tired of everyday fight

I need someone to talk to, dear ladies. There is such a period in my life when I feel very lonely and downcast. 5 long years I’ve been trying to fight with my anorexia. I’ll not tell you the story why I’ve got this disease, it’s too complicated. But I want just to get rid of this shit! I write here, because I want to have a child. And don’t know what to do. I had to undergo some series of treatments, worked with psychiatrists, was on neuroleptics for a long time. But this thing doesn’t let me go. It recurs. Sometimes in three months, sometimes even in e week. I’m so sick of it. Doctors say there are so many risks for me and for the baby. They don’t advise me pregnancy at all. And the word “advise” is an understatement for sure. The child cannot get all he needs, all necessary vitamins and nutrition inside my body. I cannot get it, how could I be so foolish earlier? I’ll never forgive myself! What should I do now? I need support in my life. No parents, no friends and perhaps, no family in future. I’m desperate

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