Never thought I'd have this problem!

KatRob1980 · Nov 30, 2011 6:20AM

Hiya ladies,

Been the most awful weekend, not stopped crying and I know I'm being rediculous. I've been using my CBFM and got my peak on Friday. I was over the moon, so excited at what could happen! Told DH and he said that he thought baby making was meant to be fun and not regimented so we missed it. It was his idea to TTC and his to buy the damn monitor in the first place. He's also injecting hormones to help boost his sperm count, so you think that he would be as excited as I was. He said that people managed for years without this stuff to TTC, so why shouldn't we.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with my emotions and don't want to scare DH but I really don't know how to tell him how I feel with it seeming to be putting more pressure on him. So fed up

xx

carioke · Nov 27, 2011 9:01AM

hi Katrob, sorry to hear you've had a rough weekend. Emotions must be all over the place.

If your hubby is anything like mine maybe reality has set in and he's petrified about the whole baby thing! my hubby said to me last week "are we actually trying for a baby or are we just going see what happens?!!!"

I've bought some OV sticks but not told him as I don't want to put any pressure on him because I want it to happen ASAP!

hope you sort things out soon xx

BryonyMcM · Nov 27, 2011 9:03AM

I am in the same boat this month although I don't have a cbfm I have been using opk's without telling my hubby as I know he already feels like a machine. So I got my +opk and tried to initiate bd with my hubby only for him to tell me he's too tired and that I'm only 6 days into my cycle so we will bd next week....i was cd12...!!

We only bd'ed 3 days before ov so I will be very surprised if I get my bfp this month

I'm not sure what the solution is but you definitely need to talk with your dh. xx

andi30xx · Nov 27, 2011 12:14PM

From being on this site, I think alot of the hubbies can feel that way. I dont doubt that my hubs really wants a baby, i have had tears aswell when I thought he wasnt as interested. I really dont think they like the idea of moniters, ov sticks, temping, vitamins etc etc.. I thought baby making would be fun aswell to start with, but as the months pass I get more and more concerned and buy more things to 'help' and he thinks im being silly as he says 'it'll happen when it happens'.

My husband knows I buy ov sticks, but i dont really discuss them, and he even asked me the other day if I was still using them! I feel its better that way. And Ive got this fantastic site to discuss the more 'technical' side to ttc.

Talk to your hubby about it, but remember we are all here for a chat about ttc anytime!

vickykenny1 · Nov 27, 2011 2:13PM

Hi KatRob sorry to hear u have had a rubbish few days. We have been ttc now for 9 months n nothing its so frustrating. My OH knows I am using the CBFM but never shows any interest or asks when I am ov which annoys me. He is so laid back, I often wonder whether he defo wants children where as I am obsessed with baby making!! I did get him to take some vitamins for a couple of months but then he started making excuses and stopped taking them which peeved me off.

How long have u been trying for? Have yous been tested is that why your DH is having injections? I am considering raising the subject of going the docs with my OH as nothign is happening and I am convinced one of us has a problem. I never knew ttc would be so stressful, the ones that get caught r so lucky!!

x x x

Apricotmoon · Nov 28, 2011 4:02AM

I'm sorry you had a tough weekend and ttc can be a very emotional time. With our first we weren't trying so I never had to think about ovulation or anything. This time we are planning and ttc this month so just bd every other day - my husband gets moved asap so I can put a pillow under my hips straight after but he understands why I am doing it....and lets face it he is getting loads of baby making time with me so he really has nothing to complain about. I hope you and your husband get on the same wavelength soon - you should talk to him and let him know how you feel.x

SheffieldYrose20118 · Nov 28, 2011 5:24AM

Hiya,

When we were TTC I was very concious of not maing my hubby feel like a baby making machine.

Despite me being a women obsessed! I did the OPKs and timed our bd to fit with this.

He was aware I used these but we didnt go on about it, also when we bd I made it very much about us rather then only to get a baby...

There is a scene in scrubs where one of the main characters is TTC with her hubby and he walked in on her attached to a machine surrounded by other ov testing stuff and he was freaked out and argued he was not her toy... maybe only a joke but I think it important we dont get obsessed by it all.

Dont get me wrong I was a women obsessed when we were ttc but I did my obsessing on here with these lovely ladies

who all relate to what we are feeling and can other valuable support.

As long as both you and hubby want this leave the science to the girls and let the bd experience be fun for your hubby! that way you are more likely to get more from him!

Good luck xxx

MrsS1981 · Nov 28, 2011 5:32AM

Hi KatRob, sorry to hear of your emotional weekend

I think hubby's sometimes feel that they are to perform on demand when us women decide to OV and that can no doubt put pressure on them. Definitely best to talk about things though if you can.

And of course this site is good to know you're not alone

xx

MrsKirbz · Nov 28, 2011 12:48PM

Hi Katrob, so sorry to hear about your probs with DH. You are not alone! DH is exactly the same, on a few occasions I've mentioned babies and getting pregnant before BDing and it puts him right off! Its not that he doesn't want a baby but like a lot of hubbies out there, the clinical side of things seems to really put him off. I don't think they like the pressure so I've quickly realised to come on here and voice my concerns but generally keep quiet around DH otherwise he won't cooperate at all! Its so weird that we can't talk to our husbands/partners or close friends but we can come on here and talk really frankly, I'm so glad I've found this site! Big hugs and I hope you sort things out soon.x

sophie_zaki · Nov 28, 2011 3:04PM

I definitely think its pretty much most men that just don't want to obsess about TTC..

My DH certainly doesnt like all of the technical stuff- i dont monitor temps/use opks/etc cos i know i'd just go mad lol

I definitely find that coming on here to talk about feelings helps massively and allows me to stop irritating DH about it all lol

Maybe your DH feels like he's letting you down? Like hes having to do injections and feels like he's under pressure to perform? IDK but maybe try calmly having a chat about it- letting him know that you dont see him as a machine and that you just want to make sure ur both on the same page..

Try just bein romantic/initiating sex when u find out ur ovulating so he doesnt think anything of it?

Hope you're feeling better and FC you get your BFP soon x

oscar2 · Nov 28, 2011 3:58PM

ah katrob im sorry, i know how you feel. I bought CBFM when ttc, i told oh after id done it lol. He didnt like the technical side of it all. Sometimes i really felt i was twisting his arm to do it over those peaks and it did feel clinical. but it felt the same to me! Just needs must! We didnt have fertility problems but i just felt once we'd made the decision i wanted the best chance possible every cycle. Its a big deal for both of you, but its a bigger deal for you - the prospect of just about the biggest thing that could ever happen to you.

I actually think its a tiny bit mean of your OH to want you to use it then let the peak go without BDing. I understand he might have some feelings surrounding the problems he's had and the pressure he's under, but he'd be better talking to you about that rather than blaming you for obsessing if thats the case. From what i remember there are two peak days and its still worth bding a couple of days after that,maybe it might still be worth BDing now?

I can't recommend cbfm enough, i had long irregular cycles but after 3 peaks we did get pregnant. I would never have known when it was happening otherwise. Our little boy is 3 and a half months now and gorgeus x

KatRob1980 · Nov 28, 2011 4:38PM

thank you everyone, you have all managed to make me feel soooo much better. I guess i was just expecting him to be as excited about OVing as I was. still, we live and learn. only been ttc for 3 months so i've still got a lot of learning to do. i will be back to vent my frustrations again soon, i'm sure.

again, thank you all for making me feel like a normal person again - i'd buy you all a drink if i could xxx

wol · Nov 28, 2011 6:19PM

I'm curious. What injections is your oh having to help ttc? It sounds quite extreme if you've only been ttc for 3 months.

KatRob1980 · Nov 29, 2011 2:58PM

He's got a low count due to an op in his 20s that cut a tube by mistake so he's only firing with half a cannon. he's injecting with testosterone twice a week, but only a tiny dose. apparently boosts his count by a whopping 10%. He kept it a secret from me for months - been doing this since before the wedding! but he was really embarrassed when i found out and even denied that it was his stuff (like it's going to be mine!!) he said he's only doing it to try and increase our chances but won't bd at the vital time. so frustrating! xx

oscar2 · Nov 29, 2011 5:41PM

was just thinking katrob your OH obviously feels a bit embarassed about it all (and clearly wants a baby very much or else wouldnt be doing the injections, asking you to use cbfm, etc) psychology affects men when having sex a lot and maybe it was all too much pressure - maybe next time you get a peak dont tell him, just be very romantic and seduce him! Thats what i did (although was always too excited afterwards not to tell OH we were in with a chance lol)

hope it happens for you both soon x

wibblewobble1 · Nov 29, 2011 6:46PM

Hey I read an article that said injecting testosterone can actually make fertility worse http://www.drmalpani.com/male_infertility_treatment.htm

thats a link to one but there are loads more articles that say simular

KatRob1980 · Nov 30, 2011 4:26AM

thanks wobble, but it was his dr who prescribed it for him. he only has a couple of ml a time - anymore and you're in the anabolic steriod terretory (he's a body builder, so when i found the testosterone, that's what i thought he was using it for!)

I guess he could be embarrassed, I never thought is it like that. I will just have to act normal and just tell you ladies when i get my peak!

MrsS1981 · Nov 30, 2011 5:33AM

I can imagine he'd be a bit embarrassed about it which is shame, it's all about male pride and all that, it's what he's supposed to do for his woman, etc, etc.

Good thinking to just chat about it on here though, I do talk to hubby about it but I don't want to bore him too much so it's good to get a fix on here

x

Vickster77b · Nov 30, 2011 6:20AM

I think its most def a male pride problem KatRob x

My hubs has just recently found out he's got a low sperm count as well as problems with the quality of them and he's found it very difficult to deal with! His male pride has definitley taken a blow and he's far more sensitive when AF rare's her ugly head and feels like he's failing me each month!

We've also fallen out over timing of BD'ing, so I just try and keep to every other day, so he doesn't notice when my Peak is anymore. But I'd definitley take the softly/softly approach with him and don't tell him when it's your Peak just try good old seduction tactics, so he thinks its more about wanting him than his sperm!

Good luck hun, its hard times when they hide their feelings about all this x

Never thought I'd have this problem!

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