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Reaching out....

KelB79KelB79 Regular
in Trying to conceive
Hi, I’m new here....
TTC for over 18 months... I’m 41 and not feeling hopeful.
Always wanted children but just never met anyone that I felt confident to take this giant step with until now and I’m so scared I’ve left it too late. 
My journey so far... changed from injection to pill 2 1/2 years ago to start getting that out of my system. Then stopped the pill 18mths ago. Have tracked ovulation, given up drinking, don’t smoke, eat well and do plenty of exercise but no go so far. Started looking at fertility testing with GP in December - I got tests for ovulation and all good there. Partner has done at home sperm test - his count is good but we were going for full test at hospital before referral for fertility treatment but it’s all been put on hold because of Covid. 
I had got quite depressed and it’s been putting a lot of strain on our relationship  - especially our sex life obviously! My partner thinks I only want sex to conceive - SO not true but he’s become paranoid. And I genuinely don’t do the demanding sex because I’m ovulating - he’s just very sensitive. I’ve tried to keep it as natural as possible, I never wanted to put pressure on things. 
I had started to feel positive with being able to move forward with fertility treatment but the hold ups have just put me back to square one. 
I’m so sick of the 2 week wait emotional rollercoaster - my body plays a LOT of tricks on me! 
2 of my best friends are pregnant - I had to go to a zoom baby shower yesterday whilst waiting for AF who arrived like clockwork in the middle of it! 
I was upset and my partner got annoyed with me for it this time, it’s all just getting too much and I just felt I needed to reach out to anyone going through the same, share the journey with people who can understand my head space better. sorry for the long post! 

Replies

  • BundabergBundaberg Regular
    I'm sorry to hear love! It's so hard to not focus on it. There is simply no other way, right? 
    Do you track your ovulation?
  • BundabergBundaberg Regular
    Sorry I meant: how do you track your ovulation?
  • KelB79KelB79 Regular
    That’s the problem - it needs focus so you can’t just forget about it. And the way my body constantly throws phantom symptoms at me I can’t help but get my hopes up every month - it’s so convincing!!! 
    I use an app and have been tracking BBT and cervical mucas - never got clear strip results but might try it again. Got quite clear charts with BBT. Although tbh I’ve taken a little break from tracking for the last couple of cycles to give us some headspace - just made a point of sexy time between days 7-15 😉🤣
  • BundabergBundaberg Regular
    Ah, that sounds alright! I tried not to talk to my husband about it, when my ovulation would be and stuff like that. I felt like if I don't talk about it with him, it might not be such a thing for me. 
    What worked really well for me was the fertility monitor from clear blue. It's a bit expensive, but I liked how easy it was, instead of reading the strips. Maybe something you could look into as well? 
  • KelB79KelB79 Regular
    Thank you! I’ll definitely look into that 😁 yeah, I avoided talking about it too much to my partner for a long time but now that we’ve decided to go for treatment it’s become more of a conversation unfortunately 🙄 
  • BundabergBundaberg Regular
    Of course! There's no way around it... do you know when you're going to be referred to the fertility clinic? A timeframe maybe?
  • KelB79KelB79 Regular
    Nope 😐 We started the referral work up with the GP - I had bloods taken to test that I’m ovulating (good news is that I am 😊) and to test for Rubella etc. My partner was referred for a full sperm test but that got cancelled before we could get it because of lock down and we can’t get referred without it 😕 Just got to wait until we get contacted, it’s the openendedness that’s getting to me most I think 🥴 
  • BundabergBundaberg Regular
    I'm sorry! It's really frustrating isn't it. Well maybe the monitor thingy could help you in the meantime. Otherwise it's a waiting game, right... 
  • KelB79KelB79 Regular
    Thank you 😘 trying to focus on just relaxing and making things fun and carefree for a minute - I know that one we get to the treatment face that’ll go right out the window!! And you never know.... maybe a little miracle will happen in the meantime 🤷🏼‍♀️ But forcibly relaxing doesn’t work too well 🤣🤣
  • ThehappyvetThehappyvet Regular
    It's hard to relax, especially when lockdowns slow down the progress (I'm waiting for my clinic in Cyprus to reopen for my IVF treatment), but find something to get distracted. Cooking and netflix helps a lot :D 
    I'm sending you positive vibes! 
  • KelB79KelB79 Regular
    Thank you! All positive vibes gratefully received!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 
    Back at you too!! Waiting is horrible!!!!! Good luck at your end 😘 
    how are you finding the IVF process so far?? I have absolutely no idea what to expect and am as nervous as I am excited at the potential 🙈🙈

  • ThehappyvetThehappyvet Regular
    Thank you!  :*:*
    I know the feeling! I've researched everything that it is possible to be researched, yet I'm still waiting for my clinic to open, because due to Covid19 they had to close for a while  :(
  • ThehappyvetThehappyvet Regular
    Thank you!  :*:*
    I know the feeling! I've researched everything that it is possible to be researched, yet I'm still waiting for my clinic to open, because due to Covid19 they had to close for a while  :s
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