Anyone else changed their mind? or feel wary?

Not sure if this should be in Planning, but it's very quiet there!

We've been planning another baby for ages (my ds is 2) and were about to start trying.

But the more I think about it the more scared I feel. Some days I can't cope with my DS and we're struggling financially. I think how beneficial a bro or sis would be for my DS as he's very much an only child type but then I think how much my DS would be missing out on too - I'm very much a frugal person, and with 2 kids I could not afford football club or swimming lessons like I planned for my DS in the next few yrs.

Also I feel I'm spiralling out of control with my house, I'm struggling a lot with anxiety and my house is really clean but when it gets a bit messy I feel pure panic, I'm an obsessive list writer and constantly worry that one day I will not get something done. I know its pathetic!! Ive also started a new job, which I love.

Me and my OH talk about names etc all the time ...and love the thought of another in a way...but the more I think about it, I'm feeling way too selfish right now. I want my clean house and easy, one-child lifestyle...

BUT my OH will not try in a few years as he doesnt want a gap bigger than 3-4 years!!! I'm 22 so not like I haven't got the time left, but even so....I doubt he'll change his mind!!!

It's so hard as my hearts saying go for it and I'm so excited but my head is saying that its a terrible idea!!!! xx

Posts

  • Hiya hun, I dont have a child yet as ttc my first but I also went through the should we, shouldn't we scenario but now were all for the should! Its a personal choice mind, with regards to your finances though you dont have to go into too much detail but I was RUBBISH with money last year, quite abit of debt too but I have been able to manage it, I joined the forums on moneysavingexpert and it has helped loads, also have you seen the doc about your anxiety? might be worth trying to get that under control first as to avoid raising it any further as we all know babies are not the tidiest of people image xxxxx
  • Hi hun,
    I agree with BK in that perhaps you should perhaps see the doctor about your anxiety. I'm very particular about my house too but perhaps if its affecting such a big decision its time to do something about it?

    Also, maybe give yourself a few months to either save some money or sort out your finances, or set out a plan just so that you feel abit more confident.

    Xx
  • Hi, not entirely sure what to say that is helpful as I'm sure telling you nit to worry is v.annoying! I too am an awful worrier and suffer with anxiety constantly. I get to the point where I am so anxious that I am sick. Def go to the DR, mine is excellent. The other thing is to talk to your OH, make him really clear about how you feel. Maybe write it down if that is easier. TTC makes me very anxious, first I worried about trying and it happening,
    now I worry about it not happening! I doubt you will ever not worry, but you do need your OH to know that and support you. Feel free to bend my ear if you need a chat..
  • Thanks everyone. It's not so much as my house is sparklingly tidy as it's not perfect, and as for the garden it's a joke lol. But I do get very panicky if I can't keep on top of my chores, AND have some me-time as well, and I think with 2 kids I would definitely not get ANY me-time it would all go on chores...which is really selfish of me I know as I want it both ways! I'm not in debt apart from my student loan, and actually have a fair bit of money in the bank, but I dont like spending money and me and my OH argue about this quite a lot, I think another child would worsen the situation. We have a 3 bed house but the clutter panics me too (somehow we never seem to have any storage space??!), I hate seeing toys all over the place and want a lovely minimalist 'Adult' type house which never happens haha but I can dream.... Of course my DS has lots of toys and room to play but I panic about them and even dread Xmas and birthdays sometimes because I think my house is going to turn into Toys R Us and that the clutter will get out of control. Thats how ridiculous I've got....I've been like this ever since we bought this house. I just think another child will add so much clutter to our life. How idiotic am I that I cant seem to see past that!!! Arrrghhhh. I was 19 when I had my DS and he was completely unplanned we had no money or anything but we coped so NO idea why it's such a 'big thing' now!!! I know if we DONT have another I will regret it badly but I'm worrying a lot how I'll manage with 2 kids what with the expenses, time, and space involved! x
  • I'm not sure if this may help but your not worried about what other people think of your house are you? I know anytime someone comes round mine i have to have the house spotless and even then i'm apologising for the mess. I hate not being on top of everything, OH calls me Monica lol! And a lot of it is that i compare it to other people's house- if other people have a dirty house i do judge them when i go which i know is totally unfair but i just do!

    I'm actually already pg i just linger around here sometimes, and i'm very nervous about those forst few weeks when the house is likely to be chaotic. I'm hoping i'm just that tired i can sleep throught the thoughts of it lol!

    But if you have two then the likelihood is eventually they'll occupy themselves in their room or in the garden (mine of which is also only half done) and you'll probably have less stress than if there was just one always wanting mommys affections. I'm just basing that on the way me and my sister were!

    I'd take a month or two to perhaps see your doctor or just make a plan of how you'd cope just to make you feel a little more confident.

    xx
  • Hi,

    I have a ds who is 18 months and we are thinking of ttc no2 starting when af arrives in a couple of weeks. But its days like today I wonder how I will cope. I find it hard thinking of things to do with him at the weekend. And by the end of the day Im knackered. He has so much energy and just likes to push you, like tonight he continually climbed onto his toy box and stood there crying to get down!! I actually thinkl that in the long run it will be easier as having 2 quite close together they will be more into the same things and can play more together.Sorry prob not helped much but wanted to say your not alone!! Such a tough decision!

    Em x
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