middle of the night downer
Hi everyone. I feel really down. I went for a smear this morning as it was overdue (5 years since the last). It is 4 weeks since my miscarriage at 12 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 8 1/2 - mc bleeding stopped 1 week ago). Th smear was very painful- i think the nurse was trying to make sure she had enough cells as i had had an inconclusive smear in the past). There was bleeding and pain and although the bleeding has tailed off, the pain is still here. have taken pain killers and have hot water bottle, but also feel sick. The whole thing is reminding of the miscarriage and how much i miss my little darling baby. I am so sad. I have had a miscarriage before, at 18 (8 years ago) and am so worried that if i get pregnant again , it will happen all again. I so want a baby; i know we all do! It is a deep need within us that cannot be surpressed. Don't know what has happened to me today - so emotional. Did a pg test the other day to make sure my body was getting back on track - wanted it to be negative so i knew hormones had gone, but still so sad to see it was. I am all over the place this year - my boyfriend proposed to me on saturday - it was amazing- we love eachother so much. We had only come off the pill in DEC and wanted to try for a baby from NOV/08 but got preg 03/02/08 - which was great news. - now it has all gone wrong and i can't wait to start trying for a baby again. I know this is a long posting and probably a bore - sorry.