He changed his mind:(

Hi all. I have been off the pill now for 4 weeks as my husband told me to so that we could try for number 2. He wasn't keen on the idea but i told him that i didn't want Emma now 20 months to be an only child and also we always planned on having 2 children close together. I don't have regular periods with the pill so i know it will take a while for my body to get normal again-if it ever will! We are taking it easy as i got a little obsessive when trying for Emma and then when i was pregnant i was an emotional night mare as i had a missed miscarriage a few years ago so my husband is worried i'll get like that again but i'm pretty sure i won't be as now have a toddler to take my mind off things like that. The problem is this morning he told me that he doesn't want to have another child now even though i have been off the pill for almost a month and if i'm honest it broke my heart. I am very lucky to have my daughter and i'm sorry to all those trying for number 1 who thimk i'm just being selfish but i really don't want Emma to be an only child, both myself and my husband come from big families and i just don't understand him. He would rather buy a bigger tv than try for another baby. I love being a mum and as much i can't imagine loving another child as much as Emma i know i will and i know it will complete our family. The other problem is that once Emma is at school i know he won't try then because he'll want me to wrk more hours as i will be able to then. I haven't spoken to him about it as i'm scared about what he will say, i just don't know what to do, the thought of going back on the pill makes me sick and i know if i do number 2 will never happen. I'm sorry to moan but i am so upset, i was looking forward to having a brother or sister for Emma. Has anyone ahd a similar problem? xxx

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  • Hunni you are not selfish and you definately need to talk to your oh no matter how scary it is otherwise you will not be happy. He may not realise how important this is for you. Good luck xx
  • That sounds hard. But like Socks says, you're going to have to talk about it at some point. Perhaps worth biting the bullet now before going back on the pill?

    And Socks - we've all been thinking baout you xxx
  • he is playing xbox at the moment i'll try talking to him in bed-maybe!. Thanks for replying so quickly. Socks thinking of you. x
  • Thanks girls. I did reply on the other thread. It is amazing the support on this website. Hope you sort it out x
  • hi VikkiandEmma, i was in a similar situation to you, i have a daughter who will be 4 in october, when we had her i always said i wanted another as i didn`t want her to be an only child, i didn`t want another straight after she was born but some time in the future. unfortunately my daughter was not and sometimes still isnt a good sleeper and this put my husband off having another, he became adament that he didn`t want another baby, and this really upset me, but i was happy that i had one already and i loved my husband and had to respect his wishes too. So we just left the subject for a while and enjoyed life! Then one day a few months ago we started talking about it for some reason or other and he said he would like to have another, which was great cos i had always wanted another, so here we are!! Anyway to the point after all the waffling, i think it is best to let them decide when they feel the time is right to have another child, i am not saying it is all up to them, but pushing your other half into a situation he is not happy with isn`t gonna be good for anyone. The time has to feel right for both of you. The stronger your relationship the better! if he is uneasy about having another child then its gonna put a strain on your relationship which is no good for trying to concieve anyway!

    maybe give it a little more time, you don`t have to go back on your pill, you could just use condoms in the meantime as it is prob best if your cycles return to normal first anyway.

    I hope i haven`t waffled too much and have maybe helped a bit, chin up!

    xx
  • What a shitty situation, I really feel for you. Obviously you can't expect him to do something he doesn't want to, but I know exactly how gutted you must be feeling.
    All I can suggest is trying to talk to him and putting your acse forward as reasonably as possible - sometimes men need to have a plan fully formed and spelled out to them before they will commit to it.
    If he doesn't feel the time is right then you need to get some idea of when he will change his mind, if at all.
  • thanks for replying. I tried talking to him last night but he just said that i know what his answer is, i do repect his wishes but what makes me angry is that he was the one who told me to find out about what maternity leave i would receive as i have 2 part time jobs and then if we could live on it for 9 months then i could come off the pill and so i did just what he wanted and now after all that he has suddenly changed his mind and he also won't give me a straight answer he just says that i know what he thinks!!! Men! sorry to rant! I think i'll just drop it and do what he wants me to do-for a change! Thanks ladies for your help and advice. xxx
  • oh I know exactly how you're feeling, its so frustrating and as selfish as this sounds you feel like he gets the final decision!

    Me and my h2b talked about trying for no.2 last april I went to have coil removed but no luck, because of this oh changed his mind. I waited until sep 07 for him to agree again so I had coil removed but we didnt start trying properly until Nov. A few months ago he changed his mind again, he said its not the right time! Well when Is it ever the right time to have a baby? Anyway I was distraught, It was taking us long enough to concieve without him making it take longer. I stayed quiet about it for a while. Then mentioned it a month later and he was happy to carry on (well we never actually stopped having unprotected sex but we werent 'trying').
    We are STILL trying now. What im trying to say is just let the dust settle for a bit and he may change his mind. Let him know that the worst thing to do is go back on the pill as it will mess up your body again for when you do want to try again.
    Maybe you could suggest that you take no protection but dont actively TRY for a baby if that makes sense? And you could suggest the 'see what happens' attitude as men usually do. Good Luck hun xXxX

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  • i know what you mean. i have wanted another baby for 2 years but my now hubby wanted us to be married first,so we did.then 2 months befor the wedding he said, wait until the end of the year,which i said wasnt fair.i said that i was not planning on marrying someone who didnt want the same things in life as me. so we talked and agreed to start trying on wedding night but it happened to be a few nights before,which was his choice. we have only been trying for 2 months but the other night hubby said he wasnt sure again because of money ie, materinty pay. so again we talked and agreed that we would save as much as poss now and whilst pregnant,take a holiday break from morgage for 2 months and i will go back to work when baby is 3 months. this is ideal for me anyway as i only work mornings and can go and see baby during the day when he/she is with our parents. i know this isnt everyones idea of good but its what works for us.
    anyway let the dust settle and see what he says in a months time. our LO is 3 and hopefully wont be an only child much longer but im glad i only had her whilst she was 2 as i think it would have driven me made having 2 very younge children at the same time. image
  • Thanks so much ladies at least i know i'm not the only one in this situation. I'm very upset and we are hardly talking at the moment but i will do as you advice and let the dust settle and see how he feels later on in the year. The thing he has told me not to mention it again so i don't think he wants anymore at all which isn't easy to except as i don't want Emma to be an only child and i'm only 22 and to be told that i can't have anymore is very difficult.

    thanks again xxx
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