So fed up - no need to reply just need to let it out

we have been trying for a baby for a year.

My other half doesnt seem to have any concept of whats actually involved, despite me telling him and begging him to do is own research. He feels doing the baby dance a few times a month is plenty. Take tonight he has had a long drive, come in feeling tired and achy, had a bath, had tea, watched tv and them come to bed to sleep, despite it been the right time of the month. I swear to god its never going to happen for me. Im nearly 35 for gods sake, I never felt that at this time of my life i would just be trying to start my family I thought by now I would be done and dusted.

I feel so down. I am in a job thats ok but doesnt do it for me. My boss is ok on the face of things but she pins things on me i havent done, or that i have done wrong due to lack of training and I see no way out of it as I need to be there for my maternity leave. I dont know what will happen after that as my boss tells me my role is a full time position and to be frank i havent dared to tell them i want a baby. I have to pretend that i hate kids so as not to be pushed out.

I just feel my time is coming to a close and it hurts so much. I have irrational thoughts blaming my first love. If he hadnt gone with someone else we would have still been together and had a family by now. A friends daughter has just given birth at 18. The pregnancy was planned and now she isnt coping, and everytime my friend talks about how hard she has it at the moment I want to scream, she wanted it she has it, she is luckier than some just get on with it. How awful is that!

I dont even know why i am writing this here. I just dont know what to do anymore.


  • Hey, i'm so sorry you're feeling down like this, i think we all get like this sometimes, especially when it seems your OH isn't taking it as seriously as you are. Hang in there, you hear about 60 year old women getting pregnant so don't give up just yet! It will happen, you just have to give it time. As for your friends daughter, don't even get me started on those situations! I've had 3 miscarriages and have numerous problems 'down there', i'm going to find it hard enough to conceive anyway so trust me to find a partner who is away 5 days a week and is leaving for 6 months soon! My 19 year old sister is 5 1/2 months pregnant, the day i found out i spent the day in bed crying and couldn't talk to her for a few days and only then because we had to go and cheer my Dad on at a charity run, so i just put a brave face on and got on with it, it sounds awful but i really resented her for a long time. Even now it's hard hearing her talk about stuff she's bought and her scans, midwife appts etc. It's killing me really, but she's my little sister and i have to get on with it, she's going to need me. She actually sent me a text a few weeks ago saying she was bored of being pregnant now, i couldn't believe she said that to me of all people, i just replied saying well i'm bored of trying to get pregnant so we never can win can we.

    I also know a young couple in their early 20s who have been trying for 2 years, and she's recently found out her Mum is pregnant and she's not even trying! Life is so cruel, she's devastated.

    Anyway, i've gone off the subject slightly haven't i!

    Just keep in mind it will happen one day and the wait will be more than worth it!

    Good luck x x

  • Hay, I am on month 16 so been ttc for a while image

    Your time will come and i am sure you will be a excellent mummy

    Month 16 TTC #2

    Gems xx
  • Hi,

    I am the same as gembags, it is now month 16 for me. I am 22 and people always comment on my age so i daren't tell them i am TTC, which is why i come here because nobody cares about that.

    I am kind of in the same boat as you, my OH drives for a living, comes home has a bath and his tea, watches a bit of TV, dozes on the sofa and then goes to bed.
    I think you need to do what i did (of course it is up to you) but i sat my OH down and explained i wanted a baby and he did, i sometimes think even he wants it that little bit more than me. But i found some stuff online and printed it off and gave it to him to read. He read it and i explained if he really does want a baby we have to take TTC seriously. For a year he attempted to try for a baby but we only had sex 2-3 times a month max because of his job. It got to the stage where i was laid in bed knowing i was ovulating and he was fast asleep. In the end i told him i was giving up TTC and maybe in a few years time when we are in our mid 20's we can start again and according to him hearing that broke his heart.

    I suppose what i am trying to say is for that first year i wanted a baby soooooooooo much but my OH just thought it was as easy as having sex and getting pregnant. So when i actually sat him down to talk and said i was giving up it obviously hit home and he took it seriously after that. I am now on month two of my CBFM and keeping my fingers crossed but i really would advise printing some stuff off for your OH and having "the talk".

    I hope things go ok and you will get your BFP one day soon, i am sure!!!

    Tink xx
  • *tink* my OH still thinks its as easy as just having sex image and he is always telling me it will happen when its ment to be (ggggrrrrrr at OH) :lol:
  • Hello! I know exactly how you feel. I have been ttc for a year and I'm 38. I've already been passed over for promotion in favour of a man (grrr). Can't really complain about this in case I need maternity leave but that doesn't seem to be happening.
    Still (takes deep breath), we should try to be positive. Please join me in PMA! You are younger than me and people have babies at this age all the time (just look at my friends...). Perhaps we should relax over Christmas and see what happens? Does your OH have time off? If he does, enjoy!!
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