Long term TTCers and those who got a BFP after a long time
AF came today, a day early. I'm ok, I'm not surprised, but I'm still bitterly disappointed and so so so frustrated. Does this get ANY easier?? I used to be able to comfort myself with the classic stats: 20% will conceive within two months, 50% in four months etc etc but we're now at a point where the stats mean squat and that we're in the minority. We've been referred for tests but in the meantime are still trying naturally. At the moment I'm trying not to cry and just wondering what the hell it is we're doing wrong. And there is a small part of me which is throwing an internal tantrum screaming "why isn't it our turn yet???"
I know there are ladies here who have been on far longer journeys than me. We'll be moving to our 13th cycle in a couple of weeks which takes us to 11 months of trying, so I know we're not that far in the journey in comparison to others but it doesn't stop the horrible kick-in-the-teeth feeling, especially when there is a run of BFPs and I'm so desperate to join but it's like a secret code that I haven't yet figured out.
Trying for a baby was so exciting in the beginning. Now I almost hate it. I know we've not been trying for a year yet but every CD1 it just feels like someone somewhere is smugly saying "it's just not meant to be you". I try to ignore it but it's difficult.
PS: I do want to add that I realise I'm very lucky that we're being referred for tests after less than a year of trying but it doesn't make CD1 any easier at the moment :-(
Replies
Big hugs Enjayee. I'm sorry it's not been easy for you. I wish there was a magical answer, or that it was as simple as wishing hard enough. It is good that you are being referred early. Hopefully you'll conceive on your own, but you should take solace in knowing you're going to be monitored and the reason your having trouble will hopefully be sussed out quickly and it can be sorted! Cd1 is a pain even when you're not trying, so that won't help how your feeling either.
It's so hard isn't it. I just kept busy. Kept a track of my cycles to feel I was doing something, didn't test early as I felt it got my hopes up for nothing and just tried to keep life on an even keel with things to look forward to. It's good you're already in the system. Just take it one day at a time when it gets hard. And keep talking to your H, mine was amazing and so good throughout and now after too. Sending inadequate hugs.
Firstly, big hugs, its soul destroying isn't it each month af arrives and also seeing others around you get their bfps, especially when they get them quickly!
Ive been pregnant twice - first time conceived within 2 months but the second time conceived on cycle 13. Have no idea or reason for why it took so long second time around. We were actively trying every month, charting, opks, temping, timing dtd every day/every other day etc (maybe i was trying too hard iykwim). Had bloods done after a year which were normal and h was going to have a SA (but never got round to it as got our bfp before). I did start using a cbfm two months before our bfp so that may have helped or it may have happened anyway, but i highly recommend it if, like me, you like a bit of control over things (and like peeing on sticks!). It also made me feel like i was doing all i possibly could do to help.
i tried each month to remain positive by telling myself its not my time yet, but my time will come. I know its easy for me to say that now and it wont make things better for you, but i hope my story gives you some hope and reassurance that it can be entirely normal for it to take so long. Don't give up. I hope you get your bfp v soon x
I'm sorry it's turning out your TTC journey is a long one. It's incredibly hard - one of the hardest things I've been through. I hated it and it is soul destroying. It doesn't get any easier, but some months I just expected AF to show and found not testing until she showed helped my sanity.
Also once the tests are done, you may feel a sense of relief that things are almost out of your hands, like it's now the consultants problem to get you pregnant. It did a bit for me anyway.
I started a conversation on DTC once when I was struggling, about whether the other girls still had hope as I was so close to losing all of mine. Everyone said if you dont have hope you have nothing and what was the point in carrying on if you don't have hope?
To be honest I think I did run out of hope, on my fourth round of clomid when I didn't think it had worked (and everywhere I read said if it was going to work it would work within 3-4 cycles) and I was a complete and utter mess, but it turned out we were pregnant, however it ended in a MMC. It did give me renewed hope that at least I knew I could get pregnant, and that although it was not viable my body had held on to that pregnancy until the ERPC.
Keeping busy helps, having something to focus on and/or plan (for me it was holidays/trips) and generally trying to forget how crappy TTC is.
Huge hugs to you. It's the most soul destroying time. It seems like everyone is pregnant but you. But you don't know what journey pregnant people have had - this forum is proof of that. That thought always comforted me.
Once the wheels are in motion you will feel things are moving productively in the right direction - albeit slowly. Keeping busy really does help - book a holiday or a wkend away. Keep sex fun rather than just baby making.
I also took a break from the forum which helped me too - that's not for everyone though.
My ultrasound & bloods showed nothing, OH SA showed nothing. I had a HSG (the most horrendous experience of my life) showed nothing but apparently acts as a deep clean of Fallopian tubes & can aid fertility for 2/3 months. About a wk later I felt recovered enough to DTD twice before an unrelated op put me out of action for 4-6 weeks. It miraculously did the trick & I cancelled our fertility treatment app for the following month. Saffron also fell pregnant after her HSG. We had been trying for 2 years.
Browny has very wise words about hope which are very true.
Enjayee I'm so sorry af turned up. I was going to write a post very similar to this when my last af arrived.
It's really good to read these stories, thank you for sharing. I think reading these gives me renewed hope that sometimes it can just take longer for no reason.
Totally know where you are coming from, it's so difficult and you feel so isolated like no one can understand how you are feeling (thank god for internet forums) I would just say keep talking, the worse thing you can do is keep it bottled up, I did to a degree and almost had a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago. Now that you are being referred, that does help you re focus and it's comforting to know that things are moving, I found it really helped us. We were unfortunate that the tests showed my tubes were blocked, I was gutted that fertility drugs would be my only option but I felt that I could put to bed why we hadn't fallen pregnant. It was a relief in the end that I wasn't setting myself up for the disappointment each month too, it helped my state of mind. Of course it's not plain sailing, life can be very cruel but I do believe that maintaining a level of PMA helps. Good luck with your tests Enjayee we'll be with you every step of the way and please remember you are not alone. xx
Thank you all for sharing your stories and Lulu, I'm glad this thread helped you too. I'm sorry for delayed answer. I met up with my friend here who has a little eight month old girl and she is adorable ... plus she took 14 months to conceive. I had a very long chat with my friend on Saturday and Sunday about it and I do feel much more positive. I don't know that there's anything wrong with either of us so we're of course going to keep trying and then if the tests do show that there is something then we'll come to that bridge when we come to it. I'm making progress in that I didn't actually shed any tears on Saturday ... don't get me wrong if I felt they were coming I would have let them flow but there was a voice in my head that told me to give myself a break and that it just wasn't meant to be this time. Maybe our journey will be longer, maybe it won't. I don't know anything about what's going to happen and I'd rather not worry unnecessarily. It's very strange but - save a couple of tiny moments of jealousy in my head - I've actually been rather zen about it this time round. No idea how I'm doing it but it beats arguing with hubby and crying until my throat hurts. Anyway, hubby is going for his SA tomorrow or Wednesday so that's step 1 out of the way.
Thanks again for replies, really appreciated xxxx
Glad the responses have helped Enjayee & Lulu. So many of us know how tough it is - some days I cry in disbelief / joy at my wriggling belly.
Pregnancy is such a special miracle & means the world to anyone but for those who found it difficult to conceive there really are no words.
Stay positive ladies & massive good luck vibes for sept Claire-Lou .