Husbands??who needs em!

Just had the most appalling conversation/ argument with my husband. He wants to stop concentrating on TRYING for a baby and to just wait and see what happens. I asked him to bd with me last night and he didnt want to. When i just had it out with him as to the reason he said that although he wants another baby sometimes he cant be bothered to bd and that i am taking it too seriously. He then said that he doesnt care if it takes another six months or longer. I know this doesnt mean that we stop ttc BUT i am so broody and want it to happen - like the majority of you on here. I feel like its a kick in teeth because he hasnt wanted to know about ovulation time, AF's or planning to BD. If we dont plan it a little it could take months to fall pregnant. I feel gutted.!
Nobody actually needs to reply to this - its just that i needed to rant a little. Thanks everyone for being on here! x

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  • hey hun
    you rant as much as you like - it is what we are all here for!
    sorry to hear about your conversation with your hubby. MEN!! hmmm. i don't think they realise what ttc/babies etc mean to us. that when we want to get pg, we want to get pg now and that is all we can think about.
    I had a mc 3 weeks ago and hubby wants to us to be a bit more "relaxed" about ttc.... ie he says i shouldn't bother with ov sticks etc, we should just make love etc when we want. fair enough but i just won't talk about it to him. i will POAS in secret!! and try to seduce him at the optimum times without talking about ttc (if that is possible!).

    maybe it is all too much pressure on the men!! they can;t handle the pressure like we can!

    big hugs hun, you hang in there. xxx
  • hi,i know what you mean. i dont say anything to dh about af's,bd'ing or ov because i think to them it makes them feel that we only want to do it so we get a bfp and to them,even tho they wont admit it,it isnt "just sex". my dh probably has no idea about ov or anything like that and we just bd all month thro if we are not too tried this way he doesnt know when its an important time and we are both more relaxed.i hope im making sense. maybe your dh was just trying to relax you coz as we all know,getting stressed will not help get that bfp.
    hope you are feeling ok x
  • yeah - think you are both right. They dont know how much it means to us and to be told that it could take months is devastating! It might not take months either - but we all want to optimise our chances dont we? I shall have to try and seduce him at optimum times - but mine is tuesday/ weds/ thursday this week and now i think he will not want to bd out of principle!!

    I suppose i will have to let it happen spontaneously but personally i think my husband is just too lazy to put the effort in! Thanks ladies!

    Mrs_e - sorry to hear about mc, if anything you will want it to happen more and more and to take a step back like your husband is suggesting must be heart wrenching because then it may seem like you are losing hope!! Goodluck x
    iwantanotherpls - goodluck with your sly seduction techniques. let me know any good tips to make it seem spontaneous! x
  • well shhhh but mine was that i needed to do bd tonight so i tried to suduce him since 3 days ago with me knowing sperm lives 3-5 days and knowing i should be ov today/2moro. so he didnt feel like it for 2 days,no big-y,but men cant resist for that long,can they! so be today he had given into temptation(to say the least,sorry tmi) and we got bd'ing. he doesnt know its important time and we have doubled our chances!! if he had given in 2 days ago he would have just thought my sex drive had gone through the roof,lol. take it easy and try and relax,think ahead and dont do what i done last month and get upset when he doesnt want to bd because like i found out,that only upsets your dh as he then thinks he has upset you when all he really wants to do is get some sleep because he really is tired,lol!
    its not that i dont want to talk to dh about it,its just that ive only just understood it myself and i get quite embarrassed about things like af's ect when talking to dh,silly-yes,but its just me.
    if it gets to months without any sign of getting bfp then we will have to talk about what we are going to do,but like someone told me earlier,just enjoy it!
  • Yeah thanks. i also have never talked to my dh about ovulation, af et avan when we were trying for our first child. But i have just tried to bring the subject up a little and he evades the comments i make altogether because he thinks its all a bit gross!!\anyway - you have a good mode of attack so good on you ! Wont be long until bfp!x
  • it makes us seem to sneaky! I have to do the same just trying to seduce him but not telling him why else he would resist as its 'too clinical!' well it has to be! Its such a small window of opportunity!
  • Hi, your probably not going to like what I say but I have seen the negative effect of ttc can have on a man as well as the woman so I want to help if I can. I know that when your heart is set on a baby and all you can think about is a baby it can take over your whole life and you may not even be aware of it. Every thought can be about what you can do to improve conception, charting etc. I know because I have been there and it was getting to the point where me and DH were both in a RUT about trying to conceive. To put in a nutshell sex became about making a baby, timing the sex to make a baby, taking about making a baby! 24/7 the main conversation would always revert around baby baby baby! and the more I went on about it the more DH backed away and the more I got depressed about it not happening! It went on quite a few mnths like this and we were both so stressed by the time it came to that important time that we never B'D. I eventually realised that I married my DH because I Iove him not because I want a baby. A baby should happen out of the love that 2 people have. I was treating him like a baby machine and planning sex, lets face it theres nothing sexy about that from a mans point of view. He wasn't turned on so sex hardly happened. Maybe your OH is trying to say the same to you but maybe it's not coming over as well as it could. I always thought that I had to talk to my DH about ttc so that hopefully he knew that it was a priority to get pregnant!!!! Wrong wrong wrong, just because you don't talk about it all the time doesn't mean that it won't happen. I have changed my whole attitude towards baby making now, I hardly ever mention it now and because of that my DH has recognised this and because I have taken the pressure off him we are having sex loads more now and enjoying having fun. I have even stopped telling him my exact fertile dates and just saying it's this week or next week and he normally asks me. You will probably find that If you can do the same you will probably get caught alot quicker because you will be both happier in yourselves. Try it for a week and see if you OH notices.
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