Should I give up

So after 7 miscarriages in the last 6 years and 2 beautiful daughters I'm coming to a point where I feel I should count my blessings and leave the heartbreak behind. We tried last month and with 6 blue evaporation lines on clear blue I was devastated when af came. 
I'm now 13dpo and I'm too scared to take a test. 
I feel like I'm pregnant but I wonder if it's my mind playing tricks..
5dpo gassy in the morning. Started spotting in the late afternoon. No other symptoms 
6dpo Pink spotting light in the morning. More so in the afternoon. I always have very heavy periods so this is light compared and still pink not red and no clots. Wonder if it's the start of early af 
7dpo Spotting basically gone very very very light pink colour on tissue but basically gone. I hope. That Cramping doesn't last. Cramps coming in waves when at peak feel almost like very early labour. Twinges in right breast
11dpo started to be become sore and tender 
13dpo books only sore when pushed usually become firm when I'm pregnant and feel nauseous this morning 

I just don't want to test and see a bfn