Another evening, another query!

Hi girls, this isnt really earth shatteringly important, just something I've been pondering and would appreciate your opinons. I always thought I'd be married to H2B before we had children but due to our finances that wont be the case as we are postponing a wedding for the forseeable future. The only niggle I have is that I wont have the same name as my children when they come along and that makes me really sad. OH hates the thought of double barrelling (TBH I'm not keen either) but I dont know how to shake myself out of this? I'm desperate to have children but the name thing is at the back of my mind alot just now. Am I being daft? Are any of you ladies having similar thoughts? Would I regret a rushed registry office wedding and look back and wish we'd waited?


  • Hey hun,

    I have a double barrelled surname (and first name) and I hate it! Luckily my mum remarried when I was young so even though they're not together anymore I use that name and have it on all of my ID etc (except Birth Certificate).

    OH and I have been engaged 2 years and haven't yet planned anything (I posted about planning a wedding yesterday as we are going to get started image ) but TBH it doesn't bother me that our baby could possibly have a different surname to me, I know it will only be for a while.. but on the other hand I love the thought of all of our names being the same on the birth certificate. I know that probably sounds silly but I think it's because my birth certificate is just a mish mash of names and I hate it!

    Not really helped you there but it is something I often think about. TBH from the replies I had from ladies yesterday about planning a wedding it doesn't have to cost an absolute fortune as I'd initially thought, a lot of ladies were right when they said to me it is only as expensive as you make it and ultimately the end result is the same - Husband & Wife xx

    [Modified by: BroodyBeth on December 30, 2009 08:04 PM]

    [Modified by: BroodyBeth on December 30, 2009 08:37 PM]

  • HI Autumn79,

    It wuld really depend on what type of wedding you wanted. I always thought that I wanted the fairy tale wedding but when I strted adding it up, it was costing sooo much, and TBH I personally couldn't justify spending that amoutn of money on one day, and realised that all I wanted to do was been DH wife - even if it meant I married him on an allotment in my jeans and wellies!! My other thing was that neither or us are at all religous and so we felt hypocritical getting married in a church.

    So we married in a register office and spent about ??6K in the end. I still had my dress, the cars, walked down the isle, 3 bridesmaids, meal, chocoltae fountain and LOVED my day. Of course that's juts me but I thought I'd put another perspective to it.

    I also wanted to have children after I was married as I too wanted the same name as my children, but it took nearly 6 months after we married to decide to TTC, and 10 months before we actually started TTC.

    Why don't you work out exactly what type of wedding you would like, how much it would cost etc and then see if it's feasable to do before you give birth? Also, don't want to sound negative, but we never know how long TTC might take, so why put things off just in case...


  • Hi hun, I'm in the same boat, we are getting married in 2012 so (hopefully) when baby comes along we won't yet be married. To be honest though the name doesn't bother me at all, it's not like it will be forever, just until I change my name.
    I think if you rush things you will regret it, it won't be the day you have pictured from you were dressing up in your mums clothes! Though if it's something that is really bugging you, there is always the option of having a small registry office wedding for the legal side of things and then a bigger day for a blessing when your finances allow it xx
  • hiya dont know if this helps you but both my children were born b4me and hubby were married and it was a bit weird having a different name but its not that unusual these days and when we got married we just went and re-registered them and now my name and theirs is the same on everything!! only thing is that in the hospital they always put the mothers name on the childs info until they`ve been officially registered so on the keepsakes like the hospital wristband they are both my maiden name which none of us have any more image hope that makes sense!
  • ooops have just realised that i never actually answered your question! i personally wouldn`t let it bother you and do the ttc bit now and get married when you planned .it was an amazing day when we got married and it made it that bit more special having our gorgeous kids being part of it!
  • Hia

    Well when I read this it reminded me of a story my friend told me only the other day. Her Mum and Dad weren't married when they had her and didn't get married until she was 16 (and she didn't know until then!). Her Mum just used her Dad's name - she spoke to a solicitor about it and and he said that it was perfectly ok to use the name providing it wasn'tfor illegal purposes. Now I dunno about the laws today - but I am sure there is a way round it. (Actrually she is also pregnant now and not married partner either.)

    On the other side of it like monstersmummy a wedding will be even more special with your little ones there with you both. Maybe you could just focus on ttc for now?

    Sorry i cudn't be more help!
  • Hi hun,

    Is it just the name thing worrying you, or would you like to be married before having your baby? For me, and this is only me personally (not at all judgmental! :\) ) it was very important to be married before having a family so when I was getting broody, we planned our wedding in four months! (Obviously I wanted to marry my man as well, we have been together for 9 years!) Like rainbow, it didn't cost a fortune but I had a perfect day in a gorgeous country house, mainly saved money by having it on a Thursday and also by only inviting people I really really wanted there!! So it is possible to have the day you dreamed of without spending a ridiculous amount on one day, or having to plan it for years!

    If it is only the name thing, I really wouldn't worry, as others have said it wouldn't be forever and I bet once you have your gorgeous baby you won't care any more! :\) And it would be lovely to have your little ones at your wedding. I do like Huni's idea as well, of having a legal ceremony and then a more lavish do later.

    After all that waffling, I think what I was trying to say is do what is important to you, don't worry about what other people might think as there is no wrong order to do things and they will be your darling children even if you don't share their name for a little while :\)
  • Hello

    Don't know if this helps or not, but my hubby and I got married in the summer 09, and I wasn't keen on changing my name to his. Eventually, two weeks before the wedding, I relented and my "personal" surname is his, my "professional" surname is my maiden name. It all caused me a lot of heartache and tears before the wedding as it was a real issue for us and I felt under a lot of pressure from various parties.

    Anyway the upshot of it all is that I now have two names that I use in equal measure and I've now realised that a name is just a name. It's nothing more, and no one really minds what you are called, they don't even really notice! You get totally used to a name change, and it makes us no less married that I sometimes use a different surname, I'm sure you would be the same if baby had a different surname. To be honest I feel quite detached from my married surname so it will be wierd for our kids to have that name anyway if you see what I mean?

    Also, hubby and I spent two years planning our wedding and had the most amazing incredible day ever (cost about ??9k) which was absolutely everything we wanted, and I wouldn't change it for the world. You should have the day of your dreams, whether that is this year or in five years, registry office or castle it doesn't matter, but it really was the best day of our lives and I would hope that feels like that for everyone.

    Good luck with ttc and wedding planning etc image

    Cent xx
  • Hi girls, thank for all the replies, its really good to get your views on things. I spoke to OH this morning and he said work out the min cost that we could do it for, it came in at just under ??1000 which we could manage hopefully before a baby is born. Thinking about it, I would def like to be married before a baby is born, then we can always have a bigger celebration later on when we have the money. I know it's just a name but for me I would feel like I was seperate from OH and our children if we didnt have the same name (daft I know). OH says I think about things too much (I probably do lol!) but at least I know I can come on here and vent!

    Thanks again ladies, fantastic advice as always.
  • Hi just wanted to say there are so many ways to do a wedding on a budget. My dress only cost ??200 because it wasn't white so couldn't be classed as a wedding dress. I did a lot myself I made my own inviatations and place cards and I made my own bouquets from wooden roses (and I'm doing them for other weddings now, I have a website if you want to look lol) my friend bought a kit from hobby craft to make her tiara for her wedding. It means shopping around but I really enjoyed planning my wedding and everyone said it was the best weddinng they had ever been to!
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