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Scared, but want to TTC as soon as possible

Flee24Flee24
in Trying to conceive

Hi all

I'm new on here - but wanted to share and get some support regarding my situation in the hope that I can post something positive back in return!

I was taken into hospital last Sunday at 28w + 2, at around 9am - not thinking for a second that I would have had my baby boy at 6.10pm that evening.  Sadly on Monday night we were called at just after midnight and asked to come to the hospital, even though he was doing well and was 2lb 9.8oz and pink/looking strong - he had a bleed that they did not expect and he passed away in our arms at 4.38am on Tuesday morning.

It has taken me a long time to even want a baby, I've always been pretty anti babies - but now that I've been able to hold my baby I know that we have to try again - I know that its the right thing to do and I just wanted to see how quickly everyone tried again after they went through this horrible time?

I dont want to forget my baby, and I dont want to replace him - if anything, he's given me more in the 2 days that we go to spend with him than I could ever have imagined - he's stopped me feeling scared/nervous to hold a baby, which I did before he was here and he's made me maternal, and again that was something that I kind of struggled with.  But what I do want, is to be able to have the same feeling again, that I did when I held him for the first time.

My midwife has told me to wait for a minimum of 3 periods.  She has also told me about the cervical stitch that I've seen mentioned on here, just in case I have a weak cervix.  There are other options, but we havent fully discussed all as I have another appointment tomorrow with the bereavement midwife to talk things through.

What did you all do for waiting to TTC again?

And I dont want to be terrified the whole way through the pg - but not sure how I'll get through the time without it playing on my mind constantly. How do you cope wiht such a stress....something I dont want to put onto our unborn baby.

I'm also not looking forward to going back to work as I'll need to tell loads of people externally why I'm back.  Most of my colleagues know, and they have been amazing - its not that part I'm worried about.  So many things running through my head, just can't believe it's happened to me.

I'm coping fairly well at the moment, I really dont know where the strength is coming from but I know the funeral is going to be horrible, and I'm dreading Christmas as he was due on 21st December.....I'm lucky to have amazing friends, family and my husband to keep me sane.

Any kind of advice you could give me would be wonderful.

Thanks for listening, and sorry for the long first post.

Ann-Marie x

Replies

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    Anna1981Anna1981
    Ann-Marie, didn't want to read and run. I am so sorry for your loss, what a terrible and cruel thing to happen. My heart aches for you.



    Hope you get the support you need on here.



    I don't know much about grief except that it takes people much longer than they think to go through the grieving process. Don't rush yourself, talk to your hubby - he's the only one who really understands and follow the advice of your doctors, midwife, nurses etc.



    I'm so happy you got that precious time with your wee boy. You'll never forget him, he'll always be your first baby. Don't feel guilty about wanting to TTc again so soon.



    Anyway, I've not experienced the pain that you have so I am not really in a position to offer advice or anything. But you are in my thoughts and prayers xxxx
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    Flee24Flee24

    Thanks Froggy123.  My husband and I have spoken and he feels the exact same as I do with wanting to try again straight away.  I will listen to the doctor / midwife as I want to give our 2nd baby all the chance in the world to have a better chance of making into our world for longer than Dexter did. I will do whatever it takes and whatever they want me to, that is a given.

    I'll never forget my wee guy for sure, he was with me for way more than the 2 days in the outside world - and he gave me a good few scares before he made his appearance, all that will never leave me, but he also made me smile lots - even when he kept me awake kicking all night. image

    We're speaking to the bereavement midwife today to start making arrangements for Dexter's funeral, and I think that will help me as I'm feeling bit in limbo which is making me feel frustrated and like I can't move forward until we sort this part out.

    I hope that I am blessed with the same luck of conceiving this time round, as we were only trying for a short time the first time.

    I'd like to update my journey on here to hopefully share some good news with everyone at some point.

    x

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    MoominmummyMoominmummy
    Ann-Marie, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. My situation is very different in that I lost my second boy in April this year, he was nearly one. I'm so glad you got to spend a couple of days with your little boy, the good memories are what really keeps me going. I would speak to your midwife to understand why she thinks it's a good idea to wait three months before you try again. It's different to everybody and you have to trust your instincts, as long as both you and your partner want to try again then I would do so as soon as you get the go-ahead. I have a friend who had a baby stillborn last year, she now has another beautiful little boy. She became pregnant two months after her first little boy was born, the way she put it was that she wasn't trying to replace him but she still had all that love she wanted to give to her baby and she wanted another baby to shower all that love on. For me, we already have another gorgeous little boy who's 3 but I also wanted to start trying again very soon after Owen died. I did get pregnant in June but sadly I had a miscarriage in July. It hit me really really hard and it made me wonder if I was really ready to start again. We decided to have a month off and then try again but so far no luck. It's a really tough journey and I know if we do get pregnant that's only the start of another difficult journey. For us, our little Owen died because of a genetic disorder, and although neither my husband nor I carry that mutation, there is a risk still that it could happen again. That is what terrifies me the most, particularly as my husband would be keen to have it tested in pregnancy and potentially terminate the pregnancy if the baby is not well. But I guess that's a bridge we'll cross when we get to it. In the meantime if there's anything I can do to help with the funeral arrangements, in terms of poems, music etc please feel free to ask. It's something no parent should ever have to go through.

    Anna x
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    Flee24Flee24

    Hi Moominmummy

    Feels like so long ago that I posted on here - and hadnt even realised that you'd responded, so sorry.

    Dexter's funeral has came and went - a hard day but it was a lovely as it could be image

    With regards to my midwife - she wanted me to have 2 or 3 periods to make sure everything was working the way it should and to give me time to recover from the birth, get some folic acid into me and just generally feel better and be in a better condition to hopefully carry to full term next time round.

    I have my consultants meeting today at 2pm, but not really sure what I should be asking but hope that she'll be able to give me good advice as to where we go next.

    I feel stronger every day, and don't feel down most of the time - going back to work on Tuesday will give me a focus as I'm wasting my days at home, I'd rather be at work and appreciating the time at home with my husband, just now I'm fed up of being here whilst he's back at work (went back part time this week)

    I think for ttc - you and I just have to take it each day as it comes, if we're lucky enough to fall pregnant again lets keep everything crossed for each other that we get a lucky break soon.  

    Good luck!

    Ann-Marie image

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    Flee24Flee24

    Hi all

    I just wanted to update - tomorrow is the wee man's due date, and I'm pleased to say that he's sent me my rainbow baby - I'm 5 weeks pregnant, terrified, excited, sad and every other emotion that you can imagine.  We'll mark his day by letting off chinese lanterns on the beach tomorrow after we've visited him in the morning.

    There's not a day that goes by that I dont think of him. image

    I'm in shock that we've fallen pg the first month of trying (was told by mw we could try after one period after she initially said 3) - lets hope this little bean sticks around long enough for him/her to be ready to face this big bad world.

    To all that have gone through the heartache that I have found myself in - there is hope for us all - and lets pray for this little bean to come home with me at the end of August image

    Take care

    Ann-Marie x

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    RachelandBabiesRachelandBabies

    Hello, having been through my own heartache recently and having read this thread I would really like to hear from you? how did your pregnancy go? how is life now? I hope you had your happy ending.

    xx

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    Gen3Gen3

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