Trying again

Hi girls,

Hope you're all well. I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but wondered how long everyone waited before TTC again after miscarriage, We're still very much in the depths of a miscarriage but, in trying to look to the future, we are thinking about when to try again.

One of my biggest fears is what people will think of us if we try again straight away. I don't want people to think that we are over the miscarriage or that this pregnancy meant nothing to us because it really did but, ay the same time, we don't want to dwell on it when there is nothing we can do. It's just all so confusing.

Any advice would be much appreciated x

Posts

  • Hi,

    i've just recently had a miscarriage on 1st January..started bleeding on 20th December and stopped bleeding on 4th January (I was 8 weeks...).

    My husband and I are gutted about the miscarriage, it was my first pregnancy and we were so excited..

    We have decided to try again straight away, not because we are over what happened but because we want to and feel ready to.

    I think it is very much a personal choice, I miscarried naturally and our doc told us that everything appeared healthy with me and could see no reason why I wouldn't be pregnant again.

    I don't think anyone would judge you and if they do who cares? Its your body and your life so the choice is entirely yours.

    We started ttc again on 5th Jan and have been using opk's again starting on 10th Jan (Sun)... I got a positive OPK today after a few days of negatives....I don't know how reliable they will be after the m/c but i'm just going with it just now and we'll see what happens!

    I have heard a lot of stories about how long you are meant to wait..A lot of ladies have got pregnant after m/c without having AF and went on to have healthy pregnancies.

    I suppose it depends on your miscarriage, how far along you were and whether a D & C is required?

    So sorry for your loss, I understand how distressing it is and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Hope you are ok, these forums are great for support when you need it xxxx
  • Thanks for your reply. Really sorry about your loss and good luck this month.

    I know how you feel as we're really feeling like we want to try again straight away. We found out on Friday and was due for D&C on wed but miscarried naturally over the weekend/yesterday. I think we coped really well whilst it was all going on but it's only now that it has all calmed down that we're really feeling the loss. The only thing that's stopping us really is the thought that it really is going to be a worrying 9 months now that this has happened, even tho I know statistically we should be fine.

    I suppose we've got a few weeks to think about it and I know I shouldn't worry about what people think...anyone who's got a problam with it can do one, but I think any type of comment like that will really set me off again!

    Hope everything goes your way this month xxx
  • I know it really is really horrible, I think about it all the time but must admit each day it is getting slightly better. I just keep thinking there must have been something wrong to have a miscarriage therefore it wouldn't have been healthy to carry the baby... dosen't prevent me from thinking why me? though!

    Hope everything works out for you and you start to feel better soon. It's your choice when you start ttc again ,if you are worried at the moment about another pregnancy maybe wait a cycle and see how you feel..??

    I know if and when i get pregnant I will worry like mad because of the miscarriage but i think i'll be like that whether it happens this month or in a years time!!

    Take care xx
  • Hi ladies,
    Read both of your posts and I feel your pain, I was expecting my 3rd child last year (already had 2 girls) and I lost my baby at 20wks, we found out we would have had our 1st son, and that he died due to a chromosome dysfunction called Patau Syndrome, although we were devastated at the loss, we were also relieved that our son(Liam) never had 2 live with the pain of his severly disabling and painful condition, I found out at my 20wk scan that his heart had stopped & had 2 go through a full labour on the 15/05/2008, but I was lucky enough to get 2 hold my son and have a proper funeral for him. After our loss I knew I could never replace him yet I also knew I wanted another child, and I started trying after about 4wks, I fell pregnant 8wks after Liam died and on the 9th of April 2009 I gave birth 2 our 3rd daughter Leni-Jane, she really is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will be honest with you those 9 months I was pregnant with Leni were the most stressful and worrying months of my life, I was terrified that I would lose her, and when she was born I did feel a slight touch of guilt almost a betrayal of my son for feeling so happy, but I that faded as I got into the swing of being a mum 2 a newborn again, I still grieve for my son regularly but I know he was better off in heaven as he was always meant 2 be an angel. ou will know yourself when u are ready and when u are I wish u all the best for ur future xx

    [Modified by: claireylou80 on January 12, 2010 11:31 PM]

  • Same... Lost bean at 11 weeks
    Spotted 4 dys or so then had MC 23rd dec. Scan Xmas eve confirmed nothing there... bled until New Years Day (grrrr!) the kind of vague spotting til about 6th Jan.
    Xmas eve I was adamant I didn't want to try again. I'm nearly 42, we have 2 lovely girls aged 15 and 6 what the hell had I been thinking??? Xmas day complete turnaround! Boxing day asked both girls how they felt about it - could they cope with another go? Both said yes... then spoke ot DH hahahah priorities a bit crap there!
    As time is not on my side and you're meant to be more fertile after mc we decided to go for at ASAP.
    Had really strong ov pains straight after proper bleeding started so we went for it...
    I think it's fine as long as you've stopped bleeding (risk of infection) and they like you to wait for AF to help dating.... I did a few HPTs and they were still positive until yesterday! I was a bit worried I wouldn't get a negative before 14DPO or I wouldn't know if positive test was from before or a new bean!!
    Lots of people have said 'Will you try again' straight after the hug and 'sorry' and when I've said we already have and grinned not one person has looked shocked.... but maybe cos they know me LMAO

    Anyway I think it's a personal thing and you have to face facts - we're more fertile after a mc... why? Is this natures way of helping us? Only you know when you're ready and it really is nobody else's business so ner! Hahahaha I'm such a mature 41 year old!!!
  • Hi Girls. I'm in the same position as well. I miscarried at 8 weeks. Bleeding started on new years day and only really stopped on sunday. I woke up this morning with pain on my left side so i used and ov testing strip and pregnancy test and both came up positive?????

    I'm due back at hosp this morn to get bloods done to check hcg coz hosp want it to come down to 5. But i didn't think i could ov if still had pregnancy hormone in me??? But the ov test had a very strong line and i'm getting pain so think i am. I want to wait until i get my af before starting just so that i know where i am with my dates etc but i am tempted!!!!

    I don't think people will think any differently if you get pregnant again quickly. I've told a few people and they all just say well try again straight away.
  • hey, so sorry to hear of your loss. we decided to ttc atraight away without waiting for an AF, i wanted to be pg SO much, and it gave me something positive to look on to, am still ttc 4 cycles later so i'm a great believer in if ur body is ready it will happen. xx
  • Hi ladies

    So sorry for your losses.

    I agree with the other ladies. We've had 4 mc in 13 months & I couldnt care less what other people think anyone who knows about them knows how much we long for a child & know the heartbreak we have felt going through our ttc journey so far & with all the tests etc.

    We have had breaks in between & some people have voiced that maybe it's better to wait but at the end of the day the decision is ours.

    You'll know when you both feel ready for us it just started off being casual bd'ing without charting as I just felt like I wanted to be really close to my oh.

    Good Luck & lots of hugs xxx
  • Hi,
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my son at 27 weeks in September, and my partner and I decided that we were going to start trying straight after my first AF. I had to give birth so I wanted to wait until that point to know my body was back to normal. I fell pg on the 3rd cycle, getting my bfp on the 20th dec, but it wasn't a sticky one and I started bleeding 9 days later. Again we're starting ttc straight away, not even waiting for AF this time. I think stuff anyone that wants to judge you for trying again so soon, it's your choice. My family and friends know we are trying again and they fully support our decision.
    Good luck xx
  • hello lucky mummy,

    Im so sorry for your loss.

    At the end of Nov we lost our baby at 17 weeks and whilst I was still in hospital we were talking about ttc again. I just wanted to be pregnant again. due to a few complications we havent been able to start ttc straight away, but we would have if we could have.

    dont worry about what others are thinking (i know easier said than done as I was worried about what people would think of me when we mc - everyone knew as we were past 12 weeks) but honestly dont think about them, do what is best for you and your oh.

    I complete understand why you want to ttc again, and most of the girls on here are in the same boat.

    if anyone does say anything then tell them to but out and its none of their business.

    good luck hun

    x x

  • I only lost my LO on Monday but my hubby and I have already decided to start trying straight away. We tried for 18 months before we fell pg and do not want to waste a single chance. We are devastated about our loss and it will always be part of our life but it has made us realise what we want so much so we are going for it asap!
  • Thanks for your replies girls, I really appreciate it. You really have helped me to stop feeling guilty and made me realise that it really doesn't matter what other people think, so I am going to stop worrying and look to the future as positively as possible.

    I'm so sorry to hear all your stories, I have had a good cry and I am wishing you all the best of luck, health and happiness for the future.

    xxx
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