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Silent miscarriage - I’m back 😞

I’m 9+1 today…. But my baby’s heart stopped beating last week 😞
we had a viability scan at 7 weeks and everything was great - strong heartbeat, good growth, all perfect. 
On Thursday last week I had a little bleed - nothing major and it stopped as soon as it started but I booked a scan for Friday for reassurance. 
Everything felt fine, no cramps, no more bleeding, I still felt (and feel!) pregnant, but they told me the heart had stopped beating. It had grown to the 8 week mark perfectly! 😞
I’m having a silent miscarriage, my body is merrily carrying on with the pregnancy which is so cruel! 
I got sent home for the weekend to “let it sink in”. Had an appointment at EPU yesterday where they re-scanned and booked me for a D&C tomorrow.
I’ve been stuck in this his awful limbo, we’re completely heartbroken but can’t get on and grieve something that’s still there. I prayed to miscarry natural as going to sleep to just wake up and it all be gone doesn't seem right, I don’t think I’ll be able to process it properly, but a natural miscarriage could take weeks - the scan yesterday showed everything really high and healthy still. 
Literally the worst few days of my life and I don’t know how to come back from the horrible dark place I find myself in. 
I’m 42, it took us two years to conceive, we want to try again straight away but I honestly don’t know if I’ll be emotionally ready - but we don’t have the time to wait 😩😩 
Any advice on how the hell to deal with this would be amazing 🙏🏼


  • @KelB79 I'm so sorry you're going through this! I had a MMC back in 2018 after 3 years trying and failed fertility treatments. I managed to miscarry naturally, let myself have a period the month after and then we went on to have a successful pregnancy the month after.
    I've got an early scan at the weekend at just over 8 weeks and I'm terrified! I know the positive tests and symptoms are irrelevant and you just don't know what's happening inside!
  • I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a miscarriage in 2018 and my baby stopped growing at week 7. It was my first pregnancy. My condition was the same, the position of my baby was high and it appears its not going to be a natural miscarriage hence I was told to do the D&C asap. 

    When I was going through the miscarriage my good friend was also going through the same thing. However, hers was natural miscarriage with the help of drug. We both got different views from our doctor. My doctor (a chinese doctor) advised me to wait out and rest for 6 months before trying (its pretty much a typical kind of thing for Chinese to believe that the body needs to recover after going through such 
  • a big thing) however, my friend's doctor told them that after miscarriage it is the most fertile period and it is high chance to get pregnant and even calculated for them their fertility period. Another doctor that I visited told me that he has patient that successfully conceived a month after the D&C and they were delivering the baby in a few weeks when I met him for consultation. Guessed I would say, listen to your body.

    In the same year, my twin sister was pregnant with her second. Hers was a month after mine. My family kept it from me for awhile worrying about how will it affect me. At that time I can't stop thinking about how nice it would be that our children's age are almost the same and going through the pregnancy together. Another good friend of mine was also pregnant and it was 2 months apart.

    I now have a son that's almost 2 yo. We managed to conceived in 2019 (it was unexpected and we only BD once that is way after my predicted ovulation date. I ovulated late that month) and you can imagine how scared I was during every doctor's visit. We found out we are expecting a week before our family holiday. Because of my miscarriage doctor advised me not to board on the plane. I told her I don't think I can because I don't think I can deal with the disappointment if its the same like how it ended in 2018. She prescribed Duphaston and I took it for the first month. I think its a hormone pill to help to ensure that the pregnancy is viable. 

    Sorry for the long post. Most importantly after the D&C, the uterus must be clean and no old blood left in there. I hope you are feeling better.
  • KelB79- I'm soo sorry to read your sad news. I can't imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you both. I wish I could offer some practical support but I can't as I've not been there myself. All I can say is please please confide in people you love so they can help you pick yourself back up. And I hope you will continue to chat on this forum and be able to get support here too. Xxx
  • Oh my goodness I’m so so sorry to read this, I’m heartbroken for you. Sending you lots of love xxx
  • Thanks everyone 🙏🏼
    This has been a truly awful week but I’m starting to feel the haze lift a little. 
    The D&C was no problem and all went well. Hardly any bleeding, uncomfortable rather than painful, I just keep getting lightheaded but I think that’s my blood pressure (they kept me in for 9 hours after the op as my blood pressure was low!!) 
    the hospital were terrible though - I’m disgusted at how little they consider what you’re going through!!
    Emotionally I swing between numb - like it’s happening to someone else, like I was never pregnant in the first place… to hysterical 😵‍💫 its awful! I could never imagine how hard this would be. 
    I’m stunned at how many women go through this and don’t talk though. I’ve found comfort in talking to people and had amazing support from unexpected places - I definitely recommend being open with friends, it’s helped so much! 
    My OH has been amazing practically - taken over the running of my business for me - but terrible personally. I know it’s hurting him so much to see me this broken and he’s hiding away but it’s him that I need right now and I feel really let down. I’m trying not to - I know it’s the male way of dealing with things but my emotions aren’t entirely in my control right now 😵‍💫 
    I’ve got to go back to work tonight, we can’t get the staff to cover me. I don’t know if I’m ready - I don’t want to see anyone and I still feel so weak! 
    But I guess I’ve got to start somewhere!
    trying to focus on the future and see this couple of months of my life as a dress rehearsal for the next time…
    we’ve learnt a lot of lessons and experienced both good and bad. 
    Trying to find some positivity by focusing on the higher potential fertility afterwards, praying that’s the case for us and done good cones of all this at least 🙏🏼 
    I’ll see you in the October thread I guess 😐

  • Sending you lots of love and positive vibes lovely. Praying you get your much longed for rainbow baby very soon xxx
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