Feeling very impatient!!!

Posting cause I need a bit of a moan!!

Whilst I am very excited about ttc again & feeling very positive for the future, im feeling very very impatient which I try not to normally feel.

Lately I seem to constantly have on the brain pregnancy & going into labour & giving birth & absolutley everything baby related, even in Asda the other day there having there big baby event & I was seeing stuff with great offers that I wanted to buy but couldnt!!

Am also sorry to say (and not at all in a horrible way or directed at anyone) but I have a small case of the green eyed monster simply cause I want it to be my turn now!!!

Almost everyone that I started out with in the ttc forum days have either had there babies or are about to give birth & im feeling rather gutted that I am not one of them, I like to catch up on old friends, have a chat & see how well everyone is progressing cause there all such wonderful ladies & I have made some great friends who have given me nothing but wonderful support.

Maybe cause we have some due dates coming up too im starting to feel a bit fed up & cause one of them passed last July I thought that i'd feel better prepared this time round but turns out im not!!

Chem/early mc wouldve been due around 17th Feb our mmc was due 27th March & then the was it or wasnt it a new pg in Oct wouldve been due in June!!!

If we dont conceive this month I know im gona be gutted Feb is month 16 & I really really want it to be the last month of ttc!!!


Sorry this is a self indulgent post but underneath this tough cookie is just a girl who loves her man & wants to be able to have his baby & thinks she deserve a break!!!!

And now there's a programme on about a woman who has 18 kids!!!
xxx

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  • Hi babe,

    No you are NOT being self indulgent!

    We all know how you feel hun because at some point we have all felt this way at some point. The lovely ladies with their recent bfps will back me up on this one, I'm sure that they also felt this way but for them their time has arrived to be a Mummy.

    Don't you worry, Laura we will be Mummy's soon, you and all the other ladies who read this must believe that.

    I was speaking to somone yesterday as my patience levels have also been dipping this last few weeks... after I finished ranting about how sorry I felt for myself that nothing was happing 5 cycles later.. they said to me 'so are you going to give up then, is that what you're saying???' my response was 'hell no' - this is too important for me just to say that it's all to hard and I can't do it. I'm not normally so 'deep' but I have a book that I sometimes read which has uplifting thoughts each day on different subjects. I found one on patience... it's a bit long, do you want me to post it for you, it might help to encourage you, it did me.

    This feeling comes and goes and I'm sure when you wake up the longing won't be gone but you may not feel the same so I hope I don't drag it all up again for you!

    Repeat after me 'I am going to be a Mummy, when the time is right, it may not be right now but I will hold my baby very soon'.

    Say it again girls..I cant hear you!!!!! :lol:

    xxxx
  • Thanks hun

    I think last night was just a little blip, whilst am feeling excited am also very very nervous it's the 1st real month of ttc properly after the little break we had, trying to get the PMA back on the up!!

    I dont know that green eyed was quite the right phrase to use more dissapointed that im not still there & preparing for the birth of our little one.

    I have to keep faith & know that it will happen cause that's what keeps me going.

    What's the name of the book hun I might be able to get it from the library save postage plus if it's helping you dont want to take that away from you, thank you though.

    Have repeated your words of encouragement & will have that baby!!!
    xxxx
  • Hi Lau,

    Came to check on the lurve bug thread and saw this one..

    Firstly you are not being self indulgent!! So turn that frown upside down lady!!

    It's natural to feel a little jealousy and disappointment on hearing of others good fortune in conceiving and giving brith. Almost every woman who has been through the mill of TTC will feel it at one point or another - this was one of my main reasons for my self enforced break over christmas and new year...

    Although I was (and still am) genuinely pleased for the ladies who have received their BFP's and continuing pregnancies and I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone..It's still sometimes very hard to see others getting their BFP's whilst I'm still sat in here!!

    Many (in fact nigh on all!!) the ladies that were TTC when I first joined last year have now graduated to either a due in forum or a baby born in forum...sometimes it seems sooooo unfair - especially to have actually conceived but not sustained the pregnancy :\(

    The way I see it is I can either curl up and cry my heart out each cycle where I am unsuccessful or I can take it on the chin and carry on for the next cycle and hope and pray that this month will be MY month.....the other option - which doesn't even bear thinking about is giving up entirely and accepting that I am done...

    It is hard sometimes..and I absolutely hate hearing the words "It'll happen one day" because that also means that I've failed again....BUT it is true - it WILL happen one day!!

    You only have to look on the LTTTC board and the ass concep board to see that miracles do happen - sometimes some of us need a little help.

    So..chin up kiddo! We're off on a hunting trip...gonna bag us some super sticky, extra strong lurve bug beans!!! image
  • Hope you're feeling better today hun. I know what you mean about wishing it was you though.
    I had a blip this week. There's a mum at school whose due date is just a few days after mine should have been. When I mc at December she was so lovely (she had mc a few months previously so had been there too) even offered to take me to hospital for scan after the bleed. Anyway I saw her at school this week and she has a lovely little bump and I burst into tears! felt a right tit!!
    Do you have people to talk to? I am the sort of person to not keep preg secret so I had told loads of people early on but it meant I had masses of available hugs when it all went wrong rather than the shocked faces of people not even knowing I had been preg. Mind you I got a lot of shocked faces as I have a 15 and 6 year old and I'm nearly 42, it was the last thing most people expected LMAO
    ANYWAY point is, I told my 6 year old after school that I was feeling a bit sad and that I'd seen Bex and thought 'wish it was me' and she said....'Don't be so selfish' LOL got to love the straight talking of kids eh!! My 15 yo and DH were more supportive I'm glad to say! Haven't said anything to Bex but I guarantee she would understand even if she hadn't also been there.

    I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel. I had a few early mc before I had my girls but they were unplanned (the cap was clearly totally ineffective for me!) so it was sad but not so traumatic, then the girls were so easy to et it was a total shock for this one to end so suddenly at 11 weeks. Even after that I am going thru all you say - the impatience the frustration the envy but nowhere near how you must feel hun.
    Your feelings are totally valid though and I think it's much healthier to acknowledge them.
    Your sticky bean is in the wings hun.... I have a theory that some women can only carry one sex - nothing to base that on but it's possible...
  • Hi Laura,

    No way self indulgent. I know how you feel totally.

    I look at people in May and the bump threads and just think that should have been me. I don't think any of else could have guess how hard this was going to be.

    I do think having to wait to ttc again makes it even worse as I felt like I was getting so further forward. Feel better for starting to ttc but know we haven't done it this month. Felt positive last few days but woke this morning and just thought - no, not done it.

    It's so hard when you've had so many knocks to keep the pma up but we have too. You are one hell of a tough cookie and I really it hope it won't be long now until you are given a well overdue break x x
  • Also mean to say that I am obsessed with all things baby too, to the point where it's not that helpful.

    I'm a bit embarressed to admit it but whenever I see anything in th esale or that is a bargain I buy it. I now have the biggest collection of maternity cloethes, baby clothes and baby stuff. Hubby even bought a highchair in that baby even as it was too good to refuse.

    I feel like a bit of a cazy lady witha room full of baby stuff and no baby! So well done on your self control at not buying anything at asda! x x
  • Thanks girls, I will pick myself up like I always do.

    Im not at all jealous (I worded it wrong last night) just dissapointed that 4 pg later I still havent had my chance to give birth & instead am faced with another edd & no baby!!
    And after the break & the initial burst of excitement am actually really nervous!!

    I have just been feeling a bit emotional, I read threads & I want to cry I watch a film & I want to cry LOL!!

    MP (I do have 1 pair of maternity combats that I bought in my last pg) but I had to try really hard not to buy maternity jeans in the next sale was stupid really they were under a tenner!!! Regarding the other stuff if I had the room I probably wouldve spent a fortune!!
    xxx
  • I'm with you on the emotions - I watched brothers and sisters last night and was crying so much because Kitty has cancer. Hubby said "she'll probablely die" and I really sobbed! Oh dear x x
  • Hi Hun,

    You really are not alone, I'm pretty sure that we all feel like this at one time or another. Although we are always happy for those getting their BFP's, there is always a pang of 'why not me too?'

    Hope you're feeling better soon

    xxx
  • Hi Hun,

    You really are not alone, I'm pretty sure that we all feel like this at one time or another. Although we are always happy for those getting their BFP's, there is always a pang of 'why not me too?'

    Hope you're feeling better soon

    xxx
  • Hi Hun,

    You really are not alone, I'm pretty sure that we all feel like this at one time or another. Although we are always happy for those getting their BFP's, there is always a pang of 'why not me too?'

    Hope you're feeling better soon

    xxx
  • Hi hun,

    You are not being self - indulgent and you are definitely not alone!

    Seeing all the BFP's in ttc always makes me feel a bit sad image even though I am happy for them.

    Am loving that Mafia Princess has a big collection of stuff already - my kinda girl!!

    Your time will come very soon hun and when it does we will also be thrilled for you xxxx
  • Oh hun just wanted to send you a big hug. I know exactly how you feel. I am about to move onto month 22 after an mc 18 months ago. Some of the people I started the journey with are pg again with number 2. When will it be our turn huh!

    That is partly why I moved over to lttc, this forum is wonderful but most of the girls who as unlucky enough to end up in here move on quite quickly and as happy as I am for them it is really hard when people move on so quickly it really emphasises the feeling of being left behind. Don't feel bad for the green eyed bit, everyone gets that. It will be our turn soon xx hope you feel better soon xx
  • hey hunny! its been a bit manic so only just seen this image i'm so sorry ur feeling like this sweet, it's pants isn't it! All in all we've been ttc for almost 2 years (come april!) and i totally get the green eyed monster thing! its so very hard not to no matter how much you care for or like the pther person! Have you had a peak yet following ur early high? lots of (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) xx
  • Thanks ladies you girls are all great. Im feeling much better after having a little rant.

    MP oh no I missed it I kept seeing Brothers & Sisters advertised & wanted to watch it, will have to catch up.

    Thanks Socks I do like it in ltttc as well the girls there are also lovely & a great support.

    Had a good cry last night (after bd LOL!!!) So think it's out of my system now, still on highs.
    xxx
  • Glad you are feeling a bit better, I am sure we will both have sticky beans real soon xx
  • Laura, you are totally NOT self indulgent, and frankly if there is anyone on here who is entitled to have a moan and feel a little down, it's YOU!

    You are a fantastic support to all of us here, you are full of pma and always seem to see the positives in life. Don't beat yourself up for having a down day.


    Plus, you are definitely not the only one to think "when will it happen for me?" I am always really excited when one of our gang gets their bfp, but it's only natural to also feel impatient for your own bfp!!

    xxSara

  • Ahhh thank you ladies thats so sweet of you.

    M&S what a lovely msg thank you so much huni xxx
  • Hey Laujai

    I just want to say you have been very supportive of me and I don't know what I would have done without you during our TTC times.

    I know exactly how it feels hun and it is completely okay for you to have moments like this. Also you are such a good and kind person that you would take out the jealousy word all I can say is I used to use it all the time cause that's how I felt when I used to hear people telling me their good news....

    All I can say is I am here if you ever need to talk scream or need a shoulder, I am also here for you if you need that PMA!! Which you know I can give and hun if anyone deserves the BFP I know you do.

    You have been through a lot and seem to always be smiling and giving advice to everybody else. Though everything you have been through you have been trying to see the positive side and smiling through adversity. I just know you will get that BFP and you will make the best mum ever.

    I am still saving that seat for you hun, right next to mine in the big MC I wouldn't want to share that seat with anyone else but you hun!!!!!!

    Your friend always Twinkle81 xxxxx
  • Ahh thanks Twinks that's so sweet of you huni.

    Im feeling much better now was just a little blip that we all get at times, you know me though always get back on top in no time!!

    Was just reading your dd n.o.1 birth story in April LOL it gave me a giggle as I can just picture you, also pmsl at the "can you keep it down the films about to start" I tell you what if J said something like that to me think i'd knock him out LOL!! xx
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