CD37, I knew I had no willpower

I was a fool to think I'd last until Sat, but now I'm wishing I had of course. Last night (cd36) I was looking at how many tests I had left and as I had a couple more than I thought so I tested. I have never tested at night before but the addiction told hold! BFN of course without even a hint of an evap line. Then this morning (cd37) like an even bigger fool I thought I should do one with FMU as in my head last night didn't count, BFN. I think it had an evap line after 15 mins (discard after 30) but nothing that anyone else would ever be able to spot. I prefer to have evap lines than nothing even if they aren't obvious as it saves me from loses all hope, I've spotted it before but BFN's of course. That's a lie actually as now I feel like crap, no pma and hate ttc as it feels shite.

My problem was that Mon night I dreamt that I was pg with twin boys, had a very real natural birth and actually had 1 boy and 1 girl. Then had a very vivid breast feeding part, never had any of this before so it got me going. My nan on my mums side is a twin, she has a twin brother! I just feel stupid now as I have no signs of O and we don't BD enough so I know there is a chance but the chances of the timing being right is stupidly low. I know it's not over till af shows but right now it feels over as isn't this the same as every other month! I really must learn to test when I'm late, why or why do we do this to ourselves. Not sure when I'll test again but will keep you all updated.


  • Honey I am so sorry you have got a BPN , i read in a few plaes now that you should not just bd around ov you should bd regular throughout the month and this is meant to help?

    How long have you been trying?

  • Thanks for replying hun, I'm on Cycle 5 ttc but cycle 6 is around the corner. I know that's not that long but feels like about 2 yrs.

    I agree that it's better to BD through the month but it's really hard work. My DH isn't bothered about 'doing it' that often and it's hard work and depressing when he turns me down. We got into the habit of 'doing it' about once a month or maybe twice so now it feels very different and forced. My cycles have gotten longer (44,33,30, 39 and now 37 and counting) so with no idea on O etc it is along time to keep it up.

    Am going to try a.c next month and increase the dosage on epo. Tried opk's once but no +ve and so it made it worse. I felt fab this month but the BFN's just make me lose all hope. I guess I just do it knowing that there's a chance of a BFP and that being one of the best days in my life when it happens. The BFN's are the worst though. Sorry to be a bore, I'm the same every month! I know I'm not out yet but I just feel at a loss with my cycle so the prospect of a new month is another month of being lost. Thanks for your reply, I just need to learn to be patient!
  • hi honey sorry to hear about your BFN, its prob better that you come on here and have a good rant, help get the disappointment out your system!!

    don't know if this will help but when me and oh decided to start ttc it was the same for us, felt really forced and not that much fun but to be honest now after a few mths we both know what and when we need to do so we are now getting in the habit of bd more often and it feels more natural! and much more fun!! i don't have to tell him that much now!!!

    but fingers crossed, there is still a possiblility and i won't be giving up on you just yet!!!

    PMA all the way!!!!
  • Ahh i know it's hard honey not last night but the night before was our first time of bd to try and my poor hubby got stage fright!! We never normally do it loads and it;s been a bit of a problem in our relation actually for about two years so now we have to do it it;s hard work. Managed to bd last night which was better than the night before but i am also worried about how it going to go you know.

    It will happen just sometimes it takes time and once you get into it you and your hubby will get use to it and enjoy it more xxxxxxxxxx
  • Hi porky, would you believe I've just done the same thing when I got in from work-bfn of course as I am between d8 andd10 po, if I oved at all! How stupid!!! I was aiming to hold out until at least saturday if not tuesday but no I had this compulsion and KNEW it was too early. Why do we do it to ourselves!?!?!
    Anyway I hope the next time you test its that bfp. Good luck!!xx
  • Hi danipink, This month it was much better and less forced although I think that's more to do with taking our time instead of in-out job done, tmi sorry! It's the timing that drives me bonkers. Maybe I could try OPK's again in a couple of months but a different brand perhaps. Feel better for the rant but just feel frustrated, stupid cycle lengths, boo hiss. Will update if anything changes!
  • K-lou sorry to hear that the BD'ing is frustrating for you too. We have really let things slip, I just wish I'd have worked on it before ttc. My DH doesn't get stage fright really but just says no which makes me sooooo mad. I try to not show it but it's hard as I feel like he holds us back and he has the control over our efforts. I know he wants a baby but he just can't be bothered BD'ing for such a long period and often. I have been stressing out soooo much in the evenings not knowing if he'll play along. CD37 now so haven't bothered BD'ing now and then Sun and Mon he wants to, go figure! I hope your DH can relax more as it's a tricky problem too. Thanks for replying x
  • Hi Helen, sorry about the BFN. I was going to wait till Sat too, we must be mad. Sorry to hear about not knowing if you O'd, welcome to my world! Not sure if I'll bother now on Sat, would like to wait it out now that I've poas twice already. Guess it depends on how weak I get, I hope you get your BFP this month, keep me updated on your poas addiction! xxx
  • sad to hear you got a bfn but hey it might be too early so stick to testing sat and you never know? dont be down hun try to stay postive, trust me i know how hard that is,ive been down for 6months and finally have realised i should sort myself out. im more hopeful than ever and so happy now. i think of the positives and believe that one day it will happen and when it does ill be so excited and i cant wait no matter when it will be!!!
    good luck it will happen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Hi Fiona, I was really positive until the BFN's, ggrr. I'd had such a good month too but at the end of the month I know it's make or break. Will try to re focus too as it's so consuming. Glad to hear you're so happy, I've got my friend visiting me in a couple of weeks so excited about that and if af finds me then I'll be drinking with her so all's not lost either way (I have to tell myself)!. Thanks for your inspiring reply hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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