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TTC struggles 💔

Hi ladies,

I have posted on here a few times for questions and advice, but right now I just need a rant and some hope/success stories from anyone who has been struggling ttc.

It has now officially been a year since we have been actively trying and AF showed today. I feel so absolutely gutted, sad and heartbroken. 

I work on a daily basis with pregnant women and babies which makes it heart that much more. To top things off my best friend has just found out she is pregnant - on her first month of trying! It's just a kick in the teeth when we have been trying for so long and done everything possible in our power to increase our chances (many hours of research, diet, supplements, cutting alcohol, etc..).

I really need some hope right now from anyone who has had a success story after TTC struggles. My partner has poor sperm motility and morphology so any success stories relating to this would be extremely helpful! 

Baby dust to you all xx



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Replies

  • @Jammy1892 Hi hun <3 Heres mine <3 Me and my husband have been together for five and a half years UNPROTECTED before we started TTC and not one time did i fall pregnant.....My husband was born with only one testi so we were very scared that he would never b able to have children....we started TTC in aug 2019 doing BBT,OPK, using Preseed, and i cut out alcohol, caffiene, smoking.....around christmas time i had a huge problem with my anxiety (i have bad anxiety n can have pnic attacks n not know why) so my friend told me to try CBD (its like marajuana but no THC and it has A LOT of benifits and one of them is helping stress and anxiety) so i did..... i fell pregnant in the middle of Jan 2020 but miscarried in Feb.......i then stopped CBD convinced that it wasnt good for me n probably caused the CBD....my schedule at work then changed bc of COVID so i had trouble doing BBT....the months past....Feb, March, April, May.....then finally i told my hubby: the only thing we did different was i did CBD to ease the stress...we decided i pick it back up and see.....so i used the CBD all the way til ovulation and BAM i got pregnant again.....im now 6+3 ......sadly we never got my husbands sperm checked but these past 9 months have been HELL to me but i want u to know its still possible
  • I totally get you. You pin so much hope every month that your af doesn’t appear and then it gets you and you’re devastate! 

    It felt like we were trying for ages for our 3rd baby- big gap! I bc take it you are checking ovulation etc. I thought the clear blue digital kit was really good. A lot of people swear by bbt! 

    Try not to stress too much- easier said than done I know but I found it didn’t help. I was absolutely obsessed and it wasn’t a nice feeling at all. 

    I found that planning something to focus on each month helped me- even just meeting friends. I also found exercise de-stressed me a little bit too.

    fingers crossed you get your bfp very soon!xxx
  • @Catlady220 @EmJ3 thank you both for your replies. I have tried to stay hopeful for so long but now we have reached a year its hard to keep positive! My OH sperm morphology and motility is really not looking good. I just cant see it happening. I am just heartbroken and feel it is all just so unfair. It is the one and only thing I have ever wanted in life....i just don't know where to turn or what to do! Xxx
  • @Jammy1892 could you try ivf ??? or iui????
  • Also @Catlady220 would you recommend CBD oil? Have seen mixed reviews about it....did your DH take it too? X
  • @Jammy1892 i would recommend cbd oil.....idk much about it but it does the same thing....sadly i smoked it to get the calming affect faster.....my hubby did not take it though....just me......i feel in my heart it was the only way we concieved
  • @Jammy1892 could you try ivf ??? or iui????
    To be honest I think that will be our only option but it really saddens me and make me feel so womanly and embarrassed.i know that sounds ridiculous! It just means a long wait for referral etc too xx
  • Hi there @Jammy1892, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I often found on my ‘journey’ that I could be completely rational at lots of points but the hormones when AF is just not the right time for rational thinking. Be kind to yourself for a few days ❤️ If your OH has had sperm tests, where does that leave you with next steps? Have you talked to your GP to get a referral? Seems to me you’ve ticked the ‘trying for a year box’ and so I hope there will be some support out there for you. Male factor infertility is such a tricky one because there is far less, as far as I have seen, support / chat out there about it. I don’t know if it’s helpful at all but I listen to a great podcast called bigfatnegative and one of the hosts had IVF because of male factor x
  • @Jammy1892 how old r u may i ask......and yea it seems like a long wait but itll b a better chance
  • @RememberToBreathe you are right - being rational while AF is about can be tricky! We started getting tests done so we could get a referral and then we moved to had to change doctors and they wont accept the tests from the old doctors and want me to have all the blood tests etc again! Also trying to book those appointments in is a stress as they have to be done on such specific days so that doesn't help with the stress. I will have a look at that podcast. As you said there doesnt seem to be as much out there for male infertility. It feels like there are less options for it as well.

    It sounds horrible as well hut at times a almost feel angry at my OH....I know it's not his fault. Just so hard to feel.positive after so long and trying everything.

    @Catlady220 I'm 28. I know that's still young but I feel so angry at myself for not trying to start sooner. It is heartbreaking as a lot of my friends are now having babies and it is so hard to be happy for them and not jealous! Xx
  • I know it’s heartbreaking and so frustrating and I also understand how feelings of anger towards your oh, even though you know it’s not his fault. 

    I know it’s stressful but if you need ivf- it doesn’t matter as long as you get your baby. As annoying as it is, get those tests done ASAP at least you might feel better if you feel like you’re taking control of the situation!

    I’m not sure about the CBD oil though. 
    Xxx
  • Thank you for the support! Just nice to talk to people who truly understand xx
  • Emmy012Emmy012 Regular
    edited Jun 29, 2020 5:56PM
    Hi @Jammy1892 I'm so sorry you're feeling so fed up.i can honestly say we have just about all been there and felt the dread and hopelessness you describe. It was an exhausting journey for me and my OH too, it took us 10 months of TTC, doi g everything by the book, learning BBT and using opks for me to then MC and feel back at square one again. We were just getting to the point of talking about having tests done and looking at our options before I finally conceived again.

    Have you thought about tracking your cycles using BBT to try and maximise your chances each month, I found it a valuable tool as it turned out I ovulate at completely different times each month, sometimes early, sometimes late so there was no wonder we kept missing those crucial times. 

    I just want you to know that all hope is not lost, a very close friend of mine is currently on her IVF journey, she has PCOS and her DH low count and motility so they were told there was almost no chance of conceiving naturally but have a really high chance through IVF. They are a little older than you too so at 28, you have plenty of time to figure the next steps out and come up with a plan once you know what you're up against. I'm nearly 32 and only just pregnant with our first so don't be worrying about age! 

    Keep your chin up x
  • @Jammy1892

    If you need any help with tracking ovulation, just ask! I tracked from a few months into trying and it really helped me pin point when was best to try. I tended to ovulate anytime between 11 and 13 days but it was only when I did OPKs that I realised how quick my LH would surge and then release an egg. If your OH has sperm issues then quality over quantity might be better but with tracking you can better plan your BD x 

    Echoing @Emmy012, we have all
    felt lost at times but you can always look here for support x
  • @Jammy1892 hey love. I feel your pain so bad, when I was 28 I had also been trying for a year. I’m 30 now, so 3 years on and off. My issue is irregular cycles and a partner who suddenly changed his mind so I’m not actively TTC right now, so I’m not a success story I’m afraid (yet) but I will say just don’t lose sight of your relationship during this process, it’s what I did when I became obsessive over it and now my partner doesn’t think he want kids.
    my story: 
    came off BC April 2017. Thought it would happen overnight. Sister got pregnant in November 2017, broke my heart as it was her first go. Around that time, loads of friends also got pregnant. Months went by and then a year or so, got pregnant January 2019, after so so long of waiting. Got so excited and told quite a few people. Sadly miscarried at 5 weeks. Got pregnant again in April 2019, again miscarriage at 5+1, but fully expected it. Partner then tells me he doesn’t want to try anymore and doesn’t know if he wants kids (June 2019). He won’t have sex with me. Eventually he relaxes (around October 2019) but on and off he relaxed and we manage to have sex, but then changes his mind. I’m still at this point now, just working on our relationship. He says that TTC was very clinical and he felt like that’s all sex was (I’m telling you this to warn you!)

    meanwhile, I have had cycles of 90+ days, but figured out that taking VITEX helps my cycles to be more regular, not that it matters much haha
    and now, the friends I felt envious of for being pregnant the first time around, are now pregnant with their second and it hurts like absolute hell. 

    Even after all of that, I’m still hopeful that it will happen one day, and even at 30, I feel I have some time; although heartbreaking most days. The other ladies who have commented - @Emmy012, @RememberToBreathe @[email protected] All have their happy endings and I have known them since October in one of the forums we were in along with some others. They’re so supportive and I’m so happy for them, if you need a rant, just rant away cus this journey sucks for a lot of us

    also - for advise on BBT and OPK :) 
  • @Jammy1892 I think we have spoken before, I am in the same position as you. I am 30 and all my tests came back fine but my OH has low count, low mobility and poor morphology. His numbers are extremely low it’s not far off non existent. I can fully appreciate the impact that has on ttc. I can also appreciate how you feel.  You know it isn’t his fault but you also have that anger because he is the reason you don’t have the child you have been trying so hard to conceive. 
    It sucks your Doctors want you to repeat the tests but I would highly recommend doing them ASAP. 
    Can you remind me, are you in the UK? If so where abouts? 
    I had an appointment to see the consultant about starting ivf which got cancelled just as lockdown started so now I have to wait for my clinic to reopen to book a new appointment.  It’s such a hard time but you will get there, I think researching a lot into ivf has helped me understand what my new journey will be. 
    Ask any questions, always here to help. 
  • Hi

    I'm sorry you're struggling, I feel your pain. 

    My story is that dh and I ttc for a year with no luck. I had been charting and used a digital opk for a few of the months.

    We found out that his sperm count was likely to be low to zero because of some medication he was on, so he started taking some testosterone supplements, and I got pregnant that month.

    Sadly, I went for the 12 week scan and the baby had died a few weeks before, so I went in for an ERPC last month. I have had 3 weeks of blood tests to check my b-hcg level was going down (I'd had a partial molar pregnancy a few years ago) and as of a fortnight ago there was still some hormone left. I'm awaiting my results from Thursday's test and hoping it's negative so we can ttc this month.

    I am an older mum, so time is not on our side. It feels like it will never happen for us, but we are trying to stay positive. I am taking multivitamins and don't drink or smoke, trying to eat healthily and dh is taking the testosterone again. 

    I just want to say please don't lose hope, you are much younger than I am and if I can get pregnant it gives hope that you can too.

    Babydust to you x
  • Wow....Thank you ladies for your support! So nice to read messages of support like this when feeling so low. ❤

    @RememberToBreathe @Emmy012    I use opk cheapy strips as well as clear blue one. Dont think knowing when I'm ovulating is the problem as I am pretty regular and we try and BD most days around the fertile window. I never tell him when it is but he always seems to know which can affect him sometimes which is frustrating! BBT is difficult for me because of shift work....but do you think this is a better method than opk?

    @Aliciab90 sorry to hear at has been such a difficult process for you. I hope that your OH changes his mind soon! 

    @SR19 yes I think we did speak before. Good that you have started(or about to start hopefully)  your ivf journey. Yes I am in the UK in the south. Have done one blood test just need to do the other but drs are being a pain about it! 

    Xx
  • Thank you for your story @HippieMama4. Sorry to hear about your loss. Are you planning to get referred  for fertility treatment or going to keep ttc? I am just so worried about my OH sperm but it does give me hope if you say you managed to get pregnant.

    Baby dust xx
  • @Jammy1892 I find that a combination of bbt and opks the best if you're not 100% sure when you ovulate. I prefer the cheap strips, I used to start using them once a day around cd8 and logging them on an app called premom, the app scores them for you to indicate a low, high or peak reading. I used to test in the evening around 6pm as that's when was best for me and I got the best reading.
    I'd test every day at the same time and record my test strip on the app, as soon as the score starting getting high I'd start taking them twice a day and try bd with OH. I never mentioned I was due to ovulate, or anything about my opks, I would just initiate some "spontaneous" bd haha.
    As soon as I got a peak opk where the test strip and control like were equally dark I would try and bd as much as I could for 3 days so I was sure not to miss my egg release. 
    BBT would confirm ovulation had happened and I would see a gradual rise in temperature. 

    It's hard to know exactly when you will ovulate from getting your peak opk but it's usually within 3 days, some months I would ovulate the day I got my peak and other times two days after. I'd keep taking my opks each day until they went back to normal and were negative again to be sure.

    I have heard mixed reviews about the cb opks as they can be a little misleading, with the cheap ones you can really get a good idea but you've got to be consistent with them. 

    You could still track bbt if you were willing to wake up at the same time wvry day to take your temperature, even if you shift work as long as you were getting a good 4 hours sleep before hand and took it at the same time. I used to wake at 5.45am take my temperature and sometimes go back to sleep if I needed to be up later. Again it's got to be as accurate as possible for the data to count but you do figure out a lot about your cycles using it. 


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