just been made to feel like crap

Not actually ttc related but i am so upset.

I have a great relationship with the minister and his wife at my church. I talk to her everyday, she is like a grandmother to me. (i dont have any family really) so she knows i go to her a lot for support.

I have had really terrible depression/anxiety attacks relating to my previous job which was teaching. I quit my job in September after it become clearly too much. My husband has the perfect job, he loves it, every day is a great day and I am sooo proud/glad for him.

I complained about wanting to move (didnt give the reasons) and she snapped at me and said i need to be quiet as it must be horrible for my husband to come home everyday to me complaining and that he works really hard for me, and i dont contribute.

Now thats fine, but what she doesnt know is WHY we want to move. Also... I paid the deposit, council tax, food, bills etc for 2 years. How dare she say I dont contribute.

I am now crying and i feel terrible (on my valentines day while hubbie is at work). I felt shit enough as it was, out of work and not actively looking WHICH my amazing husband is fine with, we were going to start our family this summer image now i feel like a scrounger.


  • Hi Rosemary,
    What a cheek! to be honest thats a bit of a personal remark to be making on someone elses relationship.
    I think it's great that you are in the position wher you can take a break for a while. Is there a law that says that you have to be "actively looking for work" ?
    That is between you and your hubby, and if it is working for you then it is no one elses's buisness. To say you don't contribute is a bit of an assumption too.. It's not just about contributing financially.. I bet you support your hubby in lots of ways.

    Don't let it make you feel like crap. Why do you think she said it? x
  • I phoned my hubbie who said 'how dare she speak on my behalf!' when he doesnt think any of it. He said 'without you, i'd have no socks, no furniture, no deposit for our house etc etc' and he made me feel better/wanted. I just dont think she thought it through.... i think she thought my negativity was against my life and that i am 'unhappy' which is totall untrue.

    I am not on job seekers or anything as i dont need to be, we are financially more stable than anyone i know, on one wage!! We're even thinking of having a baby for goodness sake, we're hardly starving here.

    I did a stupid degree for 4 years for a job i didnt even like in the end... it could take me one week or one year to find another job i wanna do, but if my husband supports me thats all that matters.

    I think my age ticks her off too, I am 23 and therefore 'in my prime' i guess so should be out working etc. Humph. I dont know image
  • Don't even let it bother you hun! I didn't go into teaching after my degree as I felt exactly the same, I wasn't sleeping and had anxiety attacks (which I still suffer from now over 2 years later!!) Sometimes your mental health and well being is just too important, much more important than a job.

    If you can live on one wage, good for you. I always tell my hubby that if he earned more I wouldn't go to work! It is not anybody else's business, what's wrong with starting a family and your husband whilst he works to provide for you all, that's how it used to be done!! It is no-one elses place to judge you, you and your husband knows what is right for you both and thats all that matters.

    Chin up! :\)

  • Maybe she is jelous, like you say your 23 have enough money not to work and an amazing husband, she might find it hard to believe you have anything to complain about. If you want to keep the relationship maybe you should tell her how you feel and why you were confiding in here in the first place. Good luck image
  • She probably thinks you should change into a pretty dress and greet him at the front door with his slippers and a glass of scotchimage
    How rude of her. If you moaned constantly she may think poor bloke he works all day and has to come home to that but it doesn't sound like that's the case and even if she thought it, she should have had better manners!
    Ignore the jealous old lady and listen to your DH image
  • lol, i think you may be right. I am not the worlds most positive person, i will be the first to admit that, but my hubbie lets me know lol! I have tried really hard to not let it get to me, cried a bit. But have done all the ironing, cleaned the kitchen and am about to start cooking our valentine dinner, yummers.
    I don't know how I feel about talking to her... i may do. it depends how i feel later on, might chat to hubbie about it in more detail tonight.

    Might have a glass of wine tonight too!
  • i agree with looby hun, she sounds jealous to me! Take no notice, hope you have a nice meal image xx
  • How awful! Not any of her business to comment on.

    However, in your post you did say that you are very close to her and speak everyday. In my experience of my PIL (they all live within 5 mins my family are 4 hours away) the more involvement we have with them the more they think they have the right to make "contributions" to our relationship. As a result we still have a close relationship with them but don't spend as much time with them and there is a very clear line where we don't discuss important things in our marriage until the decision has been made.

    Do you think it would be an idea to perhaps not confide in her so much so she can't throw it back in your face?x x
  • Hi Rosemary
    Read your post - and maybe I'm wrong - but she could have just been having an off day? Maybe she had been dealing with someone in a really bad position and whatever you said to her just hit a nerve at the wrong time. Or maybe she was just having a bad day?

    I'm not trying to make excuses - what she said has obviously upset you. But if you are close to her - maybe she let the comment slip out without realising you'd take it badly?

    I hope you've enjoyed the rest of your valentines day - your OH sounds like a great guy BTW.

    If she was v close to you before - maybe you could talk to her again and explain how her comments hurt you. She may not realise that what she said hurt you. It would be bad to lose someone over misconstrued comments.

    I hope you don't mind these comments - I don't know the full story of your situation, but it seems a shame to lose someone who was previously important to you.


  • Rosemary I just went thru the same thing (well kinda) I left my job in november because the Doctor said it was too stressful for me.

    Hubby said i should say home a couple of months then start looking for work when im ready (he earns enough to support us both).

    His mum TEXTED me about 3 wks ago saying I'm only with him for his money and I'm lazy.

    Because she is in a different country, little did she know I brought him a car, I paid for half of the furniture and if it wasnt for me he wouldnt have the job he does (i had to kick him up the backside to get him to apply for it)

    Honestly who cares what anyone else thinks, Its non of their business and its between you and your hubby!

    keep your chin up hun

    karina xx
  • thanks again ladies, you're so helpful. I think maybe she was having an off five minutes. It was silly, we'd been talking for about 15 minutes already so where it came from i dont know.

    I have spoken to hubbie about it and he reckons just give the talking a rest, let me and her get back to normal and then maybe go for coffee somewhere neutral and see what happens. In like.... a few weeks.

    Feel a bit better this morning, i know i contribute in ways she doesnt understand, but i dont go around shouting about how fabulous I am!

    Mafia Princess, totally with you on the family feeling able to just butt in and tell you what they think, we're going to move slightly more away from hubbies family! Mine all live in scotland so i think i am safe... for now!
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