Trying to conceive after loosing my lil boy

Hi 👋 
I'm Christine, I lost my son Jacob in May last year I was 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant. My bmi was 41 when I was booked in and I was told repeatedly that I was at risk because of my weight. Still you never think anything will go wrong. 
Since I lost Jacob I have been on a mission to get to 12 stone 12 to have a bmi of 30 so
We can Ttc again. I have been so down lately as all I can think of is how much I want to
Pregnant I have lost 4 stone and 8lbs so far and have a bmi of 36 now. I want to get pregnant but
I'm so so scared of being overweight and it happening again. I don't really no what advice I'm looking for maybe just reassurance. And is there any other plus size mums with positive stories x

😢😢