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What is meant to be the most exciting time of my life is feeling like the worst… :(

So last July me and my fiancé moved into our first house! After both living in london and having busy work lives, it only felt natural now that we had moved away to start talking about the future and settling down. We decided to start being “less careful” not tracking just seeing how it goes, at the time my partner still wasnt 100% ready so we both decided we would see what happens! We was having fun, both relaxed and BD a lot!! So when febuary of this year came round I was still so confused why it hadnt happened! 

As we were meant to get married in 2023, we sat down and decided to cancel the wedding and really try for this baby. Normal 27-29 day cycles, Blood tests came back normal, scans came back normal, partners tests came back fine! lots of ovulation tests, supplements, healthy diets!why does it seem this hard for a couple who are 23&24? It seems so easy for everyone around me. Everyone tells me to relax but the last couple of months I really have been! I feel like ive done every trick in the book, I just want it to be my time.

In this day and age I feel suffocated, instagram tells me everyday someone else is pregnant. One of the worst parts of this journey is that I feel like im changing as a person, I feel jealous, grouchy, sensitive and I honestly feel like a hard person to be around. Its really not like me to be like this. I feel so happy for the people in my life when they tell me they are pregnant, in the back of my mind I just wish It could be me too… 
Feels horrible to say this but im scared who will be pregnant next, Im worried how it will make me feel… how horrible is that!!!

My partner is really supportive but I can tell its hard for him too when I have my breakdowns every month. I try to wait until I have a late period to do a test but I feel like it helps when I know that im not pregnant earlier rather than later…
Today he chucked away all the tests, I dont know if I feel relieved or scared.
I dont know what to do next. Id really appreciate any advice.
Thank you…


  • Hey,  so sorry you're going through this.  I understand the journey can be really hard.  I've been there :(.  Good news is that the likely hood is...  Youre going to get your positive pretty soon...  Please keep the faith.  Maybe try your very best to focus on something different for your next cycle,  a project or hobby.  Keep busy,  try to bd around your fertile window but have fun rather than ttc.  At list it could give u a break from this stress and pressure.  I find having a focus on other things keeps me sane. 
    X best wishes
  • Dear Amybm,
    Good luck with trying to conceive.  It is a challenging time. All the feelings you mention are very common.  Julia Indichova offers wonderful help from her website.  It can be hard to know what to do next.  Julia really helps a lot with the emotional aspects and also with the physical.  The emotional hurdles can be so strong.  That is wonderful the tests came back normal.  I wish you the best on your journey.
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