. We are cool!!!
We sat down last night and had a really good heart-to-heart. He's my soulmate - my everything!!!
Last night he offered to go out & buy "Fertell" to test both of us (bless). I said, having given it alot of thought, this month, let's not try anything. No ov sticks, no counting days - Nothing!!!
Lets just go with the flow.....have fun.....stop trying so hard....enjoy ourselves.....relax....so that's what we are going to do!!
I had been trying to protect hubby from hurting his feelings so much that all I ended up doing was hurting myself even more so. Hubby was so loving & understanding. It's good to talk....
Keep you all posted...Thanks ...Sarah xx

GAYLE1979 · Feb 6, 2007 5:30PM

Hi sazzy thats so great to hear.Take care of each other.Gayle x x

Critters-Mum-Claire21 · Feb 8, 2007 7:54AM

Jesus, your lucky - your hubby sounds great. Mine can be a right shit sometimes, maybe thats because instead of explaing i enjoy screaming!!! think it's very sensible not to 'try' hard this month, good luck and let us know xxxx

sazzy · Feb 8, 2007 7:21PM

Hi calire21 & everyone too.

Hope you're all o.k.? Feeling really funky now.
Hubby has even been popping home during the day to see if I'm o.k. It's weird working at home and not being in hubby's garage office, but it's alot warmer at home!!! The only downside is being apart for so long....never mind, as soon as it warms up, I'll move back into the work office. Not missing using ov sticks this month, even if I did get a hit using them last month.
Love to all...Sarah xx

lesleyl · Feb 10, 2007 5:58PM

hi new to all this just read about hitting an all time low. me and hubby
have been ttc now for 9 months and not even so much as a false alarm the phase of tears etc does pass eventually but it is still devastating every month. been to see dr but they told me it was to early to do anyhting at least he diodnt tell me to loose weight which i thought he would he told me the oposite he said it didnt matter that i was overweight there's a first good luck to everyone

heather23 · Feb 11, 2007 1:50PM

Lesleyl i'm glad to hear about the weight thing, i was worrying about that myself. I've only been ttc for 2 months. Heather x

hit an all time low!!!

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