Nervous

Sorry, bit of a long rant. Have been off contraception for last 3 months, got married two weeks ago and got period today. So as of this cycle we are really going full steam ahead with ttc! Started with my CBFM today as my cycles are irregular, i work shifts, and husband works long hours. Want to make sure we're in with a chance and BDing at the right times.

Our next plan after the wedding is to put an extension on our little two bed semi. If I keep saving as i have been doing for the wedding we should only have to borrow 5000 or so from the bank and will be able to pay for all the stuff in the extension ourselves - eg furniture, bathroom suite,carpets etc. I think i would go insane in such a tiny house with a baby - our little bedroom is full of stuff i can't seem to fit anywhere else, so we definately need a third bedroom. We plan to put a little ensuite on this so there are two bathrooms, and plan to build another lounge downstairs (so our existing lounge can be a dining room).

Anyway, sorry not very exciting...will get to point. On our honeymoon husband suddenly annouces that maybe it won't put enough value on the house to be worth doing it. He wants to decorate our house, get an architect to have a look, apply for planning permission and then see. My dad leant us 25,000 deposit for the house with the view that we'd try to make some money on it to pay him a bit of this back. So my parents are not thrilled. Have discussed with my husband that houses always gain value in the end - the alternative is sitting tight and its too small for a family. even if we stay for a couple of years after we've done it, until the time is economically right to sell. he hasn't said no - hes just saying "we'll see". I feel really annoyed as we had the choice to have a bigger house, all done, and he went on and on about wanting a project. If we'd got something new with three beds we could have had a baby no problem!

My thoughts were that we'd be ttc at the same time as starting everything. I had a few miserable moments yesterday where i considered going back on the pill. I went for lunch with mum and sister who started telling me my life would be hell with a baby in our little house. No offense to anyone in a tiny place with a family - but our house really needs gutting too. At the moment it feels like a rented house to us, we need to make it ours. I thought that i could cope with a pregnancy while we did it, as long as by the time i gave birth it was more or less there. And we all know it can take ages to get pregnant - so we might even have it finished.

I have never mentioned having a baby to my family, but my husband is close to my brother in law and i know this is how its got across. Everyone will disapprove as my family seem to think im too young with nothing (we're 30 and 33!) and we do live in a crappy little semi that needs lots doing - but surely people live in worse than this and cope fine. Im going to organise architect this week and im sure husband will get all excited again. I know he wants a baby but sometimes the place feels too little even for us and he can be unrealistic.

I still haven't told my family anything about baby plans, but they could tell from the look on my face im torn. They're going to go crazy when i announce im pregannt, as if im a teenager or something. It feels extra deceitful using a CBFM to make it quicker - but the thought of now stopping and going back on contraception is miserable! Don't know what i want anyone to say really, just wanted to hear your thoughts x :roll:

Posts

  • Firstly (((big hugs))). Secondly its upto u when u want a baby not your parents. If u want one now u will make it work with the house. When u hold your baby nothing else will matter!
    Could u not just sell the house and buy one already done? Sure once your dad has a grandchild in his arms the 25000 won't matter as much.xxx
    Good luck with wot u decide.xxx
  • Hi hon,

    Congratulations on your wedding xx

    Just wanted to say we live in a 2 bed semi that is a bit of a project but we have a 1 year old and yes it would be nice to have a bit more space. We both have lots of stuff due to hobbies etc..inc outdoor gear, canoes etc...but we manage perfectly well. You just manage somehow hon, our ds doesn't care at the moment he is loved and ok so there isn't stacks of room for oodles of toys etc...but we take him to the park or grandparents ( they have lots of room to play!) I would love a bigger house but we are just saving, we still need a kitchen/bathroom for this place before we can sell. We are trying for baby no 2 and yes it will be a squeeze and if we have a girl then it may cause a few problems but we will manage!

    Once your parents hold their grandchild they will forget everything else!!!
  • ah thanks ladies! Its so lovely you are both so positive about being a mum, loving your baby and nothing else really mattering. I've waited so long for a baby part of me thinks whats a bit longer, but after waiting this long for wedding, house etc, I always knew this would be the point where we could really get ttc and its awful to think of doing anything else. To be honest, as much as i love my husband and want a life with him, the wedding and the house have, for both of us, been about getting secure to have a baby. We are both so broody. I think its more the worry that if we have the baby prior to the house we will never do it. I can't even imagine coping with a baby let alone doing it alongside building work. Husband always seems knackered as it is, just with the pressure of work, no baby or extension in sight yet!

    Nic, we did look at houses all done and bigger ones, as we could have had a bigger mortgage. As husband wanted to do somewhere up so much we borrowed less money than we could have done and agreed to spend the remainder on an extension. Am so annoyed now as wish we'd just had a lovely modern barretts home or something, yes, money would be tighter but then we wouldn't have to embark on any building work!!

    Husband says that even if we dont extend we will still decorate everywhere, new carpets, etc and i guess as much of the loft is empty we will have to move things up there. I might find the idea of a baby in a tiny semi a better idea if it was a nicer, tiny semi! I just know that having a baby is so important, i can't go back on it. I know its not old and lots of people would feel happy waiting years yet, but i never thought i would not already be a mum at 30. And when you think your fertility drops off massively at 35, if we want 3 kids (and the option would be nice, even though we probably won't) I certainly don't want to wait a lot longer. I hope you're right about the grandparents getting over it!
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