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Baby or better job....?
Hi ladies, I'm just looking for your thoughts on this, I'm just going to write down everything that's on my mind, so excuse the rambling! I've been desperate to start TTCing for years, and even my hubby's broody now! But there's always something which has stopped us trying, whether it be wanting to move, pay off debt, etc etc, all the usual things! I'm currently in a job which I don't really enjoy, and really want to find something better suited to me and semi-related to my degree. So I guess the bottom line is would you put off TTCing until you'd found a better job, or just throw caution to the wind and do it anyway? I have a bit of a tendency to over think things and this as you can imagine is a biggie! So the things running through my head at the moment are, should we put off trying until I find a better job, would I then need to wait until I'd been in the new job long enough to get a decent maternity package, should I just stay in this job as my priorities would undoubtedly change once the wee one was here anyway? I know if I was to fall pregnant, none of this would even matter, but while I'm not I still have so much to think about! Sorry for going on, I guess I could just do with some impartial advice! Thanks! Diane xxx
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Hi, you dont say how old you are but my advice to anyone after my experiences would always be to start trying now. You never expect to have problems falling pregnant and hopefully you will be lucky but if there is a problem, it can take years to get to the IVF stage and if you want more than one child..... Tick tock. We started trying 7 years ago thinking it would happen straight away. It took 2 years. We have tried for our 2nd for over 3 years and i am now 17 weeks pregnant after some failed IVF then a wee mirracle shortly after that. There is never a perfect time to have a baby but it is a time limited oppertunity so just go for it.
I wouldn't wait, i would just go for it. I already have a daughter and i put off our 2nd because of a job that was coming up and i didn't want to be pregnant for the interview. Well i never got the job!!! I really wish i hadn't waited. Now our circumstances have changed and i'm really stuggling now whether to try again or wait.
I would say go for it - both of you ladies that are asking (Nicki & Cherry)
I have just turned 35, took me ages to decide if I wanted children - got my head round it, and now sadly I have lost one baby at preterm (28 wks) and have just had a m/c at 8 weeks. I never in my life thought it would be so difficult (who does until the worst happens), and now all I have are regrets in my head thinking why didn't I do it sooner as I'm worried now that time is against me slightly.
Whilst I fell pg quickly both times, I am still no where close to holding my baby, and that makes me quite sad and cross with myself. My reasons for not wanting children were more fear and selfishness.....and now look at me. I wish I could turn the clock back even just 5 years and start from then.
No matter what, there will always be a reason to put it off - but when you least expect it, it might be too late. Go for it, everything else is insignificant. Everything else is fixable and you'll work it out when the time comes.
Good luck to you both!
Ann-Marie x
Oh Ann-Marie, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses too. You're so right when you say there will always be a reason to not go for it, but as soon as it does happen I'm sure we'll alll realise how insignificant everything else really is. I sometimes wish we would just have an 'accident' so all the decisions would be taken out of our hands!
Nicki, that is a toughie you have too, my whole issue is I'm rubbish at decision making, so I honestly don't know what I would do in your shoes! Sorry to be of no help! Would this new job mean going full time? I think only you and your hubby will know what's right for you at this time, and any conclusion you do come to will be the right one. So sorry to hear about your OH's losses over Christmas too, it just proves what really is important. Exciting step getting your implant taken out though! I've been off the pill for nearly a year now 'just in-case' we want to start trying, and have been taking folic acid too...
Cherry - reading between the lines it sounds to me as if you might just prefer to ttc now.
You are very wise to imagine how your priorities change once you have a baby and unlike kids a career can be built on at any time (though of course it is harder after a long break).
I think you have done really well in getting things like your house and debt sorted - I had good plans but in the end we just thought we would go for it. Don't get me wrong there is a limit which would make life very stressful with a baby say if you were struggling too much each month to live but it doesn't sound as though that would be the case for you.
Go with your feelings. As someone else said the rest can be fixed.
Myself and hubby have a trip booked for the beginning of April, which I don't really want to be pregnant for, purely because I'd be terrified of something going wrong while we're away, so I think we will have to have a long chat about what we want to do on our return....