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Wanting to start a family

I think something strange happened to my initial post here and I can't work out why (somehow I can't view it - I don't know if you can) so let me just say it again.



I have been with my partner for 7 1/2 years since we met when we were 16 and now I would like to start trying to build our family together. We have spoken about having children in the past although I think he wants them in the distant future rather than now, as I do. He seems to think that we are not "financially stable" for a baby but, I fear, he never will think we are after seeing how "spoilt" his nephew has been.



About a year ago I was made redundant and have struggled to find work since, bumping up our income here and there making crafts, whilst he works with his dad and, IMO, is paid pretty poorly for his work. But his boss being his dad proves difficult for asking for a pay rise. I know it is not ideal but we would genuinely be much better off with him continuing to work and getting tax credits.



I'm painting a bleak picture here but we're not really that bad in terms of finances. We have a mortgage on our flat, a couple of grand in savings and this year we got a rescue dog. We may not be able to afford the luxuries he wants but it's not all doom and gloom. He seems to be under the impression that babies NEED to cost thousands of pounds and must have all the most expensive things and the coolest gadgets. I come from a big family where money was tight but we never felt poor whereas he comes from a family of four that was flush with cash. After seeing how his sister and family gave his nephew everything under the sun, I think he thinks we'd have to do the same.



Is anyone else in a similar situation? How can I make him see that it is completely conceivable to start trying for a baby now whilst making sure he doesn't feel trapped and pressured?



Sorry for the long rant just needed to get it out somewhere!

Replies

  • Hi chick, i am in a similar predicament to yourself. Although, we are both still living at home whilst saving for a mortage! 
    I found trying to convince him into it made him worse. He was stubborn about it, and it made us argue alot! I was pushing him and he didnt like it. 

    Is there anybody you are close to having a baby soon? BEcause this seems to have helped my partner come around to the idea. and think..'well actually, if they can do it...i know we deffinatley can!'

    try not to push him too much hun. Easier said than done...believe me i know.

    xxxxx
     

  • Hi LynAnne

    I have been with my hubby for 9 years now. We wanted a baby when I turned 18 but sense prevailed and off I trotted to Uni. A degree and postgrad later I landed what I thought was my perfect job - lost it after a year in Nov 2012. Got another job in Nov 2010. Made redundant from that job April 2012. Got another job and left for a new job in June 2012. Each time we have decided to try for a baby, he says the same as your partner - about stability etc. This time round, we are married, have a house of our own, car, money in the bank and both have good jobs. Come June I am throwing cauition to the wind and we're going to start trying.

    Everyone is different, especially men when it comes to babies. Until we were married I felt like it was only me that wanted  abbay as hubby rarely spoke about it and when i raised to topic he'd change the subject. Now he openly talks about it like when I see babies on tv etc and comment about this is how ours will be.

    Just talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. I know my hubby didnt understand until I broke down and said all I want in life now is his baby.

    Like my mother-in-law says, there's never a good time to have a baby.

    Good luck x

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