Gutted :cry: (tmi?)

i tried to make love to my oh last night (as its around that time of the month ) and just as i was about there he said...........
"come on, hurry up, its almost half eleven" (he gets up at half 6 for work)
Of course that was a major turn off, and he was upset that i didnt want to continue having sex. image
So now i know having sex with me is a chore. :cry: :cry:
he didnt even kiss me goodbye this morning when he went to work.
He did make me a brew and apologise when he came home briefly about 9am, but I'm still left feeling unattractive, undesirable, and like its all a chore. :cry:
It had been just over a fortnight since we'd had sex on friday, so i told him he had to get upstairs and he said can we not leave it till later .. (knowing that by the end of the night were both too tired to bother)

How are we supposed to have a love life let alone make a baby when i now worry about having sex because he might not want it????

:cry: :cry: :cry:


  • well if it makes you feel any better had a similar situation last night, oh came to bed after late night at work he put tv on bed and i rolled over to start proceedings as it were and i got 'no not tonight i am knackered' it does make you feel kinda awkward doesnt it, i know exactly how you feel xx
  • Yeah its not nice when your 'up for it' and the OH is keen on watching tv instead!! i think its hard sometimes to just enjoy having sex rather than concentrating on TTC only. Keep your chins up ladies, im sure our OH's will pounce on us at somepoint.... hehe
  • should be some sort of perfume we can buy to make us irresistable xxx
  • i know - but we were in the middle - almost to the crunch point....... it was so upsetting.
    I usually get the "I'm knackered" all the time(which in truth he, or I usually am because we both work and have Ollie to look after), so the fact that i'd got him to agree to it was great....
    He never makes the first move, its always me that instigates it, even when he's suggested it he doesnt start anything.
  • oh s.y. i know what its like both working i have 3 children already too, cheer up hun x
  • Hi honey i am so sorry you feel this way , my sex life with my hubby has been all over the place for two years now. He is never really up for it and it was always me starting things. He even went to see somebody which changed things for a bit but they are just the same now. I mean I am lucky as now we are trying he is always up for doing it but thats because we want a baby. I am very sure that if we were not trying we would not be having so much sex.

    For me though it's changed so much though i use to love sex and now I never feel in the mood as it's become only to make a baby.

    I would say sit down with him and tell him how that comment made you feel. The biggest thing is to talk to one another I talk all the time with OH and things are getting better, I would say he was tired and maybe feels it;s just for making a baby though he could of said it a lot better.

    Big hugs

    K xx
  • Hi SY, (((big hugs hun))). You must be feeling like crap. You need to sit down with hubby tonight and tell him exactly how hurt his words made you feel. How would he have felt if you had said that to him just b4 the crucial moment?!

    Im sure he in no way meant to hurt you, or make you feel undesirable etc, maybe the pressures of work, caring for a lo and ttc have got to him a bit, and as men really cant handle their emotions or feelings too well, he just blundered in with foot firmly in mouth!

    Obviously I dont know your background or anything, so I dont know what other pressures may be a factor, but I do know that if you dont tell him how he hurt you and how you are feeling now, then things will just get a whole lot worse. The resentment will fester and eat away at your relationship.

    Good luck hunny, really hope you can sort this out and start to feel closer soon xxxx
  • i know exactly how you feel. mines the same. he never starts anything and makes me feel rubbish when i say we have to bd cos its the right time. even when its not the right time of the month hes still the same.
    tell him exactly how it makes you feel when he says stuff like that. i did to mine last night because it was playing on my mind. the more i was thinking about it the more it was winding me up. it was making me feel like he wasn't attracted to me anymore. he did apologise and said he never realised. (do men ever) i don't think he understands how hard it is to conceive. hes been desperate for a baby since before we got married but i wanted to wait but he thinks we can just have sex once and thats it job done.
    i thought men were the ones who were supposed to think about sex all the time and moan there wives don't want it. lol its like getting blood out of a stone with my hubby.
  • I would say one thing though girls that OH told me. He said he finds he wants it more when I am playing hard to get, the thing is I hand it to him on a plate everytime so he never has time to want it it you know?

    I mean I know now it's hard as we are trying to there are times we know we have to do it but if we are just looking at a normal sex life then that is what he said.

    k XX
  • Guys I know its hard, but I think you need to put some sparkle and romance back - try and make it more about the two of you, and less about making a baby.
  • gemsy - i have tried that for the last 3 months after the mc in march, so were not focusing on ttc, he has no idea when i ov because i dont tell him, and because i dont test for it anymore. it was sex for sex's sake as far as he knew.

    The amount of sex we have these days has dwindled to practically nothing, when my sex drive used to be sky high.

    I've tried playing hard to get, but it doesnt make any difference, because he never instigates anything anyway. He didnt even realise it had been that long since we'd had sex, and when i told him his response was "oh well".
    He used to have a high sex drive as well, and used to try to start things before we had ollie. :roll:

    We didnt take much notice of ttc last month and as a result had sex maybe about 2 times..... but this will prob be our last month of trying before we give up and settle for what we have. (and no it wont happen then because i would be goin on the injection, i'm sick to death of afs!)

    I dont have a high view of myself since Ollie was born, and am struggling to get rid of the baby belly and especially the overhang, and OH has openly admitted that it doesnt look very attractive. I went from a size 8 to a current size 14/16, but i'm only 5ft tall so i look really really big.

    We leave Ollie at nans house occasionally to have time just the two of us, but then we usually flake out from exhaustion, before any mention of sex.

    Cant really talk much for the next few days, I've got friends coming round this aft and evening, and also got my sister here for a couple of days. :roll: So no talking and no sex either. :cry:

    To top it all off this weekend my MIL suggested we should get rid of our dog! image Thats another story tho, but i hate her for saying it.

  • hey my partner is the same. he says its because its seems all planned everytime we do it and that it is like a chore. i suppose 2 them all we want them for at the mo is their baby juice! they hav the easy part!!
  • Hi all. I don't have exactly the same problem, as my OH hardly ever says no to a bd! But he does work nights and is tired a lot of the time.

    I can't believe I'm about to share this.....but I hope it helps! My OH went out a few months ago and bought me some Ann Summers lingerie. Not the trashy kind, but stuff he liked, and would have liked to see me in. I don't have to put it on everytime, but sometimes if he hasn't had a lot of sleep, or we have time restraints for one reason or another, it works! I'm not saying I like everything he chose. But it seems a small price to pay, to get him "in the mood". After all it's him that needs to enjoy it more...if you know what I mean! *blush*

    We do plan when to bd, and my OH doesn't like that part of it either. xx
  • You know sometimes men can be so bloody insensitive! My OH is the same. Anyway, couldn't you just sit him down and explain to him that your needs are important, too. Maybe say that you want to enjoy bding, YOU don't want to make it feel like a chore, but it is HE that is making it seem that way by insisting you hurry your pleasure!! Just say how offended and unattractive it made you feel. I mean, how would he like it if he was about to come, and you said: "can you please hurry up, I need to watch Eastenders!" He wouldn't be a happy bunny, I'm sure. I'm sure that it's not about you hunny, maybe he was just being a plonker, like all men can be. Hope you manage to get things sorted. xx
  • i think all men hate the "right, its time to bd im ovulating phase" cause my hubbys the same as someone said on here its always best when i play hard to get-dont know why and pretend i dont feel like bdin that usually works but whenever i really really want to (and i dont just mean ovulating i mean when im in the mood) and make the first move he hardly ever wants to and i feel like s* too! lol its so dificult this ttc business i want to put some spark back into it too xxxxx
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