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Infertility- and fertile friends 😔

Hi ladies,

So we have been ttc for almost 2 years now with no success. Both had all the tests done - cant find anything wrong so has been labelled as unexplained infertility. Trying to start the journey to fertility treatment but with covid everything just keeps getting delayed.

I just wondered if anybody had any advice when going through something like this and having friends who are getting pregnant and having babies?

The most difficult thing for me has been my best friend of over 16 years. After more than a year of us ttc she got pregnant on her first month trying. It was hard and I felt jealous but I was happy for her. Sadly she had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. 

Now just a few months later she has got pregnant again and I am really struggling with it and actually feeling a lot of resentment towards her and finding myself not wanting to see or speak to her. 

I know it probably sounds petty but it just feels so unfair. Any advice of how.to cope and get past this?

Xxx

Replies

  • I think it's definetly worth having a chat/ text with her and it may be hard going forward. Saying something like. I love you and you are my best friend. I'm so happy you are pregnant, and will be a wonderful mummy, and I can't wait to watch your little on grow. But I need you to bare with me at the moment. I don't need space or you hide your excitement from me, but I'm dealing with my infertility makes me struggle a bit. So if I don't reply straight away, know that I'm happy and Im glad you text, I just sometimes get a wave of why me? And just need you to bare with me. I would rather reply maybe a bit later when I'm in a good head space to stressed at work or with other people. But I wish you all the love in the world and hopefully one day our babies can play together. 😘 Xx
  • What it's not is petty. This journey is so hard for some of us and harder for others and what I've learnt is that you can't compare or berate your own feelings. They are totally fine. Having those feelings and then feeling bad about those feelings is doubling up the emotion your mind has to deal with!

    I was and am in the same boat as regards resentment towards friends and my best friend. To the point that I received a few texts from separate friends about their happy news in a span of 2 weeks and it was so difficult, I can't even describe how low and sad I was the days after. Every pain and anger at my body and jealousy at theirs for working was in me.

    I am having cbt sessions now to help control the anxiety and depression like feelings, and honestly would recommend it even just as an outlet. My gp has been great for that.

    We also drafted texts to send to my friends one being my best friend too and I was very clear that whilst I was happy deep down for them they would have to understand that right now I couldn't be the friend they need to be with them in that journey and for my own sake I needed some space from that part of their life, not them but just that they would understand if i wasn't involved or asking about their pregnancy it wasn't out of callousness.

    All of them were absolutely fine and in fact have been lovely. They don't need me, they have other family and friends gushing over them and I'm fact they have been more than supportive over me for my ttc journey.

    There's still tears and resentment but I feel a weight off my back just knowing I don't have to fake it xxx
  • @SorrentoMummy @Iski2021 thank you for your replies. I think you are both absolutely right, I need to write her a message so that she understands. I hope she will as in the short time between her mc and getting pregnant again she really struggled also when finding out anyone was pregnant.

    I just hate the way that some days it makes me feel so bitter as that really is not me! I think it is hard as well as I work every day with pregnant mums and it is hard enough faking it every day....I dont want to have to do it in my personal life as well....its exhausting!

    I am just terrified it will never happy for us and not sure how to cope sometimes.

    But thank you for your advice and nice to know I am not alone in my feelings!

    Baby dust to you both....maybe 2021 will be our year! xx
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