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Friend or Foe?

Okay Ladies I need your advise / opinion on something. I was friends with a girl about 7 years ago, we where best friends and used to do everything together, one day she met this bloke and totally changed, she became really selfish and basically used to use me all the time, I eventually I got fed up and told her to get lost and we lost touch. Recently she found me on facebook and we started chatting and eventually became friends again, she had been married to this bloke and they are now divorced, at first she seemed like she had gone back to her olf self she just wants to see me all the time and whenever I say i'm doing something I know she checks up on me on facebook. Anyway, last week I was at her house and I told her about me and oh ttc and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said "what? why? are you crazy?" she then went on to talk about how much she hated kids and said not to bloody ask her to babysit etc etc, I couldn't believe it, surely if she was in fact a true friend she would be happy for me? She even said "I know i'm supposed to say congratulations and be happy for you but you know how much I don't like kids!"

I haven't seen or spoken to her since and she is supposed to be coming round to my house tomorrow night and I really don't think I want to see her, what do you all think?



  • This is a hard one? I mean she should be happy for you though i have had a few looks of what are you doing, leave it for now.

    I mean the fact that she changed so much in the first place as soon as a guy came along could mean she will do exactly the same thing again when another bloke comes along. Maybe tell her how you feel and see what she says.

    Or just have her a friend somebody you see now and then but don;t get as close as you did before that way why she acts like this it wont upset or bother you so much as you are not that closer friend of her's.

    K xx

  • Yeah thanks K I think that's what i'll do, to be honest because of what happened last time I have been keeping her at arms length and not seeing her that often, to be honest I do have a lot of different groups of friends and sometimes it's quite hard to see everyone regularly anyway and my other friends understand and have their own lives as well but I think because she is recently divorced and not with anyone and she literally wants to see me all the time, whenever i see her she is always asking me when she's going to see me again and everytime she comes round she expects to stay over and I just don't feel like I can give her that sort of comittment, I think she expects the friendship to just go straight back to the way it was before but unfortunately once someone has broken my trust it's really hard for me to forgive so i'm cautious of her anyway and then when she said that I just thought is it really worth it???

  • i think this may just have been the last nail in the coffin, from what you say it seems to me like maybe you've just grown apart beyond the point of return.
    its seems like maybe her life is very empty at the moment if she has time and feels the need to check up on you all the time!
    i would ask myself a few questions:

    what do you have left in common?
    do you look forward to hearing from her?
    do you feel you can trust her 100%

    it sounds like both your lives are going in totally different directions and that may be whats coming between you more than her not being a baby person!! i mean after all just cause we all want babies and can't think of anything else it doesn't really make her a bad person to not want those things, maybe shes being bitter cause she's scared your moving on without her?

    freindship is a two way path, so there has got to be come and go!! if shes becoming a drain then maybe its time to distance yourself, you don't need to fall out with her just maybe not see her as often!!
  • Wow Dani you speak a lot of sense, you should be an agony aunt lol! Thank you very much that's actually really helpful. We don't really have a lot left in common and quite often I find myself with nothing to say to her, I don't look forward to hearing from her in fact I have ignored a few of her calls and I don't trust her 100%, not even 50% if i'm honest. We are just totally different people now, well, actually I think the problem is she has gone back to the way she was before she met her husband (like a 23 year old again) and I have grown up and matured so I don't want to go out every weekend and stay up all night drinking and she does and she makes me feel wrong for not wanting to do those things but that's just not my thing anymore!!

  • thanks honey but i think it comes from having 4 sisters!!!
    theres prob not a problem under sun we haven't faced between us!! lol!!!
    glad i could help!!

    [Modified by: danipink on June 05, 2008 03:34 PM]
  • Do you think she has has problems ttc? NOT suggesting it makes her behaviour right, but might explains things. Especially if she is single now.
  • do you enjoy her company? some people are overtly negative when actually they may be envious. maybe she really wanted to try for a baby in her previous relationship and is finding it difficult that she might not be in a position to try now.then again maybe she is a bit self centered. difficult!
  • She is a very self centered person, I could never imagine her having a child! Sometimes I enjoy her company and sometimes I don't but I suppose that could be said of a lot of people lol!! She's good at the fun stuff like going out drinking etc but no good as a confident or when the going gets tough!! x
  • after reading these posts also you gotta think you spent all this time without her when she went off with this guy, and you were fine so it seems its her that needs this friendship more than you.

    wether a person likes children or not for her to act in this way when your telling her something personal and important to you isn't acceptable, ithink the girls are right break away from her and maybe just see her occasionaly xxxx
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