Why are people so tactless when it comes to ttc??

hi ladies, just wanted a bit of a moan (sorry!) i met up with a couple of friends yesterday who i haven't seen for ages and one of then kept bringing up when we were going to have kids and how they'd thoguht i'd be pregnant within a year of getting married so i "only have a few weeks left!" i felt like shouting "well i thought i'd be pregnant within a year of getting married too, so thanks for rubbing in the fact that i'm not!" i'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that people don't realise until they've had experience of ttc that you don't necessarily decide to go for it and then bam! you're pregnant but it still makes me mad that people can be so tactless and pry into your personal life so much!
anyway, rant over!

[Modified by: cookiesandcream on 22 February 2010 19:26:04 ]


  • Yep totally agree with you on that one! Dont even get me started else i'll be moaning all day about it! he he
    They think that as soon as youre married youre going to become pregnant like its such an easy thing to do. We cant pick and choose when we fall pregnant it happens when it happens. I dont bother going out much now a days as all you seem to get is "well are you pregnant yet" even though you havent even told them that youre trying, they just assume that thats whats going to happen! argh its so annoying And its always the ones who either got married and had a baby straight away after getting married or theyre not even married yet.
    OK my rant over now! sorry xx
  • Feel free to rant - it annoys me that people assume they know better than you. The assumption being that if you were ttc you would have announced it to all and sundry.

    I've come accross a slightly different ttc tactlessness - my wee sis recently gave birth to a beautiful little boy whom I love to bits. Whenever I talk about him I'm accused of being broody and that it'll soon be me wanting a baby of my own!!! I came off my pill last Nov but when I get my BFP everyone will think I only ttc because my sister had a baby!! aarrggh, it makes me mad, can I not be happy for her without people assuming I'm wanting to copy her.

    Thing is people don't see it like that I guess, they're not being mean just not stopping to think before they open their big mouths! :roll:

    [Modified by: Sun_Shine on February 19, 2010 01:54 PM]

    [Modified by: Sun_Shine on February 19, 2010 01:56 PM]

  • Hi Cookiesandcream,
    I had the same thing yesterday! We met up with some friends of my husband's who I've only met once and we hadn't seen for 4 years. Before my bum was even on the chair in the restaurant the woman said 'so no sign of any babies yet- are you thinking of hving them?'. I immediately shouted back with, 'No not just yet' and thought I'd shut her up but she then proceeded to mention ttc 4 other times to do with the size of my house, the decorating I'd done in the computer room and how living close to my parents was great for babysitting etc etc. On the way home I broke down (my car did not emotionally- well at least not just then haha) and had to get my DH to come out of the liverpool match to help. When he came back home I was in a foul mood. I'd decorated a room for him as a surprise in just one day to cheer him up and he'd showed little reaction so I went to bed in a right cob and got really nasty. It all stemmed from the comments the woman made about TTC. I tried to explain it to my DH but think he just thinks I'm being a bit hysterical and neurotic.

    You're right people think ttc is like putting something in a mirowave and knowing exactly when it will ping- I've got news for them haha xxx
  • I know. This time ttc I answer anyone who says 'isn't it time for another baby?' with 'i don't want anymore' or 'we will try when little one is at school' which gives us a few more years!
  • heehee can always rely on this site to show me a bit of solidarity!
    sun shine i know what you mean - when we went to visit my cousins baby for the first time i felt like i shouldn't act too enthusiastic or it would start the questions and comments off - when all i wanted to do was steal her away and cuddle and play with her the whole time we were there!
    i just know that when we do announce we'r epregnant these people will be all smug in a "told you so" kind of way - almost as if they knew before we did. don't know why that annoys me but it does!

    just married i've heard from the toddler board (was g/cing once) that its 10x worse once you have one with everyone sticking there nose in and asking when you're going to have another. it really does suprise me how many people don't seem to consider that it might not happen instantaneously!
  • oooh this really gets my goat!!!
    Even on our wedding day we had people saying babies are next!! uh we already have a 5 year old (well 4 at the time!!) i was in shock as i'd prob only been married barely an hour!!! grrrrr
    people should keep their thoughts to themselves!!!!

  • Don't get me or my husband started on this. We haven't told any one, not even our parents, that we are ttc. It annoys me that people keep asking us about 'when are you going to have a baby? It's the question that has been asked since we got married 6 months ago. When we are asked we just say 'We're not ready yet!' I'm trying not to give any signs away at all. Going out having a drink will be our next issue! It will be 'want aren't you drinking...are you pregnant?'
    We only started ttc a month ago and I AF today, so it will happen when it happens. It's our little secret and it will be nice surprise for everyone including us, when we are blessed with the baby dust.
  • I found a friend who gave birth last year the worst! I didn't drink at New Year this year as I thought I had a faint line on a test, and she went on and on about it, saying to everyone who would listen, "Ruth is soooo pregnant." Then she kept saying to me, "Just tell us all the truth, we all know you're pregnant, I've been there too you know!" Yeah, she has been there and she made a big song and dance about keeping it quiet until 12weeks, so she should have been more understanding. She's gone down in my estimations since, I have to say!
    Ooooh, I needed that rant, thanks lovelies!
  • There are two ladies I work with who do this all the time and it is starting to wear VERY thin. Just because they wish they had had their two children closer together doesn't mean it is the same for everyone, they forget most people can't afford two children in nursery at the same time these days. They go on about in front of other people and I want to tell them to shut up! The other week they shouted it round the staff room that I looked fat so must be pregnant, how insensitive! And they whisper together and point at me and I really hate it. I feel very soon I am going to fall out with them as it really upsets me. It is so very hard to ignore, so you have my sympathy totally.

  • Jellyfishpink that is terrible, imagine making an issue in the staff room - I can't believe grown women would be sooo insensitive! I am so mad for you and I don't even know you!!! lol!

    My one saving grace is I'm not married and many folk still stick to the belief that marriage should come first - but ir doesn't stop everyone!

  • Hi ladies
    God im glad its not just us! I had exactly this prob my friends have recently had babies or are currently pregnant, went out with them yesterday and because i didnt have a drink oh i must be pregnant - fact is i was 1) driving, and 2) I never drink but neither was a good enough reason!!! I find the most annoying thing is that people think you just 'get' pregnant its such a rollercoaster of emotions. When people said to us about kids after we got married I used to give the answer - oh is it a fertility ring or a wedding ring - oh i must be careful!
  • I'm normally quite honest and when people ask when we want the next I just say 'we aren't sure we can have anymore yet' that normally disgraces people into shutting up lol I don't really mind people knowing hubby went through illness for a long while and had to have radiation etc which we couldn't hide so if they actually thought about it they would realise it would be a stupid thing to ask us! X
  • I know how you feel with that one Looby, my hubby had testicular cancer many years ago so we were shocked when we actually were told we could have kids, but might struggle. We fell pregnant naturally and were even more shocked!! People now assume that we should have another one just because we can, but we both know that it could take years for us to conceive again and we may need to resort to help even though we have a child already.

    People are always asking us when the next one is due even though we haven't told anybody we are TTC, and we just laugh and say we cant afford it; doesn't shut them up, but annoys me because I feel like there is more pressure on us - when the whole reason we haven't told anybody we are TTC is to keep the pressure down!!!

    Grrrr, got me going now!! x
  • oh this gets my gears also ggrrrrr

    i am constantly asked when im having another,and i just reply oh not yet im not ready for another but inside im dying to shout the truth just to shut them up but then i dont what their sympathy

    there is one woman at my work who keeps saying to people oh we've told Lisa its about time she has another,i said erm its not that easy you no,quite nastily back for her to reply oh yes it is!!!!!! :roll:

    clearly that why ive been ttc for so fircking long,should have just asked the bloody oracle eh lol
  • Yeah the people at my work were like that, from the moment I got married it was when was the baby due, as though I was already pregnant. Then once I'd had him it was when are you having another?!

    So annoying!!! Some people are so lucky and don't ever have to worry about having babies and fall pregnant straight away and thats wonderful, but for those of us who struggle it just hurts and makes me so upset because I'm so desparate for another baby.....and I know I shouldn't complain because I already have a wonderful son and some of you are still TTC for your first, it just...sorry, it just really winds me up.
    Feeling on a bit of a downer tonight!! Just found out my cousin is pregnant (by accident) and its hit me hard :\(
  • i think some people are tactless full stop!
    i had my LO last april and returned to work in jan. Somebody brought a baby in which i was cooing over and somebody said dont you be getting broody you have only just come back! but in an accusing manner. And yes i am broody again and going to be trying in april/may but they try to make me feel bad because i am married with a little boy aged 24 and my life is not dedicated just to my career.
    some people just dont think xxx

    ( sorry g/c but just really got me going too!)
  • Well I can certainly vouch as soon as your first lo hits their first birthday everyone starts with, it's it time for no.2?!!

    My standard response now (despite trying casually to conceive - try properly later this year!).....

    .... What you think i'd sleep with him a second time after what happened the first time round?!! hehe
  • It really is bloody annoying!!

    i do find it tends to be the people with no kids or who have older kids!!!

    the other irritating thing is when you have one and you say we prob wont have another and they are like ooh you cant let lo be an only child thats really mean!! wtf !! if i only want one child then i will bloody well have 1 child!!!

    grrrr really got me going on this subject!! lol
  • Garfield that's what my hubby had too, he is fine now but had to have pretty strong treatment which may affect his swimmers, it's great to hear you conceived naturally afterwards gives me hope, your right though people just assume it will be just as easy the next time which we all just wish was true x
  • Sun-shine it makes me mad. They are even worse to a girl who got married last year they go on about her age (she's only 33) and keep saying she's denying her husband children!

    The looking fat thing really did upset me tho...I am only a size 8! I think it was cos my trousers were a bit tight as it was time of the month and my belly was bloated!
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