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Hubby dropped a bombshell :( *updated*
He says if we haven't been successful this month we should stop trying for a while. I'm so gutted, because i no we haven't done it this month, we only bd'd once this month and i think i ov'd becuase of pain/spotting, but if i did its dead early for me. He says i'm becoming too obssessed and working myself up, which is true but thats going to happen when ever we try, i'm never going to be easy going about something so important to me.
He says we don't have to use protection but i can't temp or use my cbfm (which is brand new, if he felt like this why did he let me get it) My recation was well if we're not using protection then thats still trying and he reakons its not because its letting nature take its course.
I don't want to have to nag him into ttc, but i can't believe he's saying this because he promised we'd start ttc properly after the wedding. It makes me so angry sometimes, he gets final say on everything, and i just have to stay quiet until he says its ok, i've made so many comprimises in our relationship and now he's taken away something so important.
Sorry to rant but i'm so upset and i have no one i can talk to ( don't really no what to do now. he knows how important being a mum is to me, Feel lost.
Just hoping on the mini chance i have a little bean this month
[Modified by: Nilo on 27 January 2010 20:35:22 ]
He says we don't have to use protection but i can't temp or use my cbfm (which is brand new, if he felt like this why did he let me get it) My recation was well if we're not using protection then thats still trying and he reakons its not because its letting nature take its course.
I don't want to have to nag him into ttc, but i can't believe he's saying this because he promised we'd start ttc properly after the wedding. It makes me so angry sometimes, he gets final say on everything, and i just have to stay quiet until he says its ok, i've made so many comprimises in our relationship and now he's taken away something so important.
Sorry to rant but i'm so upset and i have no one i can talk to ( don't really no what to do now. he knows how important being a mum is to me, Feel lost.
Just hoping on the mini chance i have a little bean this month
[Modified by: Nilo on 27 January 2010 20:35:22 ]
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Replies
This is a bit sneaky, but this is what I would do. Tell hubby you are going to chill out about the whole thing, but keep on charting and cbfm-ing anyway! Afterall where's the harm? The trick will be to not let on to him that you are fertile or anything, just make sure you have regular sex so he is none the wiser.
As I said, it's a bit sneaky and it might make you feel guilty, but surely thats better than ending up resenting him? It would make me feel guilty but then as you said, this is important stuff. I just don;t think men get it AT ALL!!
im sorry you are so sad honey, my husband did the same thing, we did have arguements untill he gave a 'date' on when we could start trying again.
x x x
Im sure he will be over the moon you being pregnant either way, but you still have to feel good in yourself too, he probably also thinks that if you chill about it, it might happen easier, but men dont understand everything about women's bodies only we do!! - he can't have the end say in everything either. You deserve to be a mum, so just keep that side of things to yourself. I do otherwise im sure my DH will end up resenting me lol...please dont be upset though xx
Sorry for such a long post, hope this makes u feel a little better xxx
I only used ov sticks for one month and found it so stressful, I really got wound up over it, so I chucked them.
I'm probably alone one here in thinking this, but I'm a great advocate of having loads of sex and chilling out about ttc.
The month I got my bfp that's exactly what we did - we had lots of sex around the right time of the month (I still noted ewcm and ov pains) and at other times of the month too. Because we were doing it when we wanted and not just for ttc purposes we had much more fun! No charting or anything like that.
I already have a son and we did it that way to conceive him too, so it's entirely possible to get your bfp without getting bogged down in the science of it all.
My DH doesn't like me being obessessed or doing anything un-natural or deliberate, he doesn't even like me on here. But I just keep it all quiet and if he wants to know anything he asks, doesn't happen v often!! I would like to share it all with him but he really doesn't need to know if I've got EWCM, just that we're having a baby!!
I'm tracking ov and AF in a diary and doing OPKs without telling him or else he would say no leave it to nature!!
And he won't even let me put my legs in the air after BD, he reckons if they can't get there of their own accord they're not good enough to make a baby!! Funny yet possibly true!
Sorry you're feeling so sad about this, but just let him think you've stopped it all and calmed down and just carry on as normal without him knowing and come talk to us about it on here so he doesn't have to know anything
Good luck xxx
I know I am sounding like a little spoilt brat! If my husband told me to stop OPKs and CBFM I would have a major strop and throw my toys out the pram!
If you dont feel confident to confront him then go with the sneaky route but would you want the consequences of him finding out and being angry? If TTC is so important then fight for what you want - okay maybe compromise if its only BDing and not just sex anymore but I wouldnt give up at all!
My first instinct was to say not to tell him and do it anyway, but if you couldn't keep it from him, then i'm with one of the previous posters and you might actually benefit from the reduced stress of tracking. You can still watch your body, but leave everything else to nature. As long as you make sure you're having regular sex then you're doing the most important bit anyhow. If nothing else, it's something different to try isn't it and as long as you approach it with a positive attitude and embrace it (rather than feel pushed into it and negative) it's worth a go.
We've been trying for 13 months and I have quite long cycles but this month we're taking a more relaxed approach and just bding when we fancy it... I am tracking temperature but this is the first month of doing that and my body has stopped giving me OV signs so I need one thing! Fingers crossed relaxed is a direct way to a BFP!
Good luck
Honestly, men have it so easy. They don't worry themselves about these things and they aren't making sure that babies get born! So wish I could be as free and easy about it as they are!!!
Anyway as it stands he's agreed i can use the cbfm and i said that i'd tell him when my highs and peaks are and he can decide if he wants to BD, but we'll just not use protection (think that thought scared him a little as its been a while since he's had too) guess thats the best comprimise for the time being and at least its not a total ban,
Now i just have to see if anything comes from this month and try and get over my fear of using the cbfm
Thanks for your replies, they really helped x
I think because we had set dates for having a break we were both a bit happier and he paid just as much attention to the CBFM as me - we were really lucky and I fell first month using it but I really think that supporting me in dealing with ttc how I wanted to (even though he genuinely thought I was losing my marbles) made me feel so much better, and in turn calmer.
I hope this makes sense and sorry again for gatecrashing!
Good luck
x x x