How would you feel......


[Modified by: nooniem on 16 May 2008 12:27:15 ]



  • Awww hun, i think we would all feel this way as we all want exactly what she aborted!! Dont be so hard on yourself though you have been through 2 mc recently and then to have to support your step daughter through the process of actually choosing to get rid of a baby that would be tough for anyone to deal with emotionally. She obviously isnt mature enough to be a mum so i think it was the right thing for her to do. Be there for her but dont feel that you have to be all mushy and shower her with sympathy, maybe this is what she is craving? Take care of yourself, im sure you will get your bfp soon. xxx
  • So sorry to hear about your mc's image (hugs)

    How old is your eldest stepd? I don't think you need to lighten up? I bet it is very difficult to look after someone else going through a termination when you are desperate to have a baby yourself image

    I think sitting down with her and discussing contraception might be the way forward!
  • Oooooooh hun. I didnt want to r&r. This is awful. I am not against terminations but for the right reason. It sounds as though she was trying to prove a point, that she could get pregnant.
    How old is she? This is something that a young teenager would do!
    It must have been awful for you to be sat in an abortion clinic knowing that people were destroying something that you want so badly.
  • Hi Nooniem

    No stop being so hard on yourself. Im sorry to ask but is her mum around and maybe look into contraception for her if she's being that careless.

    Im in the same situation in that my oh already has a daughter and are trying for our first together. She has been on the pill last year but we are terrified that she does become pregnant.

    Can i ask how old she is? Please dont be hard on yourself it seems so unfair that someone can go out and have a one night stand and become pregnant when alot of us are finding it difficult.

    I hope i havent offended you.

    here if you need to talk.

    jen xx
  • Hi, you must be feeling a lot of emotions right now, my sister did the same thing, she has 2 kids already to the same guy and fell pregnant again, she didnt want it and booked herself into clinic, that was a while ago now, but the thing is she used to joke about it and use it in rows with her oh which i dont find amusing having suffered a mc when 18 then having to give birth last year due to anecephaly diagnosis.
    She even tried to tell my oh that she knew how i must feel because of what happened to her!!! Needless to say i now dont spend much time with her as my anger and resentment towards her is quite high!

    I honestly feel that you have a right to the emotions you are going through and it's ok to be angry as some people seem to take pregnancy as an inconvenience rather than a blessing.

    I hope you find the strength to get through what is a difficult time for you and i wish you and dh all the best while
  • I wouldn't say you're being selfish - not at all.

    Its very hard to know how a group of ladies who are TTC would feel about abortion and I can understand how painful it must have been for you having to go through it with her and sit in the clinic full of other girls / ladies waiting to have one. Its such a personal subject to each and every woman there is nothing wrong with how you feel or how anyone feels about it.

    I'm not sure what to say about your step-daughter though...

    Sorry I've probably not helped but didn't want to R&R...
  • x

    [Modified by: nooniem on May 16, 2008 12:27 PM]

  • Do you think she could be lying hun?
  • hi honey, just read your message.
    i think you need to stop beating yourself up about this.

    i was in a similar situation not so long ago, my aunty knew that myself and my partner were trying for a baby, everytime i was near to testing she would ring and ask if i had an spare tests cos she was "panicking" that she was (she has 5 children anyway) then she did fALL pregnant and she then rang me giving me a hard time cos she was pregnant and didnt wnt it and it was an accident and what do i believe in abortions. i personally dont agree with them because my belief is all children are very precious gifts and its not thier fault they were conceived. but anyway everyone gave her so much sympathy andshe lapped it up. i felt extremely hurt by her cos she knew that i was having problms. but i think in your situation. maybe you should mention this to your partner and tell him how your feeling and whats happened (if he doesnt know). but also remember she may have wanted to be pregnant to prove something either to herself or someone else then when it did happen she completly panicked and realised it was wrong. it amazing what hormones make you feel. just try and talk to her and see how she is and if u can help anyhow. but i dont think you should feel so sorry for her. at the end of the day she has acted like an adult she needs to be spoken to as an adult. i would speak to her about the fact that having a baby has to be for the right reasons and it can be hard. but if she wont listen then im afriad youd have to let her learn the hard way.

    i hope this is of some help.
    sorry its bit long lol
    hope to hear from you soon
    stacey xx
  • How can people mess about with little lives like this. Are some people really that cruel and heartless.
    nooniem, I really feel for you. This has really wound me up. Im not surprised that you are tearful.
  • x

    [Modified by: nooniem on May 16, 2008 12:28 PM]

    [Modified by: nooniem on May 16, 2008 12:30 PM]

  • An ex friend got me to take her to an abortion clinic.
    She wasnt even pregnant. She booked the appointment, I took her, She went into a room with a nurse and 20 mins later she came out crying.
    The nurse explained to me that she had changed her mind at the last minute while she was in the room.
    About 6 months later she told me she wasnt even pregnant and that she had only done what she did to get to her ex boyfriend.
    I was not very impressed to say the least hence the EX best friend.
  • Im sorry to say this but it sounds to me that she is trying to play the sympathy card to get attention. At 25 she is an adult and should be taking responsibility of her own actions and what makes it worse is that she knows you have had 2mc.

    I hope you OH is giving you alot of support.

    jen xx
  • I think she needs to grow up a bit, live in the real world and stand up on her own two feet.
    Do you think she could be jealous of the relationship you have with her dad and what does her mother think of this situation.


    [Modified by: nooniem on May 16, 2008 12:30 PM]

  • Im sorry to say this and I dont normally judge people until I have got to know them really well but she sounds like a bit of a bitch.
    You are right in what you say in getting on with your own baby making. Live your own life hun and leave her to make a mess of hers.
    Take care hun xxx
  • xx

    [Modified by: nooniem on May 16, 2008 12:16 PM]

    [Modified by: nooniem on May 16, 2008 12:31 PM]

  • Its a good idea to delete this post hun. Dont want to make matters worse for you.
    Big hugs to you hun xx
  • Hi nooniem, I know you're hoping to delete this but just wanted to say something that I'm not sure has been said.

    You certainly do NOT need to feel bad about your own feelings. It's very difficult in this kind of situation and you feel like you feel for a reason.

    On the other hand, it seems your step daughter may have had a rough time of it as a youngster. Her mum not being around etc. Choosing to have a termination is one of the hardest decision any woman can make and most people don't take the decision lightly. She is likely to suffer emotionally from her actions at some point in the future but that does not mean that you have to feel guilty about the way you feel.

    I would suggest your stepdaughter needs some guidance, not just in this, but it many aspects of her life. I would not want to imagine what it would have been like without my mum at such a young age.

    Not to say that any of the above is an excuse and she may well have been 'curious' or 'testing' to see what would happen.

    I do hope that you are able to find some form of peace but please do not feel guilty for your thoughts. You are going through a very testing time yourself and it does seem unfair when other people get and don't want what we are desperate for.

    Take care and hope you have a good weekend.

  • Thanks Mrs Hopeful - i totally take on board your comments, and i knew the emotions involved when i married DH.... i knew at times it would be tough. I also think she may be trying to fill a void ... and yes curious too. She was supposed to be going on an internet date tonight, so i'm picking her up from work, and i've signed up us for a gym membership so i do try to be a good stepmum, but i know i'll never come close to her real mum.

    Have a great weekend!!
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