I give up, my heart cant take anymore:cry:

For those who read my post, its bfn and i think af is well on her way

ive had three chem pregs, ive been trying for 9 months. I had 21 day bloods and a few other tests which show Im the perfection of health. Im 24 years old, dont drink, dont smoke, im reletivily fit and l eat a good life style. Ive lower my caffiene intake to only one can a day no tea or coffee unless herbal tea.
I take folic acid, vit b6, b12 and other vits. My husband doesnt smoke and drinks once or twice a month.
We bd at all the right times. Im neither under or over weight.

Can someone please tell me what the f**k is going on and how I am not pregnant??? My doctor says im just "unlucky" and wont refere me for other tests or anything as Im still "young"

Its soooo unfair, im so deverstated my heart physically hurts and I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up because i will always feel like this until i have a baby, which it seems will never happen.
I hate myself for not being able to be pregnant, i hate my body for letting me down and i feel like im permently grieving for the children im not going to have.

Im scared of getting pregnant and having another miscarriage and im scared of not getting pregnant.
and if one more person says "stop worrying, it will happen when you stop trying" I will actually kill them.
Seriously. i really cant handle this anymopre but im never going to accept im unable to concieve.

Im such a failure :cry::cry::cry:


  • " it will happen when its time" i hate that bloody saying. im really sorry she is on her way hun. she is on route to me as well. we are the same as you not over or underweight, take vits, i drink but only a couple glasses of wine at the weekend which only started a couple of months ago up till then i never really drank and we don smoke.. we have been trying to eat better and be healthier, hubby also take vits. i have a lo already to which i am truly grateful but with her off the pill and bang i was pregnant. this time round i am heading into month 7, everyone arund me is pregnant and i know exactly how you are feeling hun. remember we are all here for you to vent your frustration. sending big hugs hun.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • I'm really sorry, I don't have much to say apart from you're not a failure, sometimes these things do take time. Take time off for the next couple of months and relax and spend Christmas and New Year not thinking about trying for a baby and focus on just having fun with your hubby.

    Go to the docs again at 12 months and see what they say.

    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you are still young and you do have plenty of time.

    Also, when you do test to get your chemical pregnancies? Do you wait until a good few days after AF is due. If not, testing early is just asking for a heartache that you may never have known about.

    Having a baby is an important thing, but you seem to be putting too much stress on yourself, which probably isn't helping your body stay in good condition.A baby isn't the 'be-all and end-all' of your and your husband's life. You have been trying for under a year, you are both fit and healthy, you know that your body is working as it should with you having regular periods - be thankful for that and do not grieve something that you have never had or think that you will never have. You never know what is around the corner.

    It is hard when you're trying and everyone else seems to be getting pregnant and you're not, but you have to stay positive.

  • my husband has a 4 year old with a previous girlfriend.

    i dont want to offend anyone, but you know when you hear stories about the couple who someone knows who have been trying for years and years and it ruined their lives. Im so scared thats going to be me, my friends says they knew someone who tried for ages but it just never happened.

    I dont want to depress anyone but i have noone else who i can talk too.
  • Thanks for your replies. I just feel really down today :\(
  • im so sorry you are so down. hun , im sure it will happen, my sister tried for over a year and was just about to get tests and bang she was pregnant. i know people say it all the time (and i find it hard to hear it) but it can take a healthy couple up to a year to fall, i really hope next month is your s hun,xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • It's horrible when you get down and please don't think I was being a bit strict (?) with you, but you do have so many positives going for you.

    Fingers crossed that you do catch soon, but please don't let it consume you.

    Have some chocolate/wine/cake and a long deep bath tonight - or do whatever you like doing that takes your mind of things and will make you feel better.
  • Hey sweetpea, didn't want to R+R, my heart goes out to you. I've only been trying for 2 monthhs and already getting AF makes me sad. Sending hugs and babydust xxx
  • It must be so tough for you pet but you mustn't blame yourself. You are definitely not a failure, you're a fab future mummy and the little baby that you WILL have is very lucky. Sometimes it can seem very unfair, especially when the one thing you're aching for seems to come to other people so easily. You've always got us to vent your frustration on though. Take care, sending you hugs. xx
  • oh honey you are not a failure

    i think so many people presume it is easy to get pregnant but its just not, even with both partners at the peak of health and doing it at the right time the percentage is not very high per cycle and for many it takes approx a year to 18 months, i was in the same position as you, it took us 11 months to concieve and it was hard esp with people appearing to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. i think your gp saying you are unluckily is cruel and certainly not a person with all the facts

    hugs x
  • I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be devestating. To know your not doing anything wrong and your completley healthy is frustrating. I just wanted to say that I really do hope you get pregnant soon and that you go on to have a happy and healthy baby.
  • I do feel for you chick, i have been trying for 14 months and i have never even seen a + test in that time!!! I do honestly think it is all down to stress and while you are under this stress your body probably wont let you get pregnant. I think you need to relax sweetie. I know you dont want to hear that but if there is nothing wrong with you fertility wise then it can only be put down to something like stress. I was VV stressed to the point of depression and i gave myself a good talking to and decided to "start afresh" and i havent got my BFP yet but i have got regular periods which i never had!!! You need to relax because it will be no good for your little bean if your body is in this state all the time!!!!

  • Aw honey,
    I am so sorry you are feeling so awful and i can totally echo your feelings. I think most of the girls on here have probably felt the way you have at one point on this journey.

    I felt like you 2 months ago, i had a missed mc at 8 weeks last year and we have been trying again since Feb this year. I was so desperate to get pregnant, to see that positive test again i was getting so upset every month. Sex was timed to military precision and although he never said i'm sure my husband just felt like a sperm doner.

    A month of two ago i decided i needed a break from ttc, not start using protection or anything just forgetting about taking my temps, using my CBFM & not checking my ovulation and it's been the best few months this year.

    I am lucky to have a fabulous hubby (i know everyone says that but Mr TIL is wonderful) and he has put up with so much crap from me on this ttc journey and without complaint.

    You really need to take a step back, even for the christmas period. Spend it focusing on your relationship, have a great christmas, eat and drink what you like and forget about ttc for the next 5 weeks. Have sex when you want it rather than when you should.

    I'm not trying to preach to you and i hope you dont feel that way cause ive been there and i know taking a step back worked for me.

    Huge hugs to you huni!!!

  • u poor thing, my boss is pg with 3rd son but it took her 2 years even third time round so i know it is no consiloation babe but it WILLhappen, i cant imagine how gutted u r but i do sympathise i was gutted after just one cycle , we're all here for u and dont give up on urself and dont hate ur body, u are healthy and it works hard for u, u will get the finaal link in your chain one day hun i promise. im also 24 so i do sympathise with what the dr said, idiots. here for u hun xx
  • Hi, I don't really belong in this forum but saw your thread and wanted to share my story. Please don't give up hope
    I have a 2yr old boy and it took us 3 years ttc for us to be blessed with him, we'd just started undergoing fertility tests when bfp popped up.
    it then took 18 months before I was pregnant with my little girl who sadly died at 20weeks in the womb, devestated doesn't even come close to my feelings for her.
    and now just under 3 months on I've got number 3 giving me hope but very early days..

    There seems to be no rhyme or reason to anything, I don't smoke, don't drink, don't live a lively life by anyones standards but it took forever.
    My main lifestyle changes with my son was I cut out caffiene all together, we bought a house and I think nesting instinct kicked in.
    After a year your gp should be offering you tests and I don't know about chemical pg but I'm pretty sure after 3mc they offer you further tests too, if I were you I'd be kicking up stink.
    I'd also suggest you take time out, I know easier said than done, with my new pregnancy I was actually an emotional wreck trying to get there and I really don't think it was good for anyone. It will happen and IF it doesn't there will be other options avaliable to you even if they're not your first choice!
  • Just remembered first bfp also arrived the moment we decided we weren't going to save our money for a baby anymore but splash out on ourselves and lavish holidays- that was stopped almost immediately lol!
  • thanks for all your replies.
    Im on CD1 today and husband wants us to try the sperm meets egg plan (i wonder why, with al that sexy time) and Ive got some Zestica so going try it out.
    My doctor gaves me 21 day bloods and a PRL test among other tests and it all came out fine.

    Waiting4baby, Im really happy for you and i hope you have a healthy, happy and very boring (and safe) nine months!
    Thank you for telling me your story it really gives me hope
  • good luck,
    your hubbys gonna think all his chrismas' have come at one!
  • thats our plan for this month too hun, although i have to wait till monday for af to show up before we can start. good luck hun, hope this is your month.xxxx
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